Joos and Muslim keep blackmailing me

[Tertius The Scribe]

Today I received yet another blackmail from what I suspect to be the Jewish shadow government known as the B'nai B'rith, claiming to be my local utility company, as well as my internet provider, and the Department Of Labor (for my First United Kids outreach program, which takes children from minorities and forces compells them to get a start on working early by having an internship at my plantation farm).
That makes the 17th time this month the Jews have tried to blackmail me.

I have tried, unsuccessfully, to hire some nigra buck bodyguards to aid in guarding me against these Jewish thugs, but after I told them they were expected to do this as part of their citizenship requirement, they went running back to their terrorist friends in Fagdad, and now I also receive letters lined with anthrax every day.

Can anyone give me some advice, a number to a good Jewish lawyer, or an address to the Antiterrorism Security Safehouses? Or simply pray for me?

Thanks,

Tertius

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Joos and Muslims keep blackmailing me

Today I received yet another blackmail from what I suspect to be the Jewish shadow government known as the B'nai B'rith, claiming to be my local utility company, as well as my internet provider, and the Department Of Labor (for my First United Kids outreach program, which takes children from minorities and forces compells them to get a start on working early by having an internship at my plantation farm).
That makes the 17th time this month the Jews have tried to blackmail me.

I have tried, unsuccessfully, to hire some nigra buck bodyguards to aid in guarding me against these Jewish thugs, but after I told them they were expected to do this as part of their citizenship requirement, they went running back to their terrorist friends in Fagdad, and now I also receive letters lined with anthrax every day.

Can anyone give me some advice, a number to a good Jewish lawyer, or an address to the Antiterrorism Security Safehouses? Or simply pray for me?

Thanks,

Tertius

Son, we at Landover don't cave in to blackmail and we don't negotiate with terrorists. I'm busy for a couple of days but I'll have Bobby-Joe send some good ole boys over to talk sense to these people. We have been guaranteeing Salvation since 1620 and when something like this happens we handle it.

[Talitha]

Re: Joos and Muslim keep blackmailing me

I think It's disgusting the way these Joo Terrorists demand money with menaces.
I'm sure that Pastor Al will sort out something with our Security Department for you.

On a side note, your monthly Tithe Check hasn't arrived yet.
Can you please make sure that you didn't forget to post it.
God isn't happy when people don't pay their dues.
We give a Salvation or a money back guarantee, but if you don't pay them as sure as Jesus died for your Sins, The Devil will take you for his sex toy and Sodomize you for eternity.

[Mad Prophet Helmholtz]

Re: Joos and Muslim keep blackmailing me

Brother Tertius,

I am no stranger to blackmail, imposters, assassinations, kidnapping, subterfuge, and sabotage. I've made many enemies over the years and have learned their tricks. You should thus be warned about other possible methods your enemies might play on you...

• Across all 50 states, homosexual rapists have been dressing up as paramedics and stealing ambulances. They blare their sirens and go to emergency scenes. When they put the victim in the ambulance, the fake EMTs take turns sodomizing the victim, who is eventually dropped out of the side of a desolate, secluded country road.
• KGB/Cuban spies have infiltrated SUBWAY(tm) Restaurants. They keep track of your eating habits and will not hesitate to put salmonella-tainted meat on your 5 dollar foot-long.
• Highly dangerous cyborg assassins have been posing as Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons and going door to door. They ask certain questions to determine if you believe in Spaceship Jesus or not, and if they find out you do, they asked to be let inside. NEVER LET MORMONS OR JEHOVAHS INSIDE. It is best to move once the Mormons and Jehovahs know where you live. BOOK OF MORMON CONTAINS SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES TO MURDER YOUR FAMILY AND COMMIT SUICIDE.
• Money collected by Salvation Army Santa Clauses goes to support homosexual re-education of young children and environmental protection measures, enabling the Robo-Animal alliance to supercede the human race on December 21, 2012. DO NOT GIVE MONEY TO EVIL SANTAS!!!!

There are more methods to their madness, but never stop being wary of the Satanic Alliance and the depths of their depravity!