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As many of you know, I recently became the victim of a heinous crime when some low life stole one of my Negroes. This link will take you to the thread where this tragedy is still being discussed: http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=24376
As a result of this outrage I’ve been feeling less than totally secure in MY OWN HOME!!! Rather than placing my whole trust in the local police department I decided to take my own measures. (Said department has been actively seeking more “diversity” in its staff - and we all know what that means. You would just gag at seeing the alphabet soup of names identified as new recruits. First names like Jose, Abraham, Abdullah, and even LaTonya – a woman for goodness sake!!)
I’m sorry, Brothers and Sisters, I got carried away there for a moment. I will return to the topic at hand.
To protect my home fromMexicans and Negroes criminal elements, I’ve decided to ramp up my defenses by adding some fire power home security equipment.
Through the “grapevine” I heard that alocal drug dealer local retail merchant was being persecuted by the ATF certain authorities who are infringing on the merchant’s ability to put bread on the table. Anyway, the poor man was being forced to liquidate some of his machine guns, hand grenades, and flame throwers certain tools of the trade and he offered me this:
Not pictured is the silencer that would come with it.
To sweeten the deal he tossed in somenight vision goggles optical equipment:
Driving home I drove by a playground and spotted a cathlik priest holding a basketball and surrounded by little boys (we all know the basketball was just a prop to disguise his real reason for being there). To create a diversion, I quickly parked, called out to the priest and then offered him five dollars to bless my new equipment. He started some of that Papist mumbo jumbo and, out of the corner of my eye, I saw many of the boys run off to a passing ice cream truck. My ruse worked. The priest was foiled by his lust for money.
The diversionary tactic was not without risk since I’ve been told that many ice cream truck drivers are pedophiles, but I took the chance that this grandfatherly-looking one was just trying to supplement a modest pension.
Darkness had fallen when I arrived home, but I felt a need to try out my new acquisitions. I left the house by the side door and slid down under one of the crab apple trees in my side yard. Using the goggles I scanned the street.
Two days before I had noticed some children with a card table sitting by the curb. There was a box on the table with a sign reading “Free Kittens” penned in childish letters - the “K” was backwards. This was at a house across the street and three doors down – a distance of about 200 yards.
My attention was drawn to that house and, sure enough, the mother cat and kittens were playing near the flower bed in the front yard in what they thought was total darkness. HA!
Drawing a bead on one of the kittens, I am pleased to report the silencer did its work and all that could be heard was a quiet “pffft.” But I quickly determined that the rifle was firing about an inch and a half high at two hundred yards. I had also failed to take in account the soft evening breeze that gently nudged the payload about three inches wide. What was the kitten’s uplifted tail is now just a stump.
Adjusting the sight, correcting for windage, and another “pffft” resulted in a clean head shot on the next tabby.
I sprinted down the street, picked up the carcass and dropped it in a curbside garbage can awaiting the next morning’s pickup.
I figured that, by morning, the red smear will blend in with the colorful flowers growing at the edge of the yard thus erasing any incriminating evidence. An additional benefit is one fewer mouth to feed for the mother cat thus givng her additional time to lick the stump of the other kitten.
Retuning to my home I felt a certain satisfaction that, all in all, my purchase was justified.
As a result of this outrage I’ve been feeling less than totally secure in MY OWN HOME!!! Rather than placing my whole trust in the local police department I decided to take my own measures. (Said department has been actively seeking more “diversity” in its staff - and we all know what that means. You would just gag at seeing the alphabet soup of names identified as new recruits. First names like Jose, Abraham, Abdullah, and even LaTonya – a woman for goodness sake!!)
I’m sorry, Brothers and Sisters, I got carried away there for a moment. I will return to the topic at hand.
To protect my home from
Through the “grapevine” I heard that a
Not pictured is the silencer that would come with it.
To sweeten the deal he tossed in some
Driving home I drove by a playground and spotted a cathlik priest holding a basketball and surrounded by little boys (we all know the basketball was just a prop to disguise his real reason for being there). To create a diversion, I quickly parked, called out to the priest and then offered him five dollars to bless my new equipment. He started some of that Papist mumbo jumbo and, out of the corner of my eye, I saw many of the boys run off to a passing ice cream truck. My ruse worked. The priest was foiled by his lust for money.
The diversionary tactic was not without risk since I’ve been told that many ice cream truck drivers are pedophiles, but I took the chance that this grandfatherly-looking one was just trying to supplement a modest pension.
Darkness had fallen when I arrived home, but I felt a need to try out my new acquisitions. I left the house by the side door and slid down under one of the crab apple trees in my side yard. Using the goggles I scanned the street.
Two days before I had noticed some children with a card table sitting by the curb. There was a box on the table with a sign reading “Free Kittens” penned in childish letters - the “K” was backwards. This was at a house across the street and three doors down – a distance of about 200 yards.
My attention was drawn to that house and, sure enough, the mother cat and kittens were playing near the flower bed in the front yard in what they thought was total darkness. HA!
Drawing a bead on one of the kittens, I am pleased to report the silencer did its work and all that could be heard was a quiet “pffft.” But I quickly determined that the rifle was firing about an inch and a half high at two hundred yards. I had also failed to take in account the soft evening breeze that gently nudged the payload about three inches wide. What was the kitten’s uplifted tail is now just a stump.
Adjusting the sight, correcting for windage, and another “pffft” resulted in a clean head shot on the next tabby.
I sprinted down the street, picked up the carcass and dropped it in a curbside garbage can awaiting the next morning’s pickup.
I figured that, by morning, the red smear will blend in with the colorful flowers growing at the edge of the yard thus erasing any incriminating evidence. An additional benefit is one fewer mouth to feed for the mother cat thus givng her additional time to lick the stump of the other kitten.
Retuning to my home I felt a certain satisfaction that, all in all, my purchase was justified.
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