Somebody stole one of my Negros

[HTannor]

I don’t know if there is a more appropriate section here in the forum to post this, so I will try here.

First some background:

I don’t live in one of those fancy gated communities patrolled by private security by my own choice. There is one nearby, but cruising through there recently, I was looking at the untraditional-appearing mailboxes and noticed names such as Feldman, Goldberg, Steinmetz, and so on. There were even names like Gonzalez and Martinez. We have an Injun a Native American casino on the edge of town and that probably accounts for name The White Buffalos’ on one of the boxes. Not my sort of neighborhood at all.

So I’ve decided to continue living where I do. I live on nice street, with good Christian neighbors. We are proud of our homes and maintain them nicely. There are picket fences, gazebos, water fountains and fish ponds throughout the area. We are constantly trying to improve our properties.

I, myself, have a well-maintained collection of statuary that is very precious to me and, according to my Godly neighbors, the envy of the neighborhood.

But, my area is neither gated nor patrolled by a well-armed private security firm, thus all sorts of riff-raff can be seen using our streets and cruising though the area.

With that background on my living arrangements, I must sadly report being the victim of a crime.

Last night, some vile, unsaved, person (or persons unknown) stole Franklin, one of my Negros. Here’s a photo:



Cute fella, isn’t he? I used to tie my dog to him whenever I couldn’t stay outside with the animal. And now Franklin’s gone.

I placed a call to the local police to report the crime and ended up speaking with an officer who identified himself as Sergeant Jefferson L. Washington. When I described the stolen property, he seemed to become strangely cool towards me. He gave me a police report number, and suggested I call my insurance company and file a claim.

The insurance representative helped me file the claim, but she, too, seemed rather aloof. Her name, as I recall, was LaTisha something.

I know many of my Brothers and Sisters here are grieving with me, and probably wishing me well in resolving this crime.

But I’m not sitting still. I’ve taken the proactive approach of moving one of my other precious pieces to a secluded area in my back yard.

I dare those mexicans or blacks credit-unworthy criminals to return to steal little Abraham:

[Nobar King]

Re: Somebody stole one of my Negros

Those are worth a lot of money! I'm surprised you didn't at least have a home CCTV system to guard them.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Somebody stole one of my Negros

They are real pieces of old Americana - fine condition too. Did you mark them with a black-light pen?

Contact Bobby-Joe and his boys; they always seem to be able to pull in a suspect off the street.

[Johnnyboy]

Re: Somebody stole one of my Negros

My most sincere condolances. My ancestors lost all of their negroes in 1865, at the conclusion of the War of Northern Aggression.

[HTannor]

Re: Somebody stole one of my Negros

Thank you, Brothers and Sisters, your concern is appeciated.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Somebody stole one of my Negros

Those Negro lawn boy statues have gone a long way to improving race relations in this country. For the first time people could see that negras could actually be useful for some things after the unfortunate abolition of slavery.

[Professor Tyeisha X]

Re: Somebody stole one of my Negros

Serves you right you oppressive racist! No doubt you are a Christian White Male. Those African-American jockeys adorning the lawns of racist surburbia reinforce the image and false stereotype that African-Americans should be subservient to White interests. Their countenances are completely exaggerated and derisive of African-American features: big lips, flat noses, very dark skin.

As a matter of fact, I may know who did it. Years ago, I spoke at a rally calling for every morally upstanding person to do the right thing and steal those racist jockeys off the homes of suburban white people in defiant protest. I argued that it wasn't a crime since to steal something you have to steal something of value and clearly these jockeys had no value: Just oppression and pain.

Hopefully a good citizen was sick and tired of having to see that racist display on your front lawn and took initiative and stole it. You should be ashamed of yourself for having that as a lawn ornament in the first place? Couldn't you have picked another form of kitsch, like a pink flamingo?

SAY NO TO RACISM! STOP THE OPPRESSION OF AFRICAN-AMERICANS!

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Somebody stole one of my Negros

Why is there embroidery on that man's back?

Did he steal a bride's lace veil to wear as a shawl?

[HTannor]

Re: Somebody stole one of my Negros

Word of the crime perpetrated against me has spread rapidly through the neighborhood and many of the good Christians here have expressed outrage.

Amongst the offers of solace has been what could be a very good tip. My next door neighbor stepped forward and said he had given permission to his wife to relay her thoughts to me.

His wife, standing dutifully behind him at my door came forward and offered this thought while keeping her eys turned humbly downward:

"I think you may have overlooked a likely possible culprit. That being one of those persons living in that snooty gated community. It is likely a formerly wealthy individual, possibly methdist or cathlick, who was taken in by Bernie Madoff and now steals precious lawn statuary and sells on the black criminal market. He does this in order to put food on TV trays since their dining room table and much of the other furniture has probably been repossessed."

Brothers and Sisters, what think you? Is this possible? Or could it be that this female is trying to break the bonds of kitchen and laundry work by showing a spark of free thought?

[lord warrior]

Re: Somebody stole one of my Negros

Serves you right you oppressive racist! No doubt you are a Christian White Male. Those African-American jockeys adorning the lawns of racist surburbia reinforce the image and false stereotype that African-Americans should be subservient to White interests. Their countenances are completely exaggerated and derisive of African-American features: big lips, flat noses, very dark skin.

They harken back to a time when the negroid knew it's place. When they would say Yes sir, no mam, thank you Master. Now all you have is a bunch of ghetto thugs running around with guns and there underwear showing. And now there stealing lawn jockeys.
This is probably there new symbol for a drug house.

[Luther T Washington]

Re: Somebody stole one of my Negros

Serves you right you oppressive racist! No doubt you are a Christian White Male. Those African-American jockeys adorning the lawns of racist surburbia reinforce the image and false stereotype that African-Americans should be subservient to White interests. Their countenances are completely exaggerated and derisive of African-American features: big lips, flat noses, very dark skin.

As a matter of fact, I may know who did it. Years ago, I spoke at a rally calling for every morally upstanding person to do the right thing and steal those racist jockeys off the homes of suburban white people in defiant protest. I argued that it wasn't a crime since to steal something you have to steal something of value and clearly these jockeys had no value: Just oppression and pain.

Hopefully a good citizen was sick and tired of having to see that racist display on your front lawn and took initiative and stole it. You should be ashamed of yourself for having that as a lawn ornament in the first place? Couldn't you have picked another form of kitsch, like a pink flamingo?

While I agree with your sentiment about the pictured lawn ornaments you, as usual, have met racism with racism. Why do you continue to do harm to your fellow black people? The last thing we need to do as a race is to instill more fear of us in the white community. Quite frankly "X", you are frightening even to me.

Whites are afraid of us for some very valid reasons. We have done poorly raising our young people. All too many have no father. All too many listen to vile and profane music. All too many dress in ways that are completely unacceptable. All too many adopt poor role models. All too many are in jail for violent and drug related offenses. These facts cannot be denied. These behaviors do nothing but instill fear. We will never be fully accepted by whites until they have nothing to fear from us. That will not happen until we clean up our own community and start behaving properly. We must free ourselves from the bondage of dependency on government. We must abandon drugs. We must marry and raise our children in two parent homes. We must embrace education and achievement. We must live the American dream!

[Widow Green]

Re: Somebody stole one of my Negros

that looks suspiciously like one of my widow's weeds veils!

How dare he, get the dogs on him.

[H. Montague Worthington]

Re: Somebody stole one of my Negros

While I agree with your sentiment about the pictured lawn ornaments you, as usual, have met racism with racism. Why do you continue to do harm to your fellow black people? The last thing we need to do as a race is to instill more fear of us in the white community. Quite frankly "X", you are frightening even to me.

Whites are afraid of us for some very valid reasons. We have done poorly raising our young people. All too many have no father. All too many listen to vile and profane music. All too many dress in ways that are completely unacceptable. All too many adopt poor role models. All too many are in jail for violent and drug related offenses. These facts cannot be denied. These behaviors do nothing but instill fear. We will never be fully accepted by whites until they have nothing to fear from us. That will not happen until we clean up our own community and start behaving properly. We must free ourselves from the bondage of dependency on government. We must abandon drugs. We must marry and raise our children in two parent homes. We must embrace education and achievement. We must live the American dream!

Thank you for those wise words, "Mr." Washington. If you live up to the fine advice you've given to that frightening woman, you'll one day likely learn a respected trade such as shoeshining. You are indeed a credit to your hopelessly inferior race.

[Luther T Washington]

Re: Somebody stole one of my Negros

Thank you for those wise words, "Mr." Washington. If you live up to the fine advice you've given to that frightening woman, you'll one day likely learn a respected trade such as shoeshining. You are indeed a credit to your hopelessly inferior race.

Actually Mr. Worthington, that day has already come. I hold an advanced degree from the University of South Carolina. That education afforded me the opportunity to embark upon what was a very successful career in public service. I have retired from my work and am now a gentleman farmer here in Colleton County, South Carolina. I am inferior to no man. I pray to God each and every day for the end of racism in America. I trust that you do also.

[confedchick]

Re: Somebody stole one of my Negros

My father is also a collector of black americana as you are. I believe the term is "lawn jockey" although I don't really understand the term's pertinence. Anyway - my point is - my father has done well in preserving his collection by chaining the statues to a leaded ball on their legs. Although the statues are already quite heavy, the added chain and weighted ball adds even more heft, along with a cumbersome addition that makes it almost impossible for his negros to escape be stolen.