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  • peter pope
    Unsaved trash
    Under Investigation
    • Jan 2010
    • 1
    #1

    New to LBC and need some advice.

    Hi,

    I am new to LBC and am in need of some wholesome and trustworthy advice. I beg to you to please bare with me and not to judge me too harshly as I tell you my tale.

    My wife recently left me, tempted by a European chocolate maker while visiting Paris (that's in France if you don't know). I should have known something was wrong when she requested to go alone. However our new 'progressive' pastor assured me that I should allow her and despite me having accidentally watched Liam Neeson's 'Taken', I gave in.

    Perhaps that was my first sin. However.. it is not the reason for my post.

    Since her leaving, I have been unable to stop having distasteful and unclean dreams. It is as though some satanic succubus is taunting me at night and despite much prayer and Bible study, they will not cease.

    Last week I awoke with... forgive my language... an erect manhood, and I suspect I had been touching it while not fully awake.

    As a result, my foreskin has started to grow back.

    I have tried to pull it back but this only seems to result in more erection. I thought about self-surgery, but I am unsure whether the Bible would allow such a thing... I would talk to my pastor, but he is abroad at the moment and I have little faith in him anyway...

    I am at the end of my wit!!

    Please help me...

    God Bless.
    Tags: None
    • Pastor Ezekiel
      Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
       
      • Sep 2006
      • 78552
      #2
      Re: New to LBC and need some advice.

      It doesn't sound to me like you ever had any wit. In fact I'd describe you as perfectly witless.
      Who Will Jesus Damn?

      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

        Comment

        • Noah Dint
          True Christian™
          • Dec 2009
          • 695
          #3
          Re: New to LBC and need some advice.

          Originally posted by peter pope View Post
          Hi,

          I am new to LBC and am in need of some wholesome and trustworthy advice. I beg to you to please bare with me and not to judge me too harshly as I tell you my tale.

          My wife recently left me, tempted by a European chocolate maker while visiting Paris (that's in France if you don't know). I should have known something was wrong when she requested to go alone. However our new 'progressive' pastor assured me that I should allow her and despite me having accidentally watched Liam Neeson's 'Taken', I gave in.

          Perhaps that was my first sin. However.. it is not the reason for my post.

          Since her leaving, I have been unable to stop having distasteful and unclean dreams. It is as though some satanic succubus is taunting me at night and despite much prayer and Bible study, they will not cease.

          Last week I awoke with... forgive my language... an erect manhood, and I suspect I had been touching it while not fully awake.

          As a result, my foreskin has started to grow back.

          I have tried to pull it back but this only seems to result in more erection. I thought about self-surgery, but I am unsure whether the Bible would allow such a thing... I would talk to my pastor, but he is abroad at the moment and I have little faith in him anyway...

          I am at the end of my wit!!

          Please help me...

          God Bless.
          Do you come here thinking we are stupid or something? Are you a bored little kid with no purpose?

          Go post your poorly made-up garbage elsewhere. We've better things to do.

            Comment

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