[James Dewitt]

Re: Help - my husband beat me up - what can I do?

BelieverInGod I think that True Disciple is on to something. Your husband could be possessed by demons. Sometimes those who are possessed do strange things like fall down a well, I have even heard of them shooting themselves in the back. Maybe you should have him checked out before HE does something to harm himself.

[True Disciple]

Re: Help - my husband beat me up - what can I do?

I'll admit that it's been harder and harder to believe that he's sincere. Well that's not true, he's sincere right after the abuse, but then nothing changes. It's the same thing in a few weeks/months.

It suddenly dawned on me that something that could be an issue in this case is demon possession. Maybe he needs to consult an exorcist, we have some of the best of the country here at the University Hospital.

Proverbs 31 wears me out just reading it.

Sister, do you realize you are talking about something which is in the KJV?
If you are not like the woman described there, then you can work on that. And don't say you can't do it:

Deuteronomy 30:11-14:
For this commandment which I command thee this day, it is not hidden from thee, neither is it far off. It is not in heaven, that thou shouldest say, Who shall go up for us to heaven, and bring it unto us, that we may hear it, and do it?
Neither is it beyond the sea, that thou shouldest say, Who shall go over the sea for us, and bring it unto us, that we may hear it, and do it?
But the word is very nigh unto thee, in thy mouth, and in thy heart, that thou mayest do it.

According to this Passage, we can do everything the Bible commands us to do.

But if I go back, nothing will change, it will be the same thing over and over again.

How do you know that, Sister? Don't you have faith in God? Just pray, and He will change the situation:

John 15:7:
If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.

You do abide in Jesus, I hope?

But I've done everything I can think of. I'm worn to the bone. I can't take it anymore. I get absolutely no respect, no help, nothing from him. I'm tired and I need a break.

Well, the Bible commands you to just keep doing that, and serve him and try to please him (even if you consistently fail, you should keep trying, according to 1 Cor. 7:24). You are not allowed to leave him, you are stuck with him the rest of your life. I'm very sorry, but this is what the Bible says. This is the Will of God. He already is likely to be angry because you ran away in the first place. Please do not infuriate Him even further.

I only took the boys things. How is he, an adult man, going to use a child sized mattress or children clothing.

That doesn't matter. They are his possessions, just like you and your children are. You are not allowed to take them elsewhere without his permission.

So if I'm so annoying and such a pest, wouldn't it be better if we divorced and he found himself someone who is capable of making him happy?

It very likely would be. However, as I already explained, you are not allowed to divorce. You just have to find a solution together.

My brother talked me into seeing a counsellor today who said I had "battered womens syndrome" whatever that is. They like to call everything a 'syndrome' these days. Anyway, she gave me a couple of books and told me that I should stay away for at least a month. She also said that I should lay charges so that I can force him into counselling.

This counselor, is she a True Christian™? Otherwise, she might well direct you towards Hell. After all, you are not allowed to leave him, according to 1 Cor. 7:13. Why did she give you this unbiblical advice? I'm convinced Jesus wants you to go back to him right now.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: I left last night

Thank you brother. No my father is too old to be involved in these matters. Last time I spoke with him he was mad at me for forgetting his birthday, a month before his birthday happened. At 83 his mental faculties are not what they used to be.

I understand that. Does your father have a younger brother or do you yourself have a brother who can "talk" to your husband on your behalf? Someone has to explain to your husband that he is misbehaving.

[Mrs. Rogers]

Re: I left last night

wouldn't it be better if we divorced and he found himself someone who is capable of making him happy?

You know, I can't help thinking that would be better; I admit (may God forgive me) that I have been trying to find an 'out' for you in the Bible ... I thought perhaps if your husband did the divorcing, rather than you initiating a divorce, it would be fine by God. It would be fine for your husband, it would seem, but not for you:

Jeremiah 3:1: They say, If a man put away his wife, and she go from him, and become another man's, shall he return unto her again? shall not that land be greatly polluted? but thou hast played the harlot with many lovers; yet return again to me, saith the LORD.

I am not entirely sure, but the gist of the verse appears to be a woman only need remarry once to be considered a harlot; to have two consecutive husbands is to have "many lovers"? The verse is clearer regarding remarried women being "polluted" though.

It would seem God doesn't think less of men who do the divorcing; if your husband divorced you -- and you didn't remarry -- perhaps that would be acceptable to God? However, if your husband isn't willing to let you go, there really isn't a lot you can do about your situation. You'll have to stay put.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: I left last night

Do you truly believe him when he apologizes for being harsh towards you? If not, he could be 'intuiting' (yes, men can be intuitive) that you do not really believe that he is repentant, thereby compounding his stress and low self-esteem. This in turn will lead to more unpleasantness between you, and thus the cycle never ends.

Perhaps you could try to be more supportive of him after he loses control? It would seem the poor man is going through a very difficult phase.

He needs you more now than he ever has, Sister; do not abandon him in his time of need.

I'll admit that it's been harder and harder to believe that he's sincere. Well that's not true, he's sincere right after the abuse, but then nothing changes. It's the same thing in a few weeks/months.

It's a pity your father can not participate in this. If a husband of one of my daughters would behave like this I would most certainly have a talk with that husband. Is perhaps a brother of your father or a brother of you able to talk to your husband?

Thank you brother. No my father is too old to be involved in these matters. Last time I spoke with him he was mad at me for forgetting his birthday, a month before his birthday happened. At 83 his mental faculties are not what they used to be.

Sister, I really think that you have to consider how you might have displeased him, in violation of 1 Corinthians 7:34. Also, please consider Proverbs 31:10-31 again: those are Biblical guidelines for the married woman. As long as you do not comply to the requirements you find there, you are not in a position to make complaints. I gladly refer to Brother V's explanation of this particular passage:

Proverbs 31 wears me out just reading it.

The solution is very simple. Just go back to your man. These problems will not be solved unless you return to him, and ask him forgiveness for leaving him, as that was a disgraceful act for a True Christian™ Housewife.

But if I go back, nothing will change, it will be the same thing over and over again.

You are right in invoking these Passages, and as I already said, your husband has no excuse whatsoever to fornicate. However, you must remember that he committed these sins likely because you have failed him in some way as a good wife. After all:

1 Peter 3:1-6:
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.

This passage teaches that if men do ungodly things, the woman may win them back "without words," because of their chaste conversation, which means the way you treat your husband. So, it is likely that you did something wrong here, or he wouldn't have been tempted into sin.

How do you solve this? Easy, by obeying Verse 1 of the above Scripture. Subject yourself to your husband, no matter if he treats you nicely or not.

But I've done everything I can think of. I'm worn to the bone. I can't take it anymore. I get absolutely no respect, no help, nothing from him. I'm tired and I need a break.

Sister, do you realize you are talking about mr. Hatchet? He is one of the most respected Elders of the Church, and he has a lot of experience in marital problems. Many church members can testify of his ability to solve this kind of problems. Of course he will be willing to hear your side of the story, unless, of course, your husband forbids you to tell it, in which case you ought to keep silent, as Biblical Law commands.

Yes I realize who I was speaking of.

Now you are taking away his stuff as well, without his permission. Sister, your sins are piling up at the moment. Please go back to him, and submit yourself to him, and promise him not to incite his anger anymore.

I only took the boys things. How is he, an adult man, going to use a child sized mattress or children clothing.

Again, Sister, it is no use to be discontent about the way he is. Firstly:

Proverbs 27:15:
A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.

Don't criticize him, because he finds that annoying. Secondly, as I showed you before, you are not allowed to leave him, let alone to divorce him. Even he is not allowed to divorce you, so ideas about other people fitting him better to live up to his standards are fantasies at best: you are not allowed to divorce, unless you have fornicated, but as long as he can't prove it to you using the method described in Numbers 5:11-31, that won't be an option

So if I'm so annoying and such a pest, wouldn't it be better if we divorced and he found himself someone who is capable of making him happy?

Sister, didn't you see the topic I made about this the other day? Is it ok to divorce an abusive spouse?

Yes I saw your post, I also noticed this in your quote

It's not my place to judge anyone. I do want to point out though that leaving one's husband is one thing, but divorcing him is another.

At this point I have not divorced him, or even filed for divorce. I have left.

My brother talked me into seeing a counsellor today who said I had "battered womens syndrome" whatever that is. They like to call everything a 'syndrome' these days. Anyway, she gave me a couple of books and told me that I should stay away for at least a month. She also said that I should lay charges so that I can force him into counselling.

[True Disciple]

Re: I left last night

Well I wouldn't of gone in there if he had responded to my dinner calls. How did I know he didn't have a heart attack in there? Should I just leave him to rot? As for his corrections being harsher, he just seems to be getting pickier. Things that he's never complained about in 10 years of marriage now are worthy of having my face shoved into the floor (he rarely punches, more grabs/twists/shoves)

But how can I make a perfect home when I don't know what he wants? There have been times I've tried to get romantic by sending the kids off to my brothers for a 'sleepover', having a romantic dinner set up and wearing a new dress and the most I get is a grunt. If I ask if everything is alright, it's "fine", and that's it.

Sister, I really think that you have to consider how you might have displeased him, in violation of 1 Corinthians 7:34. Also, please consider Proverbs 31:10-31 again: those are Biblical guidelines for the married woman. As long as you do not comply to the requirements you find there, you are not in a position to make complaints. I gladly refer to Brother V's explanation of this particular passage:

10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

The first part of this chapter dealt with how to keep power, don't give it to women, and don't lose it by drinking. The second part deals with finding a good wife.

12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

She's not a bitch.

13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

She's a good seamstress.

15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

She has breakfast ready for when her man wakes up, and has his lunch ready for him.

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

She doesn't need to go to the salvation army to get a coat AFTER winter arrives. She's prepared!

27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

She takes care of the house, and doesn't watch soap operas while her husband is hard at work.

31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

A good wife is it's own reward. When you find her, keep her. You won't have to lie to your friends about how great she is, they will know that she's a good woman.

If you want to hear more about this, please let me know, maybe I can try to explain this Passage further.

Well it's not like the boys could stay home with their father. He leaves on the road tomorrow, is he supposed to take them with him? Where is he supposed to stick them while he's working? Into animal crates?

The solution is very simple. Just go back to your man. These problems will not be solved unless you return to him, and ask him forgiveness for leaving him, as that was a disgraceful act for a True Christian(tm) Housewife.

No I don't have problems with advice from the KJV, but what about these?

Genesis 29:20 And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her. (I love the Jacob and Rachel love story, so romantic )

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

You are right in invoking these Passages, and as I already said, your husband has no excuse whatsoever to fornicate. However, you must remember that he committed these sins likely because you have failed him in some way as a good wife. After all:

1 Peter 3:1-6:
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.

This passage teaches that if men do ungodly things, the woman may win them back "without words," because of their chaste conversation, which means the way you treat your husband. So, it is likely that you did something wrong here, or he wouldn't have been tempted into sin.

How do you solve this? Easy, by obeying Verse 1 of the above Scripture. Subject yourself to your husband, no matter if he treats you nicely or not.

Old Man Hatchet also started a thread where he is looking for donations to buy shoe polish for wife beaters He also called me insolent on that thread. I don't think he'd be willing to hear my side of the story.

Sister, do you realize you are talking about mr. Hatchet? He is one of the most respected Elders of the Church, and he has a lot of experience in marital problems. Many church members can testify of his ability to solve this kind of problems. Of course he will be willing to hear your side of the story, unless, of course, your husband forbids you to tell it, in which case you ought to keep silent, as Biblical Law commands.

He's leaving the house tomorrow and will be on the road until Friday afternoon. I'll be going back to the house tomorrow to get some more stuff. I need to get the kids schoolwork, and I'll grab the kids mattresses so they aren't sleeping on the floor.

Now you are taking away his stuff as well, without his permission. Sister, your sins are piling up at the moment. Please go back to him, and submit yourself to him, and promise him not to incite his anger anymore.

Brother, the Bible says that I'm to forgive him 490 times

Right now I feel like I've forgiven him way more than that number. He's always repentant, always so nice and sweet, until the next time something goes wrong at work, or something goes wrong at the house. Maybe he'd be happier with someone else who could live up to his standards, I know I can't.

Again, Sister, it is no use to be discontent about the way he is. Firstly:

Proverbs 27:15:
A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.

Don't criticize him, because he finds that annoying. Secondly, as I showed you before, you are not allowed to leave him, let alone to divorce him. Even he is not allowed to divorce you, so ideas about other people fitting him better to live up to his standards are fantasies at best: you are not allowed to divorce, unless you have fornicated, but as long as he can't prove it to you using the method described in Numbers 5:11-31, that won't be an option

It still seems to me this sexual immorality is ground for divorce (Matthew 5:32), although True Disciple seems to think it works only one way.

Well, it's not me who thinks that, it is the KJV that says that, Brother. I thought I had made that clear.

This Passage is directed at men, not women. Now you might say that what would apply to men would apply equally to women, but because of Deuteronomy 24:1-2, we already know that the man's right to divorce a woman is different from a woman's right to divorce. Therefore, passages intructing men on when to divorce their wives can impossibly seen as instructions for women as well.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: I left last night

It still seems to me this sexual immorality is ground for divorce (Matthew 5:32), although True Disciple seems to think it works only one way.

It's a pity your father can not participate in this. If a husband of one of my daughters would behave like this I would most certainly have a talk with that husband. Is perhaps a brother of your father or a brother of you able to talk to your husband?

[Mrs. Rogers]

Re: I left last night

Matthew 18:21-22Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

Right now I feel like I've forgiven him way more than that number. He's always repentant, always so nice and sweet, until the next time something goes wrong at work, or something goes wrong at the house.

Do you truly believe him when he apologizes for being harsh towards you? If not, he could be 'intuiting' (yes, men can be intuitive) that you do not really believe that he is repentant, thereby compounding his stress and low self-esteem. This in turn will lead to more unpleasantness between you, and thus the cycle never ends.

Perhaps you could try to be more supportive of him after he loses control? It would seem the poor man is going through a very difficult phase.

He needs you more now than he ever has, Sister; do not abandon him in his time of need.

[Nutella88]

Re: I left last night

As far as taking the children away from him, I don't plan to.

I know you were not calling me brother. But I do want to comment.

@quote : I never seen any evidence of you wanting to do such action in the first place. You took them with you because you basically had to. Their father is leaving for a business trip. What other explanation is needed. Now, if you would have said "I cannot stand it anymore I divorcing him and I will take his children" then yes I can see why the accusations would be necessary. And you can fight as hard for the children as your husband can.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: I left last night

Brother, the Bible says that I'm to forgive him 490 times

Matthew 18:21-22Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

Right now I feel like I've forgiven him way more than that number. He's always repentant, always so nice and sweet, until the next time something goes wrong at work, or something goes wrong at the house. Maybe he'd be happier with someone else who could live up to his standards, I know I can't.

As far as taking the children away from him, I don't plan to.

[Nutella88]

Re: I left last night

@Levi : Thanks for calling me a person this time

Honestly this debate can go on forever and always, the best advise here is that you talk to God and everyone around you. Family,friends and even your own Husband. Try to work things out before taking such a drastic measure. Don't get me wrong, there is a breaking point, which your husband should not trespass.

[Levi Jones]

Re: I left last night

There is nothing wrong with the food being a little late. Cleaning after kids is crazy hard work. You can clean one area of the house,start on the next area, and once you are finished with the second area the first are is messy again. The simple solution is giving the kids a playroom. Let them mess that up as much as they will like. Oh no that is so wrong that you have not taken a shower before he got home... Honestly it is not. We cannot expect you to clean the entire house,cook,take care of the children and the dogs (which simply can take up all day) and then expect you to be clean from head to toe and dressed in a red dress. I personally do not belief in beating a woman, it only results in distrust.

I would like to know.

What expectations do you want your husband to fill?

Sister, don't listen to this person. He has truly repented! He needs you now.

Mark 2:17
When Jesus heard it, he saith unto them, They that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.

He has repented. He will sin no more.

You can't seriously be talking about separating him from his children?! Don't you know he would do everything in his power to stop you from doing that? Don't you?
In time you'll feel differently and you'll thank me for giving you this advice.

[Nutella88]

Re: I left last night

And how does the Woman not have a right to take her children? She has done nothing wrong, he was the perpetrator.

[Nutella88]

Re: I left last night

There is nothing wrong with the food being a little late. Cleaning after kids is crazy hard work. You can clean one area of the house,start on the next area, and once you are finished with the second area the first are is messy again. The simple solution is giving the kids a playroom. Let them mess that up as much as they will like. Oh no that is so wrong that you have not taken a shower before he got home... Honestly it is not. We cannot expect you to clean the entire house,cook,take care of the children and the dogs (which simply can take up all day) and then expect you to be clean from head to toe and dressed in a red dress. I personally do not belief in beating a woman, it only results in distrust.

I would like to know.

What expectations do you want your husband to fill?

[BelieverInGod]

Re: I left last night

it seems to me that your disdain for your husband's authority goes way back. When you mention, " the "corrections" that have become harsher and harsher", I wonder why you haven't be able to learn earlier to stop the behaviors that led to the earlier (and obviously continuing) "corrections". What has kept you from complying with his directives? You know the rules, yet as recently as yesterday you defied him and entered his office against his rule. His activity in the office, as disgusting as it is, is actually irrelevant. You continue to defy him and you blame him for your defiance.

Well I wouldn't of gone in there if he had responded to my dinner calls. How did I know he didn't have a heart attack in there? Should I just leave him to rot? As for his corrections being harsher, he just seems to be getting pickier. Things that he's never complained about in 10 years of marriage now are worthy of having my face shoved into the floor (he rarely punches, more grabs/twists/shoves)

His sons belong at home where they can learn from their father's Godly example. Taking them as your hostages while you run off and enjoy your tantrum is wicked. If your brother has a spine, he's run you out of his apartment by now and has helped your husband's sons to reunite with their father. Shame on you for confusing the poor boys and leading them to believe that wives should be able to just walk off on their husbands in the face of adversity. You call yourself "BelieverInGod", but we both know what it is God would have you doing right now. You go on home now.

Well it's not like the boys could stay home with their father. He leaves on the road tomorrow, is he supposed to take them with him? Where is he supposed to stick them while he's working? Into animal crates?

Everything will be better once you have finally learned your place and have begun to work a lot harder at making a perfect home for your husband and his sons (future fathers). As for your attractiveness, surely you aren't saying it is utterly beyond your means to keep yourself fresh and pretty as a daisy for him. It's called work.

But how can I make a perfect home when I don't know what he wants? There have been times I've tried to get romantic by sending the kids off to my brothers for a 'sleepover', having a romantic dinner set up and wearing a new dress and the most I get is a grunt. If I ask if everything is alright, it's "fine", and that's it.

You don't have a problem with the advice offered by the 1611 King James Bible, do you BelieverInGod?

No I don't have problems with advice from the KJV, but what about these?

Genesis 29:20 And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her. (I love the Jacob and Rachel love story, so romantic )

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

This does not look like she has been denying him love.

Thank you Nutella, no I have not denied him anything. I do admit that sometimes the house could be cleaner than it is, sometimes dinner isn't ready on time, sometimes I feel like there's a little tornado of kids and dogs running after my cleaning destroying my work for the day. It gets overwhelming at times. I'll also admit that there's days that he's come home off the road and I haven't even hit the shower yet because I've been busy and the time just got away from me.

To date, only two sons have come of this marriage. By definition, a True Christian wife IS willing to have sex for the purpose of procreation as the True Christian husband is intent on enduring the act for the same purpose (and ONLY that purpose) for as long as the wife is able to conceive. Are there other problems? Sure, but none of which should ever have been made public or that should've caused the sons to have ever been separated from their father.

Actually we have three sons 9,8 (don't let anyone tell you you can't get pregnant while breast feeding) and 18 months. I guess I only talk about the oldest, because the middle child is a typical middle child, quiet, unassuming, never really stands out in a good way or a bad way. And the youngest, well at 18 months, he isn't doing a lot to be dealt with yet.

Sister, go back to him.

So what? You caught him with his pants around his ankles. If you weren't so frigid and were taking care of him, he would have no need to do those sorts of things.

He called me and said how sorry he was. He loves you and he is willing to take you back. Old Man Hatchet even volunteered to do some True Christian™ marriage counseling for you two lovebirds.

Old Man Hatchet also started a thread where he is looking for donations to buy shoe polish for wife beaters He also called me insolent on that thread. I don't think he'd be willing to hear my side of the story.

He's leaving the house tomorrow and will be on the road until Friday afternoon. I'll be going back to the house tomorrow to get some more stuff. I need to get the kids schoolwork, and I'll grab the kids mattresses so they aren't sleeping on the floor.