X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 2
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous 1 2 template Next
  • #1

    I have a crush on Pastor Ezekiel

    So there I said it! He is hot. Jesus does need to control my hormones or else I will go to hell.

    I think a good open confession is really good for the true christian soul.

    So what do you think I should do to get over this? Stand up in front of my church sunday morning and tell them the truth? I know it is better to marry than to burn. But is he married? We could be like the Duggar family and have 17 kids. Oh yeah! Nevermind. I am sorry for being honest.

    Lord rebuke me!!

    If the Lord leads you to it, he will get you through it.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: I have a crush on Pastor Ezekiel

    Oh sorry. Here is the link to the perfect family. I wanna be just like them.

    jimbob.info
    http://www.jimbob.info/
    This domain may be for sale!

    If the Lord leads you to it, he will get you through it.

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: I have a crush on Pastor Ezekiel

      Originally posted by NawtySeeker View Post
      So there I said it! He is hot. Jesus does need to control my hormones or else I will go to hell.
      if i were you i be more afraider of Miss.Sister BTB than of some ole hellfires, cuz when she read your post she gonna shrieks like a millon billon demons, an then she gonna snatch your beady eyes rite outta your head so you not be able to look wiv lusts at Mr.Pastor Zeke no more an then she gonna punch thru your empty eye sockets an rip out your nawty liddle brain so you not be able to thinks hornay thawts about her man ever agains

      it all true
      Last edited by Petal; 08-17-2007, 05:38 AM. Reason: i losted a word

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: I have a crush on Pastor Ezekiel

        Originally posted by Petal View Post
        if i were you i be more afraider of Miss.Sister BTB than of some ole hellfires, cuz when she read your post she gonna shrieks like a millon billon demons, an then she gonna snatch your beady eyes rite outta your head so you not be able to look wiv lusts at Mr.Pastor Zeke no more an then she gonna punch thru your empty eye sockets an rip out your nawty liddle brain so you not be able to thinks hornay thawts about her man ever agains

        it all true
        Yep, that pretty well covers it.
        Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
        "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
        Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


        Comment

        • #5
          Re: I have a crush on Pastor Ezekiel

          I can understand how Women usually Lust after our very Manly team of Pastors.
          However, as Petal has rightly stated, Pastor Ezekiel is already betrothed.
          I shall have to go over to Sister Thumpers Mansion to calm her down.
          She is so worried and concerned as we are running out of places to hide the bodies.

          Sister Talitha

          Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


          HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
          being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41


          Comment

          • #6
            Re: I have a crush on Pastor Ezekiel

            Originally posted by Seeker View Post
            So there I said it! He is hot. Jesus does need to control my hormones or else I will go to hell.
            Pfft!
            Homersexuality is a CHOICE, so all you have to do is STOP being homersexual.
            Don't be making excuses now, you CHOOSE to have filthy & unnatural lust over the very manly Pastor Ezekiel.
            As for those homerones of yours... I suggest you get rid of them.
            If only to rid you of excuses for your filthy lifestyle choice.


            PS. You're a disgrace to your name!
            Last edited by SalvationSeeker; 08-17-2007, 01:45 PM.
            If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
            A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
            Proverbs 9:12-13

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: I have a crush on Pastor Ezekiel

              Yes, Godly men such as Pastor Ezekiel have a special glow about them. The Holy Spirit does garb him about with a special aura.
              Last edited by nikilds; 08-17-2007, 01:59 PM. Reason: GARB??? Did I just make up a word?
              Premarital sex is only a roadblock to holiness. You don't need to touch another person's body–or your own–to have a rockin' good time!
              Abstinence: it's not easy but neither are you!

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: I have a crush on Pastor Ezekiel

                Originally posted by Seeker View Post
                So there I said it! He is hot. Jesus does need to control my hormones or else I will go to hell.

                I think a good open confession is really good for the true christian soul.

                So what do you think I should do to get over this? Stand up in front of my church sunday morning and tell them the truth? I know it is better to marry than to burn. But is he married? We could be like the Duggar family and have 17 kids. Oh yeah! Nevermind. I am sorry for being honest.

                Lord rebuke me!!

                WHAT IS THIS!?!?!?!

                Excuse me you vile, wanton little slut, but Pastor Zeke is MY man.

                THIS will happen one day (hopefully soon). And I have already imagined what our first child will look like.

                I REBUKE YOU IN THE NAME OF JESUS! You are no Christian. A Christian "lady" would know better than to hit on GOLDY men.

                P/S: Sister Tali, thank you for your offer of help. If she tries macking on MY man again, I will need your assistance

                Sister Petal is on the right track Or I will just take her "skeet shooting" like I did the last one

                Miffed, Sister Thumper
                Attached Files
                sigpic

                Tweet me Here
                My GODLY Bio Here

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: I have a crush on Pastor Ezekiel

                  Thank you for the link, Seeker. A Godlier-looking Family I have not seen in a coon's age:



                  PS I see you found out why we call her "Sister Thumper" hee-hee! Now if you're still looking for a Man, I think Star Finder's still available

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: I have a crush on Pastor Ezekiel

                    *Horrified* I feel sorry for anyone who gets a crush.

                    Relationships of this sort suck. I gave up having crushes. Easiest thing to do.

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: I have a crush on Pastor Ezekiel

                      Amen, Lionheart! I'm glad to see you finally have something useful to say.

                      Jesus tells us how to avoid crushes (lust) in Mark 9:43-48.

                      Pastor Billy-Reuben
                      Upon request I will cite scripture for all these facts in God's Holy Word.

                      ✝ This is a Christian community and we worship GOD of the Holy bible, the only Living GOD. We worship Jesus Christ, Son of GOD and Savior. Anything else is absurd. ✝
                      Trump / Arpaio 2016 -- The Government We Deserve
                      #ChristianLivesMatter

                      sigpic

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Re: I have a crush on Pastor Ezekiel

                        Originally posted by Lionheart View Post
                        *Horrified* I feel sorry for anyone who gets a crush.

                        Relationships of this sort suck. I gave up having crushes. Easiest thing to do.
                        Matthew 19:12 For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

                        I fear we may have underestimated the resolve of this fellow. Are you an admirer of Origen, by any chance?
                        O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                        God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Re: I have a crush on Pastor Ezekiel

                          Originally posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
                          WHAT IS THIS!?!?!?!

                          Excuse me you vile, wanton little slut, but Pastor Zeke is MY man.

                          THIS will happen one day (hopefully soon). And I have already imagined what our first child will look like.

                          I REBUKE YOU IN THE NAME OF JESUS! You are no Christian. A Christian "lady" would know better than to hit on GOLDY men.

                          P/S: Sister Tali, thank you for your offer of help. If she tries macking on MY man again, I will need your assistance

                          Sister Petal is on the right track Or I will just take her "skeet shooting" like I did the last one

                          Miffed, Sister Thumper
                          Will you ever forgive me! I had no idea that you lusted over him too. You do make beautiful children together. Now I have no hope of helping to overpopulate the world. What shall I do now...

                          If the Lord leads you to it, he will get you through it.

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Re: I have a crush on Pastor Ezekiel

                            Originally posted by Seeker View Post
                            Will you ever forgive me! I had no idea that you lusted over him too. You do make beautiful children together. Now I have no hope of helping to overpopulate the world. What shall I do now...
                            STAR FINDER!!! What did I just tell you?!

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Re: I have a crush on Pastor Ezekiel

                              Originally posted by SUV View Post
                              STAR FINDER!!! What did I just tell you?!
                              Where is he and what does he look like?

                              If the Lord leads you to it, he will get you through it.

                              Comment

                              Previous 1 2 template Next
                              Working...
                              X