[Paul the Foreigner]

Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

You don't get it. It's not us you need to beg to, it's Jesus. Get down and start praying until your knees start bleeding. Then keep praying.

I don't know how to do it... I mean, what should I say to Jesus ?
Can you write me a sample prayer or something ?
What should I to confess ?

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

I don't understand. I want to become True Christian. Gice me chance! I can change.

You don't get it. It's not us you need to beg to, it's Jesus. Get down and start praying until your knees start bleeding. Then keep praying.

[Paul the Foreigner]

Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

I asked Jesus about your case and He was 100% clear: Go get a razor and start slicing, pal.

I don't understand.
I want to become True Christian. Gice me chance! I can change.

Brother Harold Porter quoted this verse:
Deuteronomy 23:1 "He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD."

But I want to enter to the Congregation.

I think, I should remain unmarried, but I don't think the God wants the physically castration.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Pls, sorry for repeating myself, but I'm not sure that Pastor Ezekiel read my post above.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
No True Christian™ father would sell their daughter to you, gypsy! Better take a different path.

Dear Pastor Ezekiel

Are you sure, the Eunuch life is my way ?
Do you think I am able to live without wife and children ?
Marriage is really forbidden to me ?

I asked Jesus about your case and He was 100% clear: Go get a razor and start slicing, pal.

[Dan U. Holier]

Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Besides incontestable scriptural arguments against masturbation; accordingly to a noted Swiss doctor Samuel-Auguste Tissot masturbation causes "a perceptible reduction of strength, of memory and even of reason; blurred vision, all the nervous disorders, all types of gout and rheumatism, weakening of the organs of generation, blood in the urine, disturbance of the appetite, headaches and a great number of other disorders."

But there is a solution for all obsessive masturbators:

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

If I choose the Eunuch life, you and this church accept me as True Christian ?

Absolutely not. Jesus Christ might have sympathy for you, and maybe offer you redemption, but you are never permitted to even associate with True Christians™.

Deuteronomy 23:1 "He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD."

In Christ

[Paul the Foreigner]

Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

It's your choice Paul

Marriage and an afterlife of ass rape in Hell by an demonic version of Ernest Borgnine.

or

Chop your daddy bit off and party with Jesus.

Take some personal responsibility Paul and make you mind up.

If I choose the Eunuch life, you and this church accept me as True Christian ?

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Dear Pastor Ezekiel

Are you sure, the Eunuch life is my way ?
Do you think I am able to live without wife and children ?
Marriage is really forbidden to me ?

It's your choice Paul

Marriage and an afterlife of ass rape in Hell by an demonic version of Ernest Borgnine.

or

Chop your daddy bit off and party with Jesus.

Take some personal responsibility Paul and make you mind up.

[Paul the Foreigner]

Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Pls, sorry for repeating myself, but I'm not sure that Pastor Ezekiel read my post above.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
No True Christian™ father would sell their daughter to you, gypsy! Better take a different path.

Dear Pastor Ezekiel

Are you sure, the Eunuch life is my way ?
Do you think I am able to live without wife and children ?
Marriage is really forbidden to me ?

[Dan U. Holier]

Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

...I said, this is Hungarian language. The most beautiful language in the world.

Ezt tolmácsoljátok le:
Néha olyan sötétek tudtok lenni, mint egy kupac virágföld
Ne is haragudjatok, de ez az igazság.
Ugyanakkor szomorú is vagyok miattatok, mert néhány hitetlen ember azt hiheti rólatok, hogy ti keresztények vagytok, és emiatt rossz kép alakul ki bennük Istenről.
Szégyent hoztok az egész újjászületett Egyházra.

Ignorant, do you know what the most beautiful language really is? The divine KJV.1611 version of English, hands down! Your gypsy crap sounds like a bunch of colonic demons prattling thru someone’s backdoor.

Cut down the goulash!

YiC

Dan U. Holier

[Paul the Foreigner]

Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

No True Christian™ father would sell their daughter to you, gypsy! Better take a different path.

Dear Pastor Ezekiel

Are you sure, the Eunuch life is my way ?
Do you think I am able to live without wife and children ?
Marriage is really forbidden to me ?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

This is a very powerful prayer against Witchcraft. This prayer can shut down witches and satanists forever. Being that this prayer basically shuts down the senders of the hexes and vexes by returning their evil to them sevenfold. I hurl it at you NOW in Christ's name!!

Father,
In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, I plead the precious uncorruptable blood of Jesus over myself and my church and everything that belongs to us. I ask for giant warrior Angels to be loosed from Heaven to surround and protect us. As your war club and weapons of war I break down, undamn, and blow up all walls of protection around all witches, warlocks, wizards, satanists, and the like, and I break the power of all curses, hexes, vexes, spells, charms, fetishes, physic prayers, physic thought, all witchcraft, sorcery, magic, voodoo, all mind control, jinxes, potions, bewitchments, death, destruction, sickness, pain, torment, physic power, physic warfare, prayer chains, and everything else being sent my way or my family members way, and I return it and the demons to the senders right now!, SEVENFOLD, and I BIND it to them by the Blood of Jesus!

Father, I pray that these lost souls will find the light of your son Jesus.. Their own snares and traps have been set against themselves.. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth I now loose them from all mindcontrol of satan!.. Father I also ask that you Bind the Holy Spirit to there hearts as a guide to your son Jesus.. So they may be set free from the bondages of satan.

In Jesus name I pray..
Amen

[Didymus Much]

Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

You forgot to translate the word " rendesen "...

Blame Google, not me.

If you don't speak English here, you risk being even more misunderstood because those of us not fluent in Gypsy have to rely on automatic translators.

[Paul the Foreigner]

Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Trasnslation from Gypsy Hungarian, courtesy of Google:

"I am not a gypsy!
If you are unable to speak, you be quiet!"

Uh, it'd be hard to do otherwise.

You forgot to translate the word " rendesen ".

...

And. HEY. I got infraction 50 points: " Reason: Spewing Voodoo Gibberish On God's Forum"

Do you have brain ?? I said, this is Hungarian language. The most beautiful language in the world.

Ezt tolmácsoljátok le:
Néha olyan sötétek tudtok lenni, mint egy kupac virágföld
Ne is haragudjatok, de ez az igazság.
Ugyanakkor szomorú is vagyok miattatok, mert néhány hitetlen ember azt hiheti rólatok, hogy ti keresztények vagytok, és emiatt rossz kép alakul ki bennük Istenről.
Szégyent hoztok az egész újjászületett Egyházra.

Csak annyit kérek tőletek, próbáljatok kicsit elcsendesedni, és gondoljátok át a hitéleteteket. Mert így ebben az állapotban csak sajnálni tudlak titeket.

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Nem vagyok cigány!
Ha nem tudsz rendesen beszélni, akkor maradj csöndben!

This is nice hungarian language. Use dictionary

Please do not waste God's Holy Bandwidth with oxymorons, gypsy.



Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth