Pissith Against the Wall

[handmaiden]

Brothers in Christ, there is something that has weighed upon my heart ever since I was accepted into the congregation here at LBC.

There was a time in my life . . . pardon me if I hesitate, as this is a difficult admission . . . when, as a result of a mishap during preparation for surgery, that . . . I was fitted for a device that permitted me to "pissith against the wall" so to speak. Of course, I did not actually use a wall, as it was Winter, and I was reluctant to empty any personal reservoirs out of doors, but the experience of doing such "business" whilst standing up gave me an odd sensation.

Was I engaging in sin? Was I ursurping the proper station of men? Was I exchanging the natural use of my plumbing for something improper? Perhaps the feeling that came over me was an unwholesome appetite for power?

It was a difficult time in my life and when I did return to my natural function I was relieved. Still, that memory of peeing standing up gives me feelings of glee even now. What must I do to overcome this problem? Can you not point me to God's Holy Instruction in such a matter?

Is it also a problem that I really, really get a kick out of trying to say "pissith"?

Beseechingly Yours,

Handmaiden

[BlessedB]

Re: Pissith Against the Wall

Poor, poor Handmaiden.
I join you in your cofession.
In the shower, if I get REALLY REALLY close to the wall, I can piss on it! What does that make me?
I don't dare do it in the street, except that one time, well, é#{'((-" errr I had a lot to drink and you can't make me.... I won't tell... not even with a pound of the best Belgian chocolate, unless of course it's really GOOD Belgian chocolate...
At least I'm not drinking it. The piss. Is that good or bad? I don't remember.

[Dr. Ian Sin-Puncher]

Re: Pissith Against the Wall

My dear Sisters in Christ,

Upon consulting Scripture, it seems clear that the wickedness comes not from the POSITION or ACCOUTERMENTS which one uses to piss, but rather, from the fact that the piss falls upon the wall.

1 Sam 25:

[22] So and more also do God unto the enemies of David, if I leave of all that pertain to him by the morning light any that pisseth against the wall.
[34] For in very deed, as the LORD God of Israel liveth, which hath kept me back from hurting thee, except thou hadst hasted and come to meet me, surely there had not been left unto Nabal by the morning light any that pisseth against the wall.

1 Kings 14:

[10] Therefore, behold, I will bring evil upon the house of Jeroboam, and will cut off from Jeroboam him that pisseth against the wall, and him that is shut up and left in Israel, and will take away the remnant of the house of Jeroboam, as a man taketh away dung, till it be all gone.

1 Kings 16:

[11] And it came to pass, when he began to reign, as soon as he sat on his throne, that he slew all the house of Baasha: he left him not one that pisseth against a wall, neither of his kinsfolks, nor of his friends.

1 Kings 21:

[21] Behold, I will bring evil upon thee, and will take away thy posterity, and will cut off from Ahab him that pisseth against the wall, and him that is shut up and left in Israel,

2 Kings 9:

[8] For the whole house of Ahab shall perish: and I will cut off from Ahab him that pisseth against the wall, and him that is shut up and left in Israel:

So you should be alright. Just to be on the safe side, if I were you, I'd pray for forgiveness anyway. After all, the LORD doesn't like it when women get to thinking uppity thoughts of equivalence.

1 Cor 11:
[8] For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man.
[9] Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man

As for BlessedB's question:

At least I'm not drinking it. The piss. Is that good or bad? I don't remember

It's good.

Isa 36:

[12] But Rabshakeh said, Hath my master sent me to thy master and to thee to speak these words? hath he not sent me to the men that sit upon the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?

[Nobar King]

Re: Pissith Against the Wall

Of course girls just want to have fun, but do you really need a special device to piss against the wall?

Do you really want to write in the snow?

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Pissith Against the Wall

At least I'm not drinking it. The piss. Is that good or bad?

Proverbs 5:15
“Drink water from thine own cistern and the streams of thine own well.”
John 7:38
"Rivers of living water shall flow from your bellies."

[Brother Barnabus]

Re: Pissith Against the Wall

I think that Godless heathen Freud referred to your feelings as Penis Envy.
Thank the Lord sister for the opportunity to almost experience that power that is vertical urination. Too bad you didn't try to write your name in cursive in the snow with your temporary writing implement.

Praise Be, Amen!