Mother Glynndie---Are you there?

[Purity]

I feel it happening again! I need your help! Please see the attachment. It will explain why I need your help.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Mother Glynndie---Are you there?

I feel it happening again! I need your help! Please see the attachment. It will explain why I need your help.

While you are waiting for Mother Glynndie it might help if you rented some Deanna Durbin movies.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Mother Glynndie---Are you there?

Purity, where have you been? Are you in trouble?

[Sister Noddy]

Re: Mother Glynndie --- Are you there?

I feel it happening again! I need your help! Please see the attachment. It will explain why I need your help.

This sounds like a cry for help, brothers! If we knew what is happening we could do something for her! If we knew where she is!

It so happens that I do know something about cries in the dark ...

This is as good a time as any to report that my family has at last been informed of devilish goings on at the Appalachian homestead of our long-lost Cousin Hilly, back east in the mountains of western North Carolina!

The town sheriff has contacted my GODLY son-in-law, Godwin! Of course I broke down and wept after dinner, and when he finally hung up the phone he had to smack me upside the head before I could settle down!

Godwin and I had only just found out a few weeks ago that Hilly had been in trouble, when a wayward and nine-years' tardy letter finally reached us.

Now Cousin Hilly happens to have been Godwin's cousin on the in-laws' side of the family.

We had not heard from him or his grown boys for many years. It seems that poor old Hilly began to hear suspicious shuffling sounds in the woodwork, in the crawlspaces under the old clapboard house, in the smithy's shed, and the barn too.

It was apparently some weeks after he first noticed these furtive, sinister skitterings and scamperings, that he wrote us a letter of near-illegible chicken-scratch, left-handed. And the letter was lost in the mails ...

In it he complained of having been bitten by a varmit, of becoming delirious with fever, and his right hand had become stinking and blackened with infection! He wrote that the corruption was spreading up his arm toward his shoulder and his throat! He wrote that he had been bitten when he'd finally managed to catch the critter in a trap in the dooryard, and that it wasn't like any natural animal at all, brothers!

All of this happened nine years ago, and we never knew! The town sheriff has told Godwin on the phone that poor Hilly's, um, remains have been found. Let me spare you the gruesome details at this point ...

It seems I can't stop crying, and tonight as my GODLY son-on-law paces the livingroom with spanking paddle in hand and reminds me that Cousin Hilly's clan were Presbyterians, I cry even harder ...

Purity, have you been hearing demons shuffling softly in your kitchen pantry as you are cooking dinner for your family? In your closets as you are vacuuming the bedrooms and doing the housework? In your garage late at night? In the early mornings muffled somewhere above you in the attic? Oh where are yoooooou?

You have called out, "I feel it happening again! I need your help!" That was exactly what Cousin Hilly wrote! Turn to the Lord JESUS just as if your life depends on it!

You aren't a Presbyterian, are you?

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Mother Glynndie --- Are you there?

This sounds like a cry for help, brothers! If we knew what is happening we could do something for her! If we knew where she is!

It so happens that I do know something about cries in the dark ...

This is as good a time as any to report that my family has at last been informed of devilish goings on at the Appalachian homestead of our long-lost Cousin Hilly, back east in the mountains of western North Carolina!

The town sheriff has contacted my GODLY son-in-law, Godwin! Of course I broke down and wept after dinner, and when he finally hung up the phone he had to smack me upside the head before I could settle down!

Godwin and I had only just found out a few weeks ago that Hilly had been in trouble, when a wayward and nine-years' tardy letter finally reached us.

Now Cousin Hilly happens to have been Godwin's cousin on the in-laws' side of the family.

We had not heard from him or his grown boys for many years. It seems that poor old Hilly began to hear suspicious shuffling sounds in the woodwork, in the crawlspaces under the old clapboard house, in the smithy's shed, and the barn too.

It was apparently some weeks after he first noticed these furtive, sinister skitterings and scamperings, that he wrote us a letter of near-illegible chicken-scratch, left-handed. And the letter was lost in the mails ...

In it he complained of having been bitten by a varmit, of becoming delirious with fever, and his right hand had become stinking and blackened with infection! He wrote that the corruption was spreading up his arm toward his shoulder and his throat! He wrote that he had been bitten when he'd finally managed to catch the critter in a trap in the dooryard, and that it wasn't like any natural animal at all, brothers!

All of this happened nine years ago, and we never knew! The town sheriff has told Godwin on the phone that poor Hilly's, um, remains have been found. Let me spare you the gruesome details at this point ...

It seems I can't stop crying, and tonight as my GODLY son-on-law paces the livingroom with spanking paddle in hand and reminds me that Cousin Hilly's clan were Presbyterians, I cry even harder ...

Purity, have you been hearing demons shuffling softly in your kitchen pantry as you are cooking dinner for your family? In your closets as you are vacuuming the bedrooms and doing the housework? In your garage late at night? In the early mornings muffled somewhere above you in the attic? Oh where are yoooooou?

You have called out, "I feel it happening again! I need your help!" That was exactly what Cousin Hilly wrote! Turn to the Lord JESUS just as if your life depends on it!

You aren't a Presbyterian, are you?

Oh, Purity and her daughter live in a trailer down around Kansas. They used to live on the on the FAR outskirts of Freehold. Her daughter 'worked' in a men's 'club' ...'dancing'. Until she had three or four little pickaninny babies. We finally threw the lot of them out of town after hanging the darkie she kept sneaking in from Des Moines. It was a sordid tale and they still owe us thousands in tithes.

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: Mother Glynndie---Are you there?

I think our precious Purity is being tested because Jesus is concerned about her tithing. And I know Jesus expects an extra-large birthday present from each and every one of us this year. The end times are near and trust me, there are no bargain seats in Heaven! HELPFUL GLENDORA

PS Jesus prefers PayPal or cash.

[SUV]

Re: Mother Glynndie---Are you there?

Oh.my.God, Mother Glynndie and Purity Right here, together on this very thread! If Mrs Betty Bowers also shows up, I think I may have a slight accident....!

(No - Mrs Betty is no doubt in deep consultation with JESUS today regarding how the elections are going, as in, are we Christians victorious again?)

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: Mother Glynndie---Are you there?

Oh.my.God, Mother Glynndie and Purity Right here, together on this very thread! If Mrs Betty Bowers also shows up, I think I may have a slight accident....!

(No - Mrs Betty is no doubt in deep consultation with JESUS today regarding how the elections are going, as in, are we Christians victorious again?)

Sweet Sister Sue, we will know whether Satan has Purity's soul soon . . . surely she wouldn't vote Democrat?

[Andrew Barrick]

Re: Mother Glynndie---Are you there?

Let's just hope she gets out of that trailer park soon. We wouldn't want this to happen to her too. Then who would pay all those thousands in tithes? Oh well, I guess that's what life insurance is for.