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Brothers and Sisters, I come to you today with a contrite heart and a spirit of Godly anger. In my daily routine I rarely come across ungodly things except by way of researching them (at the Larry H. Craig Center for Godly Research here on the Landover Main Campus). However, today I was shocked on my trip through REDACTED on my way to the conference on the REDACTED. As I was standing in line for my third Venti Mocha Grande prior to my keynote speech, I was lambasted by the sight of a demonic sign, advertising what is know as "Free Trade" coffee beans and chocolate.
Friends, I know that the liberals out there make it sound all nice and cozy: buying a product where a fair price is paid to the growers of the product based on the final sale price, to ensure that the aggressive multinational corporation doesn't consume 99.9% of the profits while taking advantage of cheap labor in starving nations, but let me tell you something. Buying these beans doesn't help the people in starving nations, it takes food out of the mouth of young children right here in the United States.
Friends, we are lucky to live in a country founded by Capitalists, for Capitalists. We aren't here to just hand out money to those who aren't smart enough to demand a higher wage at the risk of losing business to a more desperate country. It is every American's DUTY to maximize profits, to squeeze every Godly drop out of every business deal to ensure that every American Capitalist child can afford their $55,000/year tuition at Landover Baptist University for the Saved, and to have their plasma TVs. When I pay $4.75 for my coffee, I expect at least $4.70 to go to Starbucks Corporation. And as a partial stock-holder, I am appalled to learn that Starbucks' management has decided to overpay South American workers, giving them a 75% raise to nearly $12/week when there was clearly far more work that could have been squeezed out of them with the right "influence". Friends, when was the last time you remember getting a 75% raise? How come some lazy, shiftless worker lucky enough to be born in some abandoned South American village can coin a sweet 75% raise, when we up here in the North have to get by with a measly 17% raise like the one I received last year? In fact, none of my colleagues here at Landover received anything over a 23% raise except for Pastor Deacon Fred, thanks to the Obama Recession. And I know that in private industries, many CEOs had to squeak by with even less.
Friends, we need to take a stand against this immorality. We need to stand up and vote at our shareholders meetings, take our voice and tell the liberal lefties at the helm of these corporations: NO MORE HANDOUTS FOR LAZY WORKERS. Put the money where it belongs, in Americans' pockets. In 401k's, in reinvestment, in banks. In AMERICA.
Friends, I know that the liberals out there make it sound all nice and cozy: buying a product where a fair price is paid to the growers of the product based on the final sale price, to ensure that the aggressive multinational corporation doesn't consume 99.9% of the profits while taking advantage of cheap labor in starving nations, but let me tell you something. Buying these beans doesn't help the people in starving nations, it takes food out of the mouth of young children right here in the United States.
Friends, we are lucky to live in a country founded by Capitalists, for Capitalists. We aren't here to just hand out money to those who aren't smart enough to demand a higher wage at the risk of losing business to a more desperate country. It is every American's DUTY to maximize profits, to squeeze every Godly drop out of every business deal to ensure that every American Capitalist child can afford their $55,000/year tuition at Landover Baptist University for the Saved, and to have their plasma TVs. When I pay $4.75 for my coffee, I expect at least $4.70 to go to Starbucks Corporation. And as a partial stock-holder, I am appalled to learn that Starbucks' management has decided to overpay South American workers, giving them a 75% raise to nearly $12/week when there was clearly far more work that could have been squeezed out of them with the right "influence". Friends, when was the last time you remember getting a 75% raise? How come some lazy, shiftless worker lucky enough to be born in some abandoned South American village can coin a sweet 75% raise, when we up here in the North have to get by with a measly 17% raise like the one I received last year? In fact, none of my colleagues here at Landover received anything over a 23% raise except for Pastor Deacon Fred, thanks to the Obama Recession. And I know that in private industries, many CEOs had to squeak by with even less.
Friends, we need to take a stand against this immorality. We need to stand up and vote at our shareholders meetings, take our voice and tell the liberal lefties at the helm of these corporations: NO MORE HANDOUTS FOR LAZY WORKERS. Put the money where it belongs, in Americans' pockets. In 401k's, in reinvestment, in banks. In AMERICA.
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