A use for a Slav?

[Brother Temperance]

Yesterday, while I was reflecting on the state of the world today, I decided it would be a nice idea to have a cake to celebrate the complete and total success of every decision George Bush, Tony Blair, and Jesus have ever made, particularly the imminent extinction of all crypto-Catholic ragheads. Naturally, being a man, cake-making is not my forte, so I instructed my Polack houseservant Condi to bake one for me. At this point, the awful little creature made a truly shocking confession: being a backwards Slav, she has no idea how to use any cooking device other than a tractor. I am in a real bind here. As everyone knows, women have two main purposes in life: Baking pies and other such culinary delights for Christian men, and baking Christian soldiers for Jesus in their womb. Now, ignoring the question of who would be sick enough to impregnate a Pole in the first place, it is pretty much self-evident that any offspring Condi has will be too Slavic to be of any use as cannon fodder for Jesus. But, if she can't bake, what is the point of her at all? I know the logical thing to do here would be to drown her in a bucket, but I'm a sentimental fool, and if anyone can think of any other uses for an ex-Catholic oddment, I'd be very grateful to hear them.
Yours In Christ,
Temperance

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: A use for a Slav?

I assume that she can use a hammer? Why not send her out to plant lawn signs for the GOP in these final days before the elections. Send her to NJ and tell her to plant anti-special rights for sodomites signs in every county, or else you'll send her back to yugoslavica or whatever hellhole she came from.

Other than that, I like the drowning her in a bucket option.

[Deaner]

Re: A use for a Slav?

I'd sell her to the chinks. The only reason slav women are masculine is because slav men are whimpering homers. The chinks have an entire culture built around this.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: A use for a Slav?

I know the logical thing to do here would be to drown her in a bucket, but I'm a sentimental fool, and if anyone can think of any other uses for an ex-Catholic oddment, I'd be very grateful to hear them.
Yours In Christ,
Temperance

Brother, the answer is simple. Polack women look enough like men that no one can tell the difference. Dress her as a man and take her to bars with you. When someone at the bar orders something you want, tell them "This Polish fellow just called you a fag". When the fight starts you should be able to find a bunch of free drinks on the bar.

[Brother Temperance]

A final solution to my polack problem?

Thank you all for your glorious advice - Pastor Al's idea was particularly inspired. However, I believe I may have discovered an even better solution.
It's simple: I just rent her out to vice clubs and other dens of sin as a "pole dancer." The heathen fornicators and similar liberals flock in, expecting to see a depraved hussy gyrating her way around a phallic pagan Maypole. Instead, they get one of the least erotic sights on God's green earth, a she-Slav clumping her ungainly hooves around to the sound of "Nellie the Elephant." No innocent manseeds are spilt needlessly, and the heathens are often so outraged they'll do the Lord's work by burning the vice den down themselves. And, even better, all the money these perverts fork over gets tithed directly to Jesus!