Hogwarts - STD horror

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

A member of my congregation informed me this morning that her daughter has contracted a case of the "Hogwarts".

I've never heard of this disease, but apparently she got it from her husband, who seems always to be late coming home from work, and has many breakdowns at a nearby highway rest area.

Can anyone tell me about this disease? I don't even know what the symptoms are, but it sounds horribly unpleasant.

I can't help but think pork is somehow involved.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Hogwarts - STD horror

I think it can be contracted by attending a Harry Potter book signing.

[piratespazz]

Re: Hogwarts - STD horror

This appears to be a very grave situation and cannot please the lord;

Leviticus 22:22
Do not offer to the LORD the blind, the injured or the maimed, or anything with warts or festering or running sores. Do not place any of these on the altar as a food offering presented to the LORD.

As far as those late nights at the rest area;

Romans 14:15 But if thy brother be grieved with thy meat, now walkest thou not charitably. Destroy not him with thy meat, for whom Christ died.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Hogwarts - STD horror

A member of my congregation informed me this morning that her daughter has contracted a case of the "Hogwarts".

I've never heard of this disease, but apparently she got it from her husband, who seems always to be late coming home from work, and has many breakdowns at a nearby highway rest area.

Can anyone tell me about this disease? I don't even know what the symptoms are, but it sounds horribly unpleasant.

I can't help but think pork is somehow involved.

My own husband, dear Mr. Etheldreda, often finds his car breaks down near highway rest areas as well. I suspect the Adversary has a mighty power over these places (you know, what with all the evil and immorality that invites his presence there). In any case, my husband takes the time to minister the Word to people there while he takes the time to fix his automobile. I can ask him if he's ever heard of this condition himself. He's out of town this week on a business trip so it'll have to wait, if you don't mind.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Hogwarts - STD horror

I thought hogwarts was an expression for BS?

You know like "that's complete hogwarts. Of course all gays go to HELL".

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Hogwarts - STD horror

Maybe hogwarts are like genital warts! Eww.

[BargeDave]

Re: Hogwarts - STD horror

A member of my congregation informed me this morning that her daughter has contracted a case of the "Hogwarts".

I've never heard of this disease, but apparently she got it from her husband, who seems always to be late coming home from work, and has many breakdowns at a nearby highway rest area.

Can anyone tell me about this disease? I don't even know what the symptoms are, but it sounds horribly unpleasant.

I can't help but think pork is somehow involved.

It's almost definitely herpes.

I'm guessing the gentleman in question may have unfortunately shared a fuel siphoning hose with a fellow motorist of less than wholesome morals.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Hogwarts - STD horror

It's almost definitely herpes.

I'm guessing the gentleman in question may have unfortunately shared a fuel siphoning hose with a fellow motorist of less than wholesome morals.

But then how would the young lady get it . . . down there?

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Hogwarts - STD horror

But then how would the young lady get it . . . down there?

From dating this unsaved pervert!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hogwarts - STD horror

It's almost definitely herpes.

I'm guessing the gentleman in question may have unfortunately shared a fuel siphoning hose with a fellow motorist of less than wholesome morals.

A common practice amongst you abos. I'll take your word for it.

[Jpagan]

Re: Hogwarts - STD horror

Maybe hogwarts are like genital warts! Eww.

Is it okay if I find the slang of "Hogwarts" for an STD hilariously ironic? Abstaining until you find your mate may truly be the safest way to avoid these scary stds.

[shy Rita]

Re: Hogwarts - STD horror

I'd like to point out that through abstinence and not dressing like a slut (just keep your clothes on- not that hard to do), there is a 100% chance of not getting an STD. I mention the keeping your clothes on because now apparently there are STDs that travel just by skin-to-skin contact. Clearly this is God's righteous judgement on people who dress like sluts and engage in sickening acts of sodomy.

[Noah Sole]

Re: Hogwarts - STD horror

I'd like to point out that through abstinence and not dressing like a slut (just keep your clothes on- not that hard to do), there is a 100% chance of not getting an STD. I mention the keeping your clothes on because now apparently there are STDs that travel just by skin-to-skin contact. Clearly this is God's righteous judgement on people who dress like sluts and engage in sickening acts of sodomy.

Apparently you can buy special suits to prevent skin contact and thus prevent getting diseases.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Hogwarts - STD horror

I'd like to point out that through abstinence and not dressing like a slut (just keep your clothes on- not that hard to do), there is a 100% chance of not getting an STD. I mention the keeping your clothes on because now apparently there are STDs that travel just by skin-to-skin contact. Clearly this is God's righteous judgement on people who dress like sluts and engage in sickening acts of sodomy.

Is that how the Hogwarts get around? Simple skin-to-skin contact?

Can I get them from a handshake? I shook the girl's hand at service on Sunday!

Shall I tell her mother to quarantine the girl in her menstra hut and disinfect the house?

[shy Rita]

Re: Hogwarts - STD horror

Is that how the Hogwarts get around? Simple skin-to-skin contact?

Can I get them from a handshake? I shook the girl's hand at service on Sunday!

Shall I tell her mother to quarantine the girl in her menstra hut and disinfect the house?

I'm not sure about the Hogwarts, but I'll check...
In actuality, the term Hogwarts (the school of the Harry Potter series) is alluding to genital warts. Disgusting. Yet more proof that J.K. Rowling is one sick bastard! (Knew it all along...)