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  • chaw

    I was enjoying a chew a few minutes ago sitting on the porch swing listening to the hounds howling across the fields and thinking about how lucky we are to live in God’s world and how God is good. I chew Redman straight. You know the good old kind like my grandpa chewed. I got to thinking, is there anything wrong with it? It’s an honest chew. You chew on on it, you don’t just let the juices run into your mouth. None of that sissy Coppenhagen Europian communist stuff. No “pinch between the cheek and gum” c**p. I mean that sounds so squeally voiced as to be disgusting! But is it right to put something called Redman in your mouth? Should I switch? But mailpouch don’t sound much better.

    There’s something so satisfying about a good chew. I’m missing a tooth in the front from when I had an accident with a bit gone bad when I was splitting firewood when I was younger and I can really let that juice fly.

    I can’t find nothing in the Good Book about chewing, but there is that part about spilling your seed on the ground. Now, I’m not stupid; I know what that’s about. But if we was to strecth it out to mean any of God’s produce shouldn’t be just thrown on the ground, does that mean we shouldn’t spit, but swallow? I mean to say the juice shouldn’t be spit out? It can make you really sick if you swallow it. What if you take a bite out of some apple and see you bit a worm clean in half? Is it all right to spit it out, or should you swallow that worm?

    I just don’t know. Satan is so tricky you never can be too sure about what to do. I follow the Lord’s word, but sometimes it’s not just clearly spelled out and I need some help as to what’s what. I want to thank you for any light you can shed on this problem.

  • #2
    Re: chaw

    Chaw all you want. Brother. It's the American thing to do now that the legislature has FINALLY outlawed the filthy habit of smoking in EVERY public place and business in Hawaii, Thank GOD, and I hope in the rest of the USA within the year. If that Redman is too tame for you, try some Betel nut.

    ATTENTION SMOKERS! STAY AWAY FROM HAWAII! There is no longer ANY PLACE YOU CAN LEGALLY SMOKE! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
    Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
    "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
    Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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    • #3
      Re: chaw

      But Pastor, does Brother Marshall grow chewing tobacco or smoking tobacco?
      Matthew:
      5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
      5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
      10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
      10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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      • #4
        Re: chaw

        Originally posted by eliot mayfield View Post
        But Pastor, does Brother Marshall grow chewing tobacco or smoking tobacco?
        Same stuff, different insecticide.
        Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
        "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
        Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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        • #5
          Re: chaw

          Well, whatever you do, just don't touch the snuss. That stuff is of SATAN!
          O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



          God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

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          • #6
            Re: chaw

            Just a few helpful tips:

            If you use a soda or beer can to spit in, pry up the pull tab to give innocent folks who might accidentally take a sip some advance warning.

            A lady who chews is in my high-risk group for being a carpet cleaning lezbertarian. So I'd like to warn all our young men that gals who chew may let you father a few children, but don't be surprised when you end up paying child support to her and her coven of rug munching wiccans.

            Finally, a lady who chews and is on a softball or rugby team . . . well, it goes without saying, doesn't it?
            Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.

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            • #7
              Re: chaw

              Originally posted by Glendora Christianson View Post
              Just a few helpful tips:

              If you use a soda or beer can to spit in, pry up the pull tab to give innocent folks who might accidentally take a sip some advance warning.

              A lady who chews is in my high-risk group for being a carpet cleaning lezbertarian. So I'd like to warn all our young men that gals who chew may let you father a few children, but don't be surprised when you end up paying child support to her and her coven of rug munching wiccans.

              Finally, a lady who chews and is on a softball or rugby team . . . well, it goes without saying, doesn't it?
              ...I wonder if chaw ladies spit or swallow?
              Who Will Jesus Damn?

              Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

              Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

              Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

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