Is it too late for me?

[Kargok]

I have only recently began visiting this site, and your message is so uplifting! I have taken some of your quizzes and have been surprised at the extent of my own bible knowledge (10/10 on the who goes to heaven/who goes to hell quiz!)

My question is this: I would like to start following your teachings more closely, but I have spent years going to public schools, wearing unchristian clothing, eating unchristian foods, and even listening to unchristian music! Is it too late for me to learn your ways and become a true Christian?

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: Is it too late for me?

Dear friend:

As long as you have not committed the unpardonable sin, it is not too late for you. Your hellish past means that you have some catching up to do, but Jesus can help you with that. Praise!

If you are sincere in your desire to repent, believe in Our Lord Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, follow every word in the Holy King James Bible (not just the parts that fluffy-bunny liberal "pastors" like to preach from the pulpit), and set up a tithing schedule with one of our Godly pastors, then you are welcome to study our ways and start on the road to becoming a True Christian™.

[Enobarbus]

Re: Is it too late for me?

I have only recently began visiting this site, and your message is so uplifting! I have taken some of your quizzes and have been surprised at the extent of my own bible knowledge (10/10 on the who goes to heaven/who goes to hell quiz!)

My question is this: I would like to start following your teachings more closely, but I have spent years going to public schools, wearing unchristian clothing, eating unchristian foods, and even listening to unchristian music! Is it too late for me to learn your ways and become a true Christian?

With the Lord, friend, all things are possible. Here at Landover we have seen the most wretched and loathsome sinners come to the Lord. Of course for some it is more difficult than others. It requires that you repent, accept the Lord Jesus as your Saviour, and tithe to Landover. You are a white American citizen? You do believe in the freedom for all citizens to carry firearms, and have never voted demoncrat, I hope?

It will take some time, and for someone who has been steeped in sin the way you have, extra fasting, prayer, and tithing may be necessary.

Just keep coming to church and the Pastors will pray about you and eventually receive a vision from Jesus about whether you should or should not be formerly accepted into the ranks of the anointed, and become one of the elect -- a Landover Baptist True Christian™ the only way to Salvation®.

[Star Finder]

Re: Is it too late for me?

I am a sinner and a pagan as well, but I find that tithing gives me a great joy and my heart and increased sexual arousal.

You should start a tithing program immediately and then start studying this "bible" they talk about. I was satisfied with the effects of hitting the paypal button.

[Ixi]

Re: Is it too late for me?

Don't listen to them. Believe what you want to believe, do what you want to do. No one will shoot firebolts from the sky if you wear the wrong clothes or eat the wrong things.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Is it too late for me?

Don't listen to them. Believe what you want to believe, do what you want to do. No one will shoot firebolts from the sky if you wear the wrong clothes or eat the wrong things.

Now, now! Don't get in the way of someone who has found TRUE CHRISTIANITY(TM) and wants to tithe!

[Kargok]

Re: Is it too late for me?

Don't listen to them. Believe what you want to believe, do what you want to do. No one will shoot firebolts from the sky if you wear the wrong clothes or eat the wrong things.

I may not be a True Christian yet, but I can still recognize the words of Satan when I see them! You won't stop me from being saved!

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Is it too late for me?

I am a sinner and a pagan as well, but I find that tithing gives me a great joy and my heart and increased sexual arousal.

That is wrong on so many levels, Star-Finder.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Is it too late for me?

I may not be a True Christian yet, but I can still recognize the words of Satan when I see them! You won't stop me from being saved!

Praise Jesus, you are on the right path now. You will find that our Godly forum is sometimes invaded by unsaved scum. PAY THEM NO HEED!

"If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers; Namely, of the gods of the people which are round about you ... Thou shalt not consent unto him, nor hearken unto him; neither shall thine eye pity him, neither shalt thou spare, neither shalt thou conceal him: But thou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people. And thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die." -- Dt.13:6-10

These heathens and God mockers are going to wake up in a lake of fire one day soon. Since you have stated that you wish to avoid the same fate, you would do well to study the Holy Bible and read through these threads.

Perhaps you could introduce yourself in the "introduction forum" in more detail. I would be interested in hearing the details of your depraved, sinful past, as well as how you obtained that demonic-sounding name.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Is it too late for me?

Don't listen to them. Believe what you want to believe, do what you want to do. No one will shoot firebolts from the sky if you wear the wrong clothes or eat the wrong things.

Try telling that to the Iraqis. Or the Afghans. Or any other uncivilised heathens who have felt the wrath of the Godly USAF.

[Deaner]

Re: Is it too late for me?

I would like to start following your teachings more closely, but I have spent years going to public schools, wearing unchristian clothing, eating unchristian foods, and even listening to unchristian music! Is it too late for me to learn your ways and become a true Christian?

Friend; there is no need for you to be emabarrassed by your sins. Nothing is too big for our Saviour to handle.

Trust me, once you feel the love and compassion of Sweet Baby Jesus flowing thru your veins; you will no longer consider an eight ball and a hooker as a form of entertainment. Godspeed friend.

Dean