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Hello this is Mr. Green asking for some Christian Advice.
As you all know I am in England visiting a friend named Dr. Lawrence Black. He was keeping up good with swallowing all my Christian preachings I given him(Landover style of course) untill recently he held a party at his mansion with 10 or 12 other unsaved harlots and homers (Including a Fwench Canuckian, a niggeress, and other abomidable filth) . Needless to say I was appalled and began my immediate rebuking to Lawrence who had simply gone too far. Finally he blabbers that he was going to discontinue his tithing and religion thinking that Landover Baptists were false Christians! He annonced he was going to convert to Homerism and Veganism which we all know there is no difference. There was no point in arguing, I had to leave this Hell House! The problem is that it was raining real bad and my green hummer was stuck so deep in mud in which it could not get out.
During the night, I contemplated the different ways I could get him back into LBC shape so I wouldn't have to let 12 years of cold hard preaching to go down the drain. The next morning, his cook found him dead in the Cellar, apparently murdered. Because he had denounced the Lord, he didn't have the proper chance to repent his wickedness, so now I'm certain he is burning in Hell on top of Satan's spikey tallywhacker.
Now my problem is, has anybody dealt with this rather trying situation before? Where somebody you know has been murdered? What kind of of alibi would you use, because the police don't seem to believe me. Oh I hate England. I miss the good ol' USA when the Christian police are on your side because they know Christians are always innocent, after all, it aint murder if God tells you to do it(Not that I did or anything). But I'm dealing with pansy Pritish police here, so if you get off on the wrong foot with someone, your automatically guilty and I need out of this Unholy mess.
-A very flustered Mr. Green.
As you all know I am in England visiting a friend named Dr. Lawrence Black. He was keeping up good with swallowing all my Christian preachings I given him(Landover style of course) untill recently he held a party at his mansion with 10 or 12 other unsaved harlots and homers (Including a Fwench Canuckian, a niggeress, and other abomidable filth) . Needless to say I was appalled and began my immediate rebuking to Lawrence who had simply gone too far. Finally he blabbers that he was going to discontinue his tithing and religion thinking that Landover Baptists were false Christians! He annonced he was going to convert to Homerism and Veganism which we all know there is no difference. There was no point in arguing, I had to leave this Hell House! The problem is that it was raining real bad and my green hummer was stuck so deep in mud in which it could not get out.
During the night, I contemplated the different ways I could get him back into LBC shape so I wouldn't have to let 12 years of cold hard preaching to go down the drain. The next morning, his cook found him dead in the Cellar, apparently murdered. Because he had denounced the Lord, he didn't have the proper chance to repent his wickedness, so now I'm certain he is burning in Hell on top of Satan's spikey tallywhacker.
Now my problem is, has anybody dealt with this rather trying situation before? Where somebody you know has been murdered? What kind of of alibi would you use, because the police don't seem to believe me. Oh I hate England. I miss the good ol' USA when the Christian police are on your side because they know Christians are always innocent, after all, it aint murder if God tells you to do it(Not that I did or anything). But I'm dealing with pansy Pritish police here, so if you get off on the wrong foot with someone, your automatically guilty and I need out of this Unholy mess.
-A very flustered Mr. Green.
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