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  • tarroo ushtey
    Confirmed Enemy of God
    BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
    • Jun 2008
    • 5
    #1

    Advice needed please

    I would welcome some advice.

    Having read some of the great expressions of faith on this site I have come to realise that I really am unsaved trash, and want desperately to become at least saved trash in the hope that I may even progress beyond trash if I truly believe.

    That being so and since I have spent so long as an ath*ist before seeing the tunnel let alone the light how should I now progress.

    Should I first become a Muslim and then progress to being a Roman Catholic / Anglican before becoming a true Christian? Or is there a shorter way to become saved?
    Tags: None
    • Brother Temperance
      Senior Usher
      True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
      A very nice young man
      True Christian™
      • Sep 2006
      • 15621
      #2
      Re: Advice needed please

      Originally posted by tarroo ushtey View Post
      I would welcome some advice.

      Having read some of the great expressions of faith on this site I have come to realise that I really am unsaved trash, and want desperately to become at least saved trash in the hope that I may even progress beyond trash if I truly believe.

      That being so and since I have spent so long as an ath*ist before seeing the tunnel let alone the light how should I now progress.

      Should I first become a Muslim and then progress to being a Roman Catholic / Anglican before becoming a true Christian? Or is there a shorter way to become saved?
      Yes there is. Read the Holy Bible (KJV 1611, of course), follow every single word in it, and it wouldn't hurt to hit the Paypal button a few times either. Do not pass Mecca, and do not collect 200 Hail Marys. Becoming a Mahommedan would mean having to blow yourself up, thus robbing you of the chance to accept Christ and avoid Hell, being a Papist would mean being an idolator, and so there would be a serious chance that Christ would turn you gay as punishment*, and being an Anglican't would just mean being queer full stop. You can't order a diet version of Christ's Cleansing Blood, friend, it's all or nothing.

      * See Romans 1:22-27
      O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



      God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

        Comment

        • Pastor Ezekiel
          Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
           
          • Sep 2006
          • 78556
          #3
          Re: Advice needed please

          After clicking on the Paypal button below and sending us your Love Offering, you might want to read THIS Godly advice from Brother Jack Chick.
          Who Will Jesus Damn?

          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

            Comment

            • tarroo ushtey
              Confirmed Enemy of God
              BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
              • Jun 2008
              • 5
              #4
              Re: Advice needed please

              Originally posted by Brother Temperance View Post
              Yes there is. Read the Holy Bible (KJV 1611, of course), follow every single word in it, and it wouldn't hurt to hit the Paypal button a few times either. Do not pass Mecca, and do not collect 200 Hail Marys. Becoming a Mahommedan would mean having to blow yourself up, thus robbing you of the chance to accept Christ and avoid Hell, being a Papist would mean being an idolator, and so there would be a serious chance that Christ would turn you gay as punishment*, and being an Anglican't would just mean being queer full stop. You can't order a diet version of Christ's Cleansing Blood, friend, it's all or nothing.

              * See Romans 1:22-27
              But if I do click on the PayPal button surely my act of charity will be visible to others?

              PayPal does let the name of the originator of any payment be seen by ayone who is on the receiving end.

              Matthew 6 : 1 commands “Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven.”

              I am also concerned that “PayPal” is uncomfortably close to “Papal”, can I be assured that the Landover Baptist Church is not a Vatican front?

                Comment

                • Nobar King
                  Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
                  Christ's Guardian
                  True Christian™
                  • Sep 2007
                  • 23748
                  #5
                  Re: Advice needed please

                  I'm pretty sure your donation is kept in strict confidence.
                  May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

                    Comment

                    • Pastor Ezekiel
                      Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                       
                      • Sep 2006
                      • 78556
                      #6
                      Re: Advice needed please

                      Originally posted by tarroo ushtey View Post
                      But if I do click on the PayPal button surely my act of charity will be visible to others?

                      PayPal does let the name of the originator of any payment be seen by ayone who is on the receiving end.

                      Matthew 6 : 1 commands “Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven.”

                      I am also concerned that “PayPal” is uncomfortably close to “Papal”, can I be assured that the Landover Baptist Church is not a Vatican front?
                      You may post your receipt to me privately if you like. I can be contacted at the address shown at the bottom of my signature. Just click on the link, discretion assured.
                      Who Will Jesus Damn?

                      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                        Comment

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