[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

I believe you meant the possessive your in this case, rather than you are. And hey, with a bit more revamping, the bible could make a much better book of fairytales. It has potential. However, all the talk about rape, genocide, murder, and the endless 'begats' kind of ruin that right there.

Back to Sister Tinny though, by all means let her try, but it just means that whoever marries her will be in for a lot of trying with no baby.
Although most men wouldn't mind that, I guess. *snicker*

No, I meant "you are heathen face". It's a colloquialism, witch.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

Remind me, Pastor, how was it that the woodchipper happened to be right under her when she happened to be on the roof, and how it was that it happened to be on at the time?

[Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.]

Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

Pastor I recall that tragedy vividly. What a sad day for the entire congregation. What is truly sad is that it came immediately after that tiff over the new Lamborghini purchase, as I recall it -- if only that could have been resolved before God chose to revoke her lease on life. Such a shame that her time had to come at such an inopportune moment! I trust that the dear Ms. Vera was able to bring you peace and relaxation in the way that only a woman can.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

Well, Landover single men, today is your lucky day. After my stint of evangelizing to the mooselims I've decided to finally hunker down and get hitched with a kind, upright Christian(TM) man. Here are some qualities I would prefer:

- White skin (obvious)
- Owner of at least 15 authentic Freehold Press KJV1611 Bibles (two for us, and one for each of our children)
- A good shot (guns, you perverts) OR qualified attack dog trainer
- Well-read in apologetics and Creation Science (Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron's critique on evilution, ex-homer psychology, etc.)

I am especially fond of pastors, preachers, and ministers in Christ(R) as I feel that ministry is my vocation and so sorely needed in this wretched suckular world. However, whomever Jesus sends my way will ultimately be acceptable. I am obedient, submissive (to fellow Christians), virginal, and have full, child-bearing hips to squeeze out your delightful Godly offspring.

Hmmm....It seems obvious that you wrote that with me in mind since I fit all of the qualifications exactly. Unfortunately I am still in mourning for poor Mrs. Pistle who was called home to GOD seven years ago when she fell out of an apple tree into the woodchipper in what can only be described as a very tragic accident. If it were not for the congregation...specifically Sister Sue Vera, who is kind enough to bring me a supper on occasion, my life would surely have been over by now. Even the purchase of Ching Lee, my chink housekeeper was marred because she is a filthy heathen. Though she is insubordinate and won't work, her parents refuse to return my money or take her back. Never trust chinks, may they all burn in hell.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

If I didn't know that Jesus sent you're heathen hide here to test us, I would be praying so hard for Him to smite you right now.

I believe you meant the possessive your in this case, rather than you are. And hey, with a bit more revamping, the bible could make a much better book of fairytales. It has potential. However, all the talk about rape, genocide, murder, and the endless 'begats' kind of ruin that right there.

Back to Sister Tinny though, by all means let her try, but it just means that whoever marries her will be in for a lot of trying with no baby.
Although most men wouldn't mind that, I guess. *snicker*

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

If I didn't know that Jesus sent you're heathen hide here to test us, I would be praying so hard for Him to smite you right now.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

No it isn't. It's about the same as the fairy tales of the Brothers Grimm, except less interesting.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

Show me a woman in recorded history, not the bible, who has given post-menstrual birth without any medical aid whatsoever. As to the guinness world records woman, I'll have to check what her circumstances were.

The Bible IS recorded history, you dunderheaded witch!

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

Show me a woman in recorded history, not the bible, who has given post-menstrual birth without any medical aid whatsoever. As to the guinness world records woman, I'll have to check what her circumstances were.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

Uhh, Sister Tinny?

No offense to you, but you look like you're at least 10 years past your childbearing years.

Oh ye of little (actually zero) faith! In the Holy Bible, God gives us an example of His mighty might:

Genesis 18:11 Now Abraham and Sarah were old and well stricken in age; and it ceased to be with Sarah after the manner of women.
18:12 Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?
18:13 And the LORD said unto Abraham, Wherefore did Sarah laugh, saying, Shall I of a surety bear a child, which am old?
18:14 Is any thing too hard for the LORD? At the time appointed I will return unto thee, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son.
18:15 Then Sarah denied, saying, I laughed not; for she was afraid. And he said, Nay; but thou didst laugh.
18:16 And the men rose up from thence, and looked toward Sodom: and Abraham went with them to bring them on the way.
18:17 And the LORD said, Shall I hide from Abraham that thing which I do;

Well, perhaps I went on a bit too long. We don't need to get into that which God was considering hiding from His beloved Prophet Abraham just yet. But as you can see, God can ensure that any female can bake a Soldier for Christ at any time, at any age. Sister T is considerably younger than Sarah was in the story I related for you above, and since she is a Godly True Christian™ female, I don't see why Jesus would deny her future husband a few sons.

Once again, you were wrong, VanEmptyhead.

[tommy]

Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

Uhh, Sister Tinny?

No offense to you, but you look like you're at least 10 years past your childbearing years.

Everything is possible trough Jesus. Have you ever heard of Abraham and his wife?

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

Uhh, Sister Tinny?

No offense to you, but you look like you're at least 10 years past your childbearing years.

[Sister Tinny]

Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

Is that you in your avatar?

Yes, it is me. Is that you trolling in my thread?

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

Wow, did you invert that yourself? Do you want Jesus to give you a cookie for your outstanding insult?

What is this incessant need you have to derail the threads of Godly women looking for Godly husbands? Why do you want us to die alone (except for Jesus) and childless?
At first you entertained me, then you became an annoyance. But now I'm starting to see you as the monster you truly are, sent by Satan to destroy everything good we're trying to get in our lives. For shame! SHAME!

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

Wow, did you invert that yourself? Do you want Jesus to give you a cookie for your outstanding insult?

Why are you so angry, doesn't "mom and dad" give you enough attention or something?
Stop throwing these hissy fits, jennifer.