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My wife asked me to see if this where I might find a decent Godly man for our daughter? She takes after her mother, is a good girl, and spends much time on her knees. 
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Re: My Daughter...
How old is she? What's her best pie? We'll need to know more details about the girl if you want to find a good Christian man for her.Originally posted by Noah Dint View PostMy wife asked me to see if this where I might find a decent Godly man for our daughter? She takes after her mother, is a good girl, and spends much time on her knees.
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How often have you had to beat her? Does she take direction well?
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!! -
Re: My Daughter...
Pastor,Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
She's a good girl. Loves her mother. Loves Jesus and America too. She is 19 and a True Blonde(tm). She makes a great cherry pie - as inherited from her mother. She is currently working in the daycare here on the island to prepare her for the proper upbringing of children. (Mrs. Dint and I thought starting out with heathenistic children would be best. That way if she makes any major mistakes that result in major challenges for the child it will not matter as much)
What do you think sir?
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Re: My Daughter...
She sounds promising, although at 19 she's a bit over-the-hill. Most True Christian(tm) girls have popped out two or three little soldiers for Christ by that age.Originally posted by Noah Dint View Post
How often have you had to beat her?
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!Comment
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Re: My Daughter...
Pastor,Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
I am sure you saw through my avoidance of this question asked prior. For that I appologize to you kind sir.
Have you ever owned a dog you just can't stop from pooping in the house? No matter how much time and training and effort you put into the little critter? Well sir, my daughter has inherited many of her mother's fine qualities and ever since she was a young child we have noticed that what ever God puts into a blonde girl to make them act in a certain blonde way - she got a double dose. Now I am not putting her into the same steriotype used in blonde jokes and such things, but she just "doesn't get it" quite a bit of the time.
I do not know if it is a flaw with my parenting when I was a younger man or just the way Billie is, but it seems that we have slacked off of the beatings quite a good amount after we realized that no matter how hard or often we beat the girl - she was still mighty scatter brained. It was either accept her blondeness for what it is, or beat the girl to death! There really was no "win" in it for anyone.
So sir, to be completely upfront - we have most likely not beaten her enough.
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Re: My Daughter...
The truth comes out. You've got an old maid on your hands, and you're trying to foist her off on us. Still, we could probably keep her gainfully employed here at Landover Center. Bring her by after the holidays. Just tell the receptionist you have the "new girl."Originally posted by Noah Dint View Postsigpic
I loved Newt before Newt was invincibleComment
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Re: My Daughter...
Thank you Brother Lee. Yes, that is pretty much what we were afraid of. She is almost out of her teens already and not even being courted!
I appreciate the offer to "take her on". We'll drop her by after the holidays. I'll have the Mrs. go down and get her a bus ticket. We can give it to her for CHRISTmas and make her feel grateful for it.
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Re: My Daughter...
Brother Hank might like her. He seems like he wants to get married pretty bad. You should have him meet her, because he asks all the girls if they are married. I don't think he very picky, if you know what I mean.
Girls, do you have embarrassing "problems" with your down there parts like I used to? Reverend Jim Osborne can help!
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He is the Rock, his work is perfect: for all his ways are judgment: a God of truth and without iniquity, just and right is he. Deuteronomy 32-4
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Re: My Daughter...
Is she crazy about Elvis? If so, I believe my grandson Tyrone might be interested in courting her.Originally posted by Noah Dint View PostWell bless my soul. What is wrong with thee? You're twitchin' like man with epilepsy. Who do you think would have such bad luck? In the name of Jesus, now get up and walk! Mm mm oh, oh, yeah, yeah!
All Shook Up For The Lord.Comment
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Re: My Daughter...
Being Good Christian Parents(tm) and raising her properly we have insured that she has no idea what-so-ever who Elvis is.Originally posted by Rev Leroy Jenkins View Post
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Re: My Daughter...
If she loves horses, I may be able to put her to work on my farm. My son lives in the barn with the horses. They would be great together. I am teaching him that he needs to make his own way in this world. Just because Mommy and Daddy live in a nice warm house that they paid for, doesn't mean that he can come in and freeload. When he saves up enough money, he can rent a room from us.Originally posted by Noah Dint View PostComment
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Re: My Daughter...
She does love horses and I do appreciate the offer but she already has a boyfriend.
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Re: My Daughter...
I'm an atheist, but would be more then happy to take your daughter off your hands, especially as she's used to spending so much time on her knees, as she would be for me - but not praying i assure you.Comment
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Re: My Daughter...
I do not take offense to your words Heathen. I simply take comfort in knowing that you are going to burn in Hell forever.Originally posted by Dan Brown View Post
Know that I don't need to get the last word in either. Jesus will do that while I simply smile and watch. Look for me! I may even nod my head at you in affirmation! Glory!
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Re: My Daughter...
Haha, i bet.
Remind me to repent on my deathbed, if someone wants salvation they have but to ask of it and they shall receive it........So see you in heaven.....oh wait doesn't exist damnit....Comment
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