Considering A Help-Meet

[Attila's Wife]

Re: Considering A Help-Meet

Alas, it appears that I never shall be a father nor husband.

Patience, Brother. Have you thought of starting a thread in the Prayer Requests forum asking for support in your search?

Is it possible that I was meant to be celibate and never know the joys of being able to own, chastise, and reap sons from a loving woman.

Take care, Brother Larry - that's Cathlick thinking right there.

YiC
AW

[Brother Larry]

Re: Considering A Help-Meet

How grateful I am to my dear brothers and sister for their most valuable input on my consideration of a possible future bride. I am forever indebted to Dr. Niles for this comprehensive and brilliant guide. I printed it for future use and will take it to heart.

However, Dr. Niles' advice will indeed be used in the future, and not with Hortense. I used the services of a private investigator only to find the following information:

1. At the age of 14, Hortense kissed a boy on the lips behind the church and then would not speak to him unless he brought her a dollar. When the boy's family found out, they told their pastor. The pastor worked with local authorities and Praise JESUS, Hortense was removed from the church. Her family moved in shame; ever since, they've been trying to pawn off this obviously used girl on unsuspecting men like me.

2. A test of the cookies proved that they were from a local bakery and not made from her own hands. The cherry pie was purchased at a Piggly Wiggly and deviously placed in a pie carrier, without the store packaging.

3. Hortense has not been baptized.

Alas, it appears that I never shall be a father nor husband. Is it possible that I was meant to be celibate and never know the joys of being able to own, chastise, and reap sons from a loving woman? I am discouraged.

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: Considering A Help-Meet

Do you think that being 18 she is too old for training as a wife, or do you think her mother's instruction will make up for it?

Larry, a woman is never too old to learn how to behave. And don't rely on their mother's advice to supplant the hand and will of a manly Christian male: that never works out.

It is of the nature of woman to be whores and harlots.

Genesis 38:24 And it came to pass about three months after, that it was told Judah, saying, Tamar thy daughter in law hath played the harlot; and also, behold, she is with child by whoredom. And Judah said, Bring her forth, and let her be burnt.

So to get around the sinful nature of a woman why not follow my easy to understand tips for feminine congugativity?

The first thing a decent Christian manly man needs to do is to talk to the most important person in the situation. That's right, go to her father and explain under what conditions you will take her off his hands. She is after all a burden to him and hopefully he will be pleased as punch to be rid of her.

So, when you get the go ahead to woo the lucky girl you need a plan. Stick to this plan and you will have many happy years with her until she cannot provide you with any more young sons.

When approaching her for the first time she may not even notice you. Women are silly creatures and are often think about such things as pillows, rabbits and curtains. Try to make eye contact. This is important as a lot of communication does not take place with words (more of this later).

Once you make eye contact be sure to stare at her with a fixed gaze and don't stop staring until she looks away (very important). This does several things. It lets her know you are looking at her, it shows your dominance as a man and starts the necessary process of operant conditioning.

What I mean by that is that when she looks away (accepting your position in authority) she will feel a sense of relief. This acts as psychological reward. This means every time you look at her she will avert her gave and feel positive feelings and associate this with you.

Once she averts her eyes when you stare at her you can move on to talking. This involves a similar mechanism. Have you ever heard of the compliment sandwich? We we are going to use something similar.

I call it 'contextual reinforcement'. Start by giving her a compliment (it does not have to be true). Spend a couple of days simply being complimentary. Many Christian men find this a struggle but women and vain creatures who are hungry for affirmation from men and the aim here is to reinforce the positive emotions she feel around you. But always to be sure that she is the one who breaks eye contact with you first when you give a compliment: being dominated is pleasurable for women.

When she is inculcated into getting at least some of her self esteem from you (but don't boost her confidence too much as this can be counter productive) you need to change gears. The next interaction you have, engineer the situation so she makes some kind of mistake. These are known as Minor Mistake Events (MME) it does not matter what it is (but the more creative and outlandish the more significant the effect).

What is important there is that you react as furiously as is practical: shout, rant and rave. Make sure she is in no uncertain terms it is ALL her fault. Remember never to break eye contact. She will no doubt appear very confused but this is the default state of the the weak female brain; unable to process the information like a normal person would.

Be sure to tell her that NOBODY would put up with what she has done. SHE is the one being irational. This is socialise her to your extreme out burst as a rational reaction to her (actually quite minor) misdemeanour. Then leave her presence with out another word.

Let her stew for an hours or so. Return to her, but this time you avoid your gaze with her and apologise. This may sound counter intuitive but it is important. Tell her you got so angry because you really value the relationship that you have with her and the thought of losing her was too much to bear. Let her win the eye contact battle at this point.

Ask her if you can start again, smile and if you can shed a tear. Then tell her you are so happy, look as bashful as you can. Then leave.

The purpose of this is to fool her into thinking that she has seen the REAL you and that you were over come with passion. Women are emotional creatures and do not think logical like men do. NEVER let emotion enter into the equation: you are trying to get a wife, not a new 4x4

She will now think she knows the real you and from this point on any out burst from you will be filed away in her tiny brain as getting closer to the REAL you.

Give it a week of being nice, but start to monopolise her time. Draw her away from her friends and family. Start to make remarks how she does is better than them. This get her to be more independent. You may ask what use is an independent woman? Obviously none, but from her you can start to isolate her from her family and friends until the only social outlet is for her is you.

Once this is the case we need another MME. This time as well as tell her it is HER fault slip in the phrase "this is why nobody else loves you". No doubt she will question this but you say immediately "I'm sorry, I did not mean that". This starts to put the seed of doubt in her mind that perhaps nobody else does want her.

Here is where we start to invade her personal space. Gently direct her to sit down by hold her hands, then arms then shoulders. She should be confused enough that she will meekly allow to physically move her around.

For the next week praise her and reuse the phrase "that's why I love you" when she does anything even slightly worthy of praise. This socialises her to the idea that you do love her. Support this with off hand remarks negative remarks about her family and friends and how they don't see what you see in her. This reinforces the notion that only you REALLY love her because they don't show it. If she EVER recounts being dissatisfied with their behaviour note it down and bring it up ever time you can, furthering her psychological separation from her family and friends.

Do this for about a month. What next? You've guessed it: another MME. This time arrange it so there are some soft furnishing around for a soft landing. When the MME happens grab her shoulders (she should be used to you invading her personal space by now) and scream at her "why do you keep doing to this to me?" Shove her on the soft furnishing, and then burst into tears saying "nobody could love you as much as I do, why do you do this to us?"

From here is is just practice and repetition. How far you go with the discipline depends on when she finally aquiesces to you will. If you need to move up to the use of a correctional rod keep hammering home that SHE is doing this YOU and if only SHE loved you as much as YOU love her you would not need to use it.

And never forget the old stand by "this hurts me more than it hurts you". I do appreciate that you are a busy man and this is an investment in time and effort (average conditioning time is 6 month) but the benefits of have a timid, docile and fearful woman as a helpmeet cannot be exaggerated.

Good luck.

YIC

[Attila's Wife]

Re: Considering A Help-Meet

Hmm... What got my eye was that she is 18 and still doesn't have a husband. If I were you, I'd checked her background, just to be on the safe side, but in my opinion something is wrong with her.

It's probably just the name Hortense that has put other men off. Brother Larry, if you're prepared to overlook that, and put up with the ribbing you're bound to get about it at men-only events, no problem. I'd ask her parents what they were thinking of to inflict such a name on her, though. Maybe there was a reason, in which case run away! now!

YiC
AW

[Mark L. Snyde, PhD]

Re: Considering A Help-Meet

I took my wife when she was fresh out of high school, also at the advanced age of 18 to still be unmarried. However, I knew her father to be an upright man of God, as he and I were classmates. We had struck a deal when she was about 10 years old and began to catch my eye. I spent many lonely nights considering extensively if I should make her mine. Finally, I decided I would, much to the relief of her father.

So, I say as long as she has been properly trained in the ways of God on how to be a proper wife, don't count her out yet. As mentioned, do some research to see if she is worthy to be the mother of your sons.

But always leave yourself open to the option of choice if a better offering comes along in the meantime.

[Jack Rankan]

Re: Considering A Help-Meet

Hmm... What got my eye was that she is 18 and still doesn't have a husband. If I were you, I'd checked her background, just to be on the safe side, but in my opinion something is wrong with her. Speak with the comunity about her and her family...

[Thomas Taylor]

Re: Considering A Help-Meet

Do you think that being 18 she is too old for training as a wife, or do you think her mother's instruction will make up for it? Should I court and woo her or simply ask her father's price? I'm frankly uncertain if I am ready for marriage since I do have a tendency to want to test drive several cars before I sign the loan, if you men get my drift. How can I know for sure that Hortense is the right one for me?

Larry, whilst I am not 100% up to speed with all the in's and out's involved here , I believe the 50 shekel rule may apply. I would suggest you take further advice from a Senior Pastor on this though as I would not wish to lead you astray.

Hope this helps you

YIC
TT

[Brother Larry]

I seek the guidance of my brothers in Christ regarding a person of the weaker sex that I met in church during Sunday praise and worship. Her name is Hortense Miller and she is a certified virgin according to her father, Melchior Miller. She has a bit of an overbite so is not too comely but appears to be equipped for childbearing, has a pleasant voice (I allowed her to speak briefly, just to ensure the lack of a nagging tone), and is able to read the Bible. The women of the church brought baked goods for a sale they were having the following day, so I was able to have some of her cookies, but unfortunately, her cherry pie was off-limits for testing since I was told it is very popular within the community.
Her cookies were chewy, malleable, and of good flavor. They appeared to be homemade, not from some sinful box.

While a sample of her cherry pie would have truly satisfied my cravings, I respected her desire to save her pie for the rest of the community.

She sewed the very dress she was wearing with her own hand, and had produced a lovely scarf for her mother, a Godly woman that did a thorough job in teaching Hortense the womanly arts of cooking, cleaning, fetching, being quiet, and saying "Yes, Sir," to her husband. Frankly, I think I'm attracted to this person. But help me, brothers:

Do you think that being 18 she is too old for training as a wife, or do you think her mother's instruction will make up for it? Should I court and woo her or simply ask her father's price? I'm frankly uncertain if I am ready for marriage since I do have a tendency to want to test drive several cars before I sign the loan, if you men get my drift. How can I know for sure that Hortense is the right one for me?

Any and all advice will be gratefully received. I also grant permission for women to offer suggestions, things to look for, or perhaps ideas for a first date (other than church, of course).

May God bless anyone responding to this most important request.