Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus

[Elmer G. White]

Fellow True Christians™!

We all know that Russia's president Mr. Putin is a Man of God and while the world expects a Republican president, Mr. Putin remains the best hope for Jesus until then. Mr. Putin is perhaps the ONLY man that has said a clear NO to the homer swarm. He is an example to us all!

Isaiah 3:2
The mighty man, and the man of war, the judge, and the prophet, and the prudent, and the ancient,




Mr. Putin, the man with the mighty gun!

But now... This is horrible. Mr. Putin has been MISSING for a week!

This whole thing started after Putin's trip to Kazakhstan was canceled on Wednesday and a Kazakh official told a reporter that the Russian President had fallen ill. Then the Kremlin released a picture of Putin speaking with the leader of the Republic of Karelia. But it turns out that happened on March 4.

On Thursday, Putin's spokesman, Dmitry Peskov, said the President would miss his regular meeting with the Federal Security Service (FSB). When asked about his boss's health, Peskov said he is "absolutely healthy," his handshake so strong he could "break your hand." To illustrate the point, the Kremlin's Russia Today posted a picture of the mighty President slamming a judo opponent hard against the ground. Peskov says Russia is in the grips of a "spring fever" that is causing people to dream up harebrained scenarios.

He might be severely ill. He might be producing offspring. He might be DEAD! Perhaps he is imprisoned by atheists or false christians and cannot escape!

Even if Putin is in perfect health and the social media whirlwind turns out to have just been an outlet for creativity, talk of Putin's disappearance raises important questions.
What would Russia become if he suddenly left power? Is there a successor in place? Is there anyone who would continue Putin's policies? If there is a power vacuum, a conceivable scenario given just how thoroughly Putin dominates, what would the consequences be?

Mr. Putin might be somewhere helpless and scared and in distress and in urgent need of our HELP. It is time for mighty prayers, Brethren and Sisters. Let us pray for the safe return of Mr. Putin. We still need him. Jesus certainly craves for his company in Heaven but let us pray that Jesus lets us benefit from him a bit longer. Dear Lord Jesus, don't take him away from us yet! Amen! We are Mr. Putin's ONLY HOPE!


Psalms 119:117
Hold thou me up, and I shall be safe: and I will have respect unto thy statutes continually.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus

PRAYING!




I'm told even his lookalike dog has been keeping a non-stop vigil from him.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus

He's fine, Vlad and I have been busy consulting lately. Look for big things in the Ukraine and other provinces soon.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus

He's fine, Vlad and I have been busy consulting lately. Look for big things in the Ukraine and other provinces soon.

GLORY!!

Isaiah 55:4
Behold, I have given him for a witness to the people, a leader and commander to the people.

Mr. Putin is back. I fact, after our Good Pastor posted His reply, my mind was totally at peace. Again, True Christian™ prayers have rescued a close personal friend of Jesus from a fate worse than death, sodomy.

There was nothing in his appearance that indicated any obvious health problems.

Hence, while the reports of cancer and strokes were probably accurate, they can now be forgotten as Prayer Healing has proven effective. our prayers have saved Mr. Putin!



Mr. Putin can now continue his valuable work to cleanse the world from homerism and help us establish an axis of Republican Christian government in both continents.



It is time to offer a Prayer of deep Gratitude to Jesus!

Sweet Jesus!
Thank you for protecting your servant
Mr. Putin from the European homertrash.
Thank you for being patient and leaving him
To stay with us
For a while longer
Though you would surely
Enjoy his company in Heaven.
Thank you for Giving us Pastor Ezekiel to show us the way.
Amen!


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus

President Brother Vladimir Putin has risen to the position he holds through his devotion to the Lord God and his tireless work for Jesus. He is the most manly Russian since Peter the Great, though I must admit that most Russians have been historically sissies. This failing comes with their generally unhealthy fascination with the godless French, but I digress. Though he has little Russian competition in the manliness category from most sissy Russian men, he is none the less manly; all the more so when compared to the average Russian. And I digress again.

Even a hero for Jesus like President Brother Vladimir Putin needs to get away for some fishing or hunting from time to time. This is not evidence of some kind of flaw. It is a charming reminder that while President Brother Vladimir Putin may sometimes seem almost angelic, he is, after just a man doing God's work. God bless him and his efforts to bring Christianity to godless Eastern Europe, especially Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania...and the Ukraine, don't forget them. And Poland, too. That place is crawling with Romans. There is much of God's work to do in those parts.

[CleanForChrist]

Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus

Good to see that Mr. Putin has returned safe and sound. I feared that in his absence, the Queers would run the country over completely, damning it further back into the stone age. They actually allowed Queer activities in the early days of the Godless Soviet Union, can you believe it?

God bless the good Mr. Putin.

[Witch Hammer]

Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus

Good to see that Mr. Putin has returned safe and sound. I feared that in his absence, the Queers would run the country over completely, damning it further back into the stone age. They actually allowed Queer activities in the early days of the Godless Soviet Union, can you believe it?

God bless the good Mr. Putin.

I'm pretty sure that anal sex was compulsory in the U.S.S.R. during those dark years.

[Marko Loimaan-Aho]

Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus

People in Russia are demanding Putin to take over unholy Finland!!!

Please, pray everybody this to happen soon!

[Witch Hammer]

Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus

People in Russia are demanding Putin to take over unholy Finland!!!

Please, pray everybody this to happen soon!

Finland? Isn't that a marine theme park in Orlando?

[Marko Loimaan-Aho]

Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus

Finland? Isn't that a marine theme park in Orlando?

Sir Hammer, I do not actually know, but in Europe Finland is one of the countries that got independence when Soviet Union broke.

It is a communist country in north, arctic area and it is originally part of Russia.

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus

Finland? Isn't that a marine theme park in Orlando?

Finland is a part of Sweden. They have reindeer there and they dress like garden gnomes. Like all Norwegians, they eat mostly rotten fish and have a tremendous national problem with alcoholism. Few have been saved. The place is worse than Louisiana.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus

Finland is a part of Sweden. They have reindeer there and they dress like garden gnomes. Like all Norwegians, they eat mostly rotten fish and have a tremendous national problem with alcoholism. Few have been saved. The place is worse than Louisiana.

All this is certainly most interesting but please, let us not forget that the workforce of Jesus and its Europistanian branch, the executive officer of which is Mr. Putin, need our prayers to continue. As tireless as he is to prevent the homerswarm from drowning us, us tirelessly must we show him our support with prayer. Ultimately, the only country that matters is the manifestation of God's Kingdom on Earth and in this a Republican USA and a Putinesque Russia would be united.

Hebrews 11:16
But now they desire a better country, that is, an heavenly: wherefore God is not ashamed to be called their God: for he hath prepared for them a city.

Here we see Mr. Putin in communication with Jesus. A false Church but a True(tm) Savior!



Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Germanicus]

Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus

Putin is back, but zoon he will be thrown out of the Kremlin by hand of the Russians, he has bankrupted Russia ..

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus

Putin is back, but zoon he will be thrown out of the Kremlin by hand of the Russians, he has bankrupted Russia ..

Indeed, Mr. Germanicus. This possibility is heartbreaking, isn't it! Of course, it is only to be expected and - if it happens - only indicates more and more strongly that Mr. Putin is a True Warrior™ for Christ!

2 Timothy 3:12
Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.

While this development would obviously be extremely destructive for Jesus' plans regarding the Godly future of Russia, I'm sure that it would not affect Mr. Putin's spiritual future at all.

Romans 8:35
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

To answer that, no-one and nothing! No persecution or peril will divert Mr. Putin from his path that leads to Jesus.





Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Germanicus]

Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus

Finland is a part of Sweden. They have reindeer there and they dress like garden gnomes. Like all Norwegians, they eat mostly rotten fish and have a tremendous national problem with alcoholism. Few have been saved. The place is worse than Louisiana.

Finland is not a part of Sweden! Your beloved Russia is much more drunk than Finland ...

http://www.boredpanda.com/fun-maps-they-didnt-teach-you-in-school/

http://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uuuploads/fun-maps/fun-maps-21.jpg