It's with a heavy heart I have come to you all to announce the recent hospitalization of a cousin of mine, ninth removed who I had no idea I was related to, until this recent announcement in my inbox.
Send your impending thoughts and prayers for Cousin Beauford Scoggins III who had been honorably discharged after consentually agreed upon brain damage while serving and shipped to live out his days in Alaska. He was recently groomed I understand to be Sarah Palin's environmental consultant and interior decorator (a chance to keep busy naturally) until this recent ill-fated incident when he went out bear trapping for Ms. Palin's new drapes. Silly Beau got cocky and decided to fiddle with a bear cub. It was all caught on camera by his intended, Claudette, who took the photo right before the attack, putting poor Beau in terminal care. Claudette was even less lucky, I heard.

Such a shame too. He had his whole life and future ahead of him, but that's how life is, and he's likely due to be called home to Jesus any second now.
Send your impending thoughts and prayers for Cousin Beauford Scoggins III who had been honorably discharged after consentually agreed upon brain damage while serving and shipped to live out his days in Alaska. He was recently groomed I understand to be Sarah Palin's environmental consultant and interior decorator (a chance to keep busy naturally) until this recent ill-fated incident when he went out bear trapping for Ms. Palin's new drapes. Silly Beau got cocky and decided to fiddle with a bear cub. It was all caught on camera by his intended, Claudette, who took the photo right before the attack, putting poor Beau in terminal care. Claudette was even less lucky, I heard.

Such a shame too. He had his whole life and future ahead of him, but that's how life is, and he's likely due to be called home to Jesus any second now.

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