Please pray for my eyelid to stop twitching

[Isabella White]

Re: Please pray for my eyelid to stop twitching

We need the best minds in LBC to figure this out. The first question is, "Is the twitching eye a message from God?"

Oh, dear Brother Mayor Hold: Why, I believe you're onto something here! The twitching eye that our dear Sister Victory has been experiencing IS a sign from the . Yes, indeed! The good is sending a message through our beloved sister, to tell us that blessed rapture of the is about to happen!

I Corinthians 15:52 "In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed."

Now, the message also has a reference to our -sent President TRUMP. "The last trump" means that President Trump will be the last President of the great nation of . Yes, yes, that's it -- oh, it's all so obvious now. wants us to see how He is using Sister Victory's twitching, twinkling eye to tell us that it won't be long now until the rapture takes place -- probably a bit short of the 2020 election.

A blessed evening to you, dear Brother Mayor Hold, and I do thank you so much for your great insight.

Sincerely, Isabella W.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Please pray for my eyelid to stop twitching

For the last 2 days, demon have infested my left eyelid and caused it to twitch uncontrollably. I've tried everything. Prayer, or course. But I've also tried slapping it several times. That didn't work. I squirted some water at it. I've yelled at it. Nothing worked.
My nephew suggested I should give the demons what they want so they will move on. I asked what he meant and he said to watch homosexual pornography! Has anyone tried this remedy? It seems like a long shot but I'm willing to try whatever might work.
Thank you in advance.

We need the best minds in LBC to figure this out. The first question is, "Is the twitching eye a message from God?"

To me, it seems an inevitable sign God is sending you a message. What the message is I'm not at all sure. I really doubt the message it telling you to "watch porn."

Perhaps the message for a young single Christian woman is, "Wink at the next handsome Christian man you pass by." Another possible message is, "This eye will gaze upon the returned Jesus soon."

I hope others will provide their interpretation of the sign.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Please pray for my eyelid to stop twitching

Psalms 35 tell a story of a man beset by troubles caused by evil people (Imagine a democrat with the head of a social worker and the body of a spider.) In his distress, the Pslamist calls upon God to deal with these creatures:
Psalms:35:17: Lord, how long wilt thou look on? rescue my soul from their destructions, my darling from the lions.
Psalms:35:18: I will give thee thanks in the great congregation: I will praise thee among much people.
Psalms:35:19: Let not them that are mine enemies wrongfully rejoice over me: neither let them wink with the eye that hate me without a cause.
(God’s response to this heart-felt plea is not recorded, perhaps because the prayer was unanswered as it was God who gave him enemies in the first place – On the other hand God could have given his enemies a cause to hate him - who’s to say?)

It strikes me that being mayor is a thankless task, as so much public duty is, and one is bound to accrue more than one’s share of irritating people.

I mention this as Proverbs:6:13 tends to indicate that this twitching eyelid may be a sign that stress is reaching you.
Proverb:6:12: A naughty person, a wicked man, walketh with a froward mouth.
Proverb:6:13: He winketh with his eyes, he speaketh with his feet, he teacheth with his fingers;
Proverb:6:14: Frowardness is in his heart, he deviseth mischief continually; he soweth discord.

Of course to the fluffy-bunny Christian, this might seem a little frightening, but the true Christian™ will be aware that God caused quite a lot of “discord” and all for a good reason*

So, in short, I see your twitching lid as no more than a period of decisiveness: I would not let it worry you.



*See the Flood, the Egyptians, the Amalkelites, the Moabites, etc., etc and Jesus’s Promise to slaughter a third of mankind

[John Creeser]

Re: Please pray for my eyelid to stop twitching

My nephew suggested I should give the demons what they want so they will move on. I asked what he meant and he said to watch homosexual pornography! Has anyone tried this remedy? It seems like a long shot but I'm willing to try whatever might work.


Thank you in advance.

Stay away from the PRON!!! Do not give the daemons what they so desire: Corrupting a True Christian (tm) lady with sulphur stinking homer PRON!!!

If you do, the daemons may give you THE AID!!! THE AID was designed by God for queers, but normal people can catch it from public toilet seats and raging homer daemons!!!

Just pray and keep your head down, I don't want the congregation to think you are winking at them in lust!!

[Dana723]

Re: Please pray for my eyelid to stop twitching

How scary! Now, when I was growing up, my mother said an eyelid twitching meant you'd get a visitor. Or was it bad luck? I don't remember. Perhaps you'll get a visitor who will be bad luck?

[Isabella White]

Re: Please pray for my eyelid to stop twitching

For the last 2 days, demon have infested my left eyelid and caused it to twitch uncontrollably. I've tried everything. Prayer, or course. But I've also tried slapping it several times. That didn't work. I squirted some water at it. I've yelled at it. Nothing worked.

My nephew suggested I should give the demons what they want so they will move on. I asked what he meant and he said to watch homosexual pornography! Has anyone tried this remedy? It seems like a long shot but I'm willing to try whatever might work.

Thank you in advance.

Oh, my, I am so sorry to learn of this, dear Sister Victory. I can sense how you are going through so much aggravation and turmoil. But, that's the way the devil is. He just won't leave the servants of the alone. But, do take comfort in knowing that it's a sign of your closeness with the because, as we know, the closer one is to , then the harder Satan fights us. Do take heart, dear friend, and know that your trials will bring great blessing to you because of your faithfulness to the .

John 16:33 "These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."

Now, as for rebuking the devil, are you sure that you let him know you really mean business? I mean, you are of sturdy stock, and I can't imagine he wants a rebuke from such a Godly amazon. Perhaps you just need to yell louder when you tell that devil to buzz off. Let him know who's boss. As for looking at naughty photos, I wouldn't recommend it, not at all -- it can be truly terrifying stuff. Someone once sent me a magazine called Muff Divers of Michigan, and I was in shock for weeks!

A blessed evening to you, dear Sister Victory,
Sincerely, Isabella W.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: Please pray for my eyelid to stop twitching

The good Lord, in His wisdom, directly addresses this situation and prescribes a righteous solution:

Matthew 5:29 - "And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell."

Well that would be fine if it were her RIGHT eye, but since it's the left eye we must fall back on The 10 Commandments for guidance. I forget which number it is: "God only helps those who help themselves."

I suggest duct taping the eye in the un-twitched position. Done.

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Please pray for my eyelid to stop twitching

The good Lord, in His wisdom, directly addresses this situation and prescribes a righteous solution:

Matthew 5:29 - "And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell."

Do you have a melon baller?

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Please pray for my eyelid to stop twitching

You can see from this picture young man who just finished watching some homer porn. His twitching has stopped but he is blind:

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Please pray for my eyelid to stop twitching

There is indeed lesbian porn and many call it carpet cinema or scissor flicks. However it is a lie of the devil that it holds any healing properties.

Only Christ’s Blood can expel demons. Begin pleading His Blood loudly in Jesus’Name until the twitching stops. Then praise God for a minimum of seven hours to keep it away. (There is a reason for that time frame).

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Please pray for my eyelid to stop twitching

For the last 2 days, demon have infested my left eyelid and caused it to twitch uncontrollably. I've tried everything. Prayer, or course. But I've also tried slapping it several times. That didn't work. I squirted some water at it. I've yelled at it. Nothing worked.

My nephew suggested I should give the demons what they want so they will move on. I asked what he meant and he said to watch homosexual pornography! Has anyone tried this remedy? It seems like a long shot but I'm willing to try whatever might work.

Oh my goodness, Sister V, I think you need to report your nephew to a pastor, as the very suggestion indicates that he may have some nasty habits! Did he suggest watching homer pornography or lesbitarian pornography (if the latter even exists - the mind boggles)?


As to the eye twitching, this has happened to me several times, always around 2 months after being blessed (I use the word loosely) with twins. I put it down to exhaustion at their ability to be awake for 24 hours a day. Have you recently borne a child, or are you perhaps caring for one or two? If so, I recommend locking him/her/it/them into your menstra-hut (which I assume is fully insulated against sound) and enjoying a good long nap. They will probably survive.

In the meantime, I will of course be praying for you, as will all my children. It will at least keep them out of my hair, and may even do some good.

[VictoryOS]

For the last 2 days, demon have infested my left eyelid and caused it to twitch uncontrollably. I've tried everything. Prayer, or course. But I've also tried slapping it several times. That didn't work. I squirted some water at it. I've yelled at it. Nothing worked.

My nephew suggested I should give the demons what they want so they will move on. I asked what he meant and he said to watch homosexual pornography! Has anyone tried this remedy? It seems like a long shot but I'm willing to try whatever might work.


Thank you in advance.