[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Please Pray for ME!!!

I was unable to find any Bible holsters for you, Brother Aaron, but perhaps one of these fine Bible carriers may suffice for your purposes:

PRAISE BE AND GLORY!!

Thank you Sister! The third on looks very nice. I'm sure it would work. I'll just do a search on Bible carriers. I may get a few, for different outfits and occasions. I wonder if they make formal carriers? I'm sure I could have one made to match a few of my suits!

[Justina Thyme]

Re: Please Pray for ME!!!

I was unable to find any Bible holsters for you, Brother Aaron, but perhaps one of these fine Bible carriers may suffice for your purposes:

PRAISE BE AND GLORY!!

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Please Pray for ME!!!

Thanks for the support all. My blood sugar was down and I was feeling a bit fuzzy. I'm OK now, thanks to you all, some prayer, and my KJV1611. I'm going to keep it with me all the time now, just to be sure. Does anyone know where I can get a Bible holster?

[Sledge Riprock]

Re: Please Pray for ME!!!

Aaron,

I have it on good authority from "Sources" that you are not now and never will be a Gay. The Pastors have asked me not to tell you why I know this, just understand that at some point in The Future! you will be an important member at Landover. I'm not saying you're not going to have some difficult stretches, you might even say some Very Difficult Stretches, but know this, you will Prevail over the Gays and the Butt Demons!

But keep praying. And don't drink too much. A little now and then is fine, like wine with dinner and maybe a night cap once in a while. And get that mole checked!

[Nobar King]

Re: Please Pray for ME!!!

Takes one to know one

That's why we have so much patience with the attackers who come here to stir up trouble; we know that it is the word of Jesus that draws them here and we live with the hope that reading about his glory will open your pitiful eyes which were sewn shut by the devil.

Edit--

Aaron, are you freaking out again?? Maybe you just need a drink and a nice nap. That often helps me forget about the things that are worrying me.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Please Pray for ME!!!

I've been reading my Bible and praying Pastor Zeke's prayer out loud. I printed up several copies so I can carry one around with me and I've taped up the others all around my house. I think it's starting to work, but whenever I stop, my mind goes back to . . .

Oh no! The thoughts again! There must be a whole nest of the gays somewhere close by, the thoughts come at me from everywhere!

OK, I'll hold my KJV1611 and the prayer in one hand while I type. That seems to help. One handed typing is hard though. Please, if you good True Christians™ could pray for me too, it might offset the gays sending their pervy thoughts . . .

Wait! I bet it's not the gays alone that are sending the rear end related thoughts to me. I bet it's Demons too! Oh no! Demons and the gays all thinking about my rear end. I'm really gonna need prayers! PLease Landover, Pray the gays and the butt demons away!

[christain-goth]

Re: Please Pray for ME!!!

Takes one to know one

[Ebenezer Wright]

Re: Please Pray for ME!!!

Are you sure you're not secretly gay and trying to hide it from everyone by bashing homosexuals?

Are you sure you're not secretly retarded and trying to hide it by hanging out on a Christian forum and bashing True Christians™?

[christain-goth]

Re: Please Pray for ME!!!

I'm having a reaaally tough time. I tormented by gays thinking about me and doing horrible things to various parts of my body, including my bottom!!! They are thinking about me all the time, I can feel it. Their images hardly leave my head the last couple of days!!! Please pray the gay's thoughts out of my head! Please!!!

Are you sure you're not secretly gay and trying to hide it from everyone by bashing homosexuals?

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Please Pray for ME!!!

Thank you Pastor, I'm trying. I'll pray and pray and pray!
But I'm tormented by the gay thoughts!

I mean . . . tormented by the gays thinking about me!

I've only been saved this time for less than a year, from the drink and the drugs and the fornication and the experimen . . .

I have to get a hold of myself. I have to remain strong. I need to go read my Bible, I'll be back later! Pray for me!!! Please!!!

Don't worry, Brother Aaron. I'm sure the gays would not even THINK of tying you down and forcibly gang-sodomizing you, treating you like a furry treats his dog, for hours on end.

No, you're much to burly and strong for that!

They are probably fantasizing about YOU sodomizing THEM, probably with help from the entire Landover Security Detail!

Fortunately, it's impossible to force a True Christian™ man to commit sodomy, since he can't perform unless aroused. See, you have nothing to worry about!

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Please Pray for ME!!!

Sounds like you have a demon problem, Brother. Try this prayer that I've used successfully from time to time.

Father,
In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, I plead the precious uncorruptable blood of Jesus over myself and my family and everything that belongs to us. I ask for giant warrior Angels to be loosed from Heaven to surround and protect us. As your war club and weapons of war I break down, undamn, and blow up all walls of protection around all witches, warlocks, wizards, satanists, and the like, and I break the power of all curses, hexes, vexes, spells, charms, fetishes, physic prayers, physic thought, all witchcraft, sorcery, magic, voodoo, all mind control, jinxes, potions, bewitchments, death, destruction, sickness, pain, torment, physic power, physic warfare, prayer chains, and everything else being sent my way or my family members way, and I return it and the demons to the senders right now!, SEVENFOLD, and I BIND it to them by the Blood of Jesus!

Father, I pray that these lost souls will find the light of your son Jesus.. Their own snares and traps have been set against themselves.. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth I now loose them from all mindcontrol of satan!.. Father I also ask that you Bind the Holy Spirit to there hearts as a guide to your son Jesus.. So they may be set free from the bondages of satan.

In Jesus name I pray..
Amen

Thank you Pastor, I'm trying. I'll pray and pray and pray!
But I'm tormented by the gay thoughts!

I mean . . . tormented by the gays thinking about me!

I've only been saved this time for less than a year, from the drink and the drugs and the fornication and the experimen . . .

I have to get a hold of myself. I have to remain strong. I need to go read my Bible, I'll be back later! Pray for me!!! Please!!!

[Turk Sucker]

Re: Please Pray for ME!!!

[quote=Aaron Portway;238427 They are thinking about me all the time, I can feel it. !![/quote]

How does that make you feel???Maybe a little... excited??Come on,share it all with us,and if the True Christians can't help you,maybe I'll pray to get you out of trouble

Oh,come to think of it,WHY would a homosexual guy thik about you...I mean you can't be their type...THEY are cute

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Please Pray for ME!!!

Sounds like you have a demon problem, Brother. Try this prayer that I've used successfully from time to time.

Father,
In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, I plead the precious uncorruptable blood of Jesus over myself and my family and everything that belongs to us. I ask for giant warrior Angels to be loosed from Heaven to surround and protect us. As your war club and weapons of war I break down, undamn, and blow up all walls of protection around all witches, warlocks, wizards, satanists, and the like, and I break the power of all curses, hexes, vexes, spells, charms, fetishes, physic prayers, physic thought, all witchcraft, sorcery, magic, voodoo, all mind control, jinxes, potions, bewitchments, death, destruction, sickness, pain, torment, physic power, physic warfare, prayer chains, and everything else being sent my way or my family members way, and I return it and the demons to the senders right now!, SEVENFOLD, and I BIND it to them by the Blood of Jesus!

Father, I pray that these lost souls will find the light of your son Jesus.. Their own snares and traps have been set against themselves.. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth I now loose them from all mindcontrol of satan!.. Father I also ask that you Bind the Holy Spirit to there hearts as a guide to your son Jesus.. So they may be set free from the bondages of satan.

In Jesus name I pray..
Amen

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Please Pray for ME!!!

I'm having a reaaally tough time. I tormented by gays thinking about me and doing horrible things to various parts of my body, including my bottom!!! They are thinking about me all the time, I can feel it. Their images hardly leave my head the last couple of days!!! Please pray the gay's thoughts out of my head! Please!!!

Aaaroon:
Where is your KJV1611?
Open it and read. It's really that simple.

[Nobar King]

Re: Please Pray for ME!!!

That wasn't much of a prayer.