New True Christian™ Struggling with Thoughts of Homosexuality

[Josiah Wheeler]

Hello brethren! Just last week I was going to the sinful movie theater and came across a pastor at the door. His shirt read "Who Will Be Sent to Hell?"

Well this did interest me and scare me quite a bit, so I right at that spot went on both knees and pleaded for him to save my soul. He told me only Jesus could save my soul so right on the spot I asked him to accept me.

However, I was attending a Methodist church and the pastor there was the cutest little thing, and now I experience Homosexual thoughts! I've never done so before. Could this be my first big war with the devil, Satan? Am I out of fellowship for attending a Methodist church?

With all my Saved-by-Jesus Heart,

Josiah Wheeler

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: New True Christian™ Struggling with Thoughts of Homosexuality

SNIPPAGE Am I out of fellowship for attending a Methodist church?

You are very likely in jeopardy of being sent to Hell for attending a Methodist "House of WHOREship" son.

With all my Saved-by-Jesus Heart,

Boy, you are FAR from saved. The only people who are truly Saved are the True Christians™ here at Landover. I'm not saying there's no hope, but let's just say I wouldn't be risking my life anytime in the near future, at least not until we determine if you are True Christian™ material or not.

[Bob4God]

Re: New True Christian™ Struggling with Thoughts of Homosexuality

'Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:' - 1 Peter 5:8

The devil does not want you to become a True Christian, and will do whatever he can to stop you! Do not let him!

Get on your knees and beg CHRIST to get inside you!

Remember, homosexuality is a CHOICE. You have the POWER to say NO! Tell the devil you won't give in to oiled-up muscular men with silky hair!

[Josiah Wheeler]

Re: New True Christian™ Struggling with Thoughts of Homosexuality

Remember, homosexuality is a CHOICE. You have the POWER to say NO! Tell the devil you won't give in to oiled-up muscular men with silky hair!

Well it's not an oiled up muscle man! The pastor is actually a negroid with man garden hairs on his head!

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: New True Christian™ Struggling with Thoughts of Homosexuality

with man garden hairs on his head!

What in the name of all that is Holy are you babbling about?

What are "garden hairs" boy?

[Jimmy C Lombardo]

Re: New True Christian™ Struggling with Thoughts of Homosexuality

A nigra pastor?

[Josiah Wheeler]

Re: New True Christian™ Struggling with Thoughts of Homosexuality

A nigra pastor?

Friend,

That animation makes me fearful. Is every nigra pastor put in a church through satanic ploys and trickery?

Please, continue praying for me. I am really walking through a dangerous part of the heathen world right now, liberal New York.

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: New True Christian™ Struggling with Thoughts of Homosexuality

Friend,

That animation makes me fearful. Is every nigra pastor put in a church through satanic ploys and trickery?

Please, continue praying for me. I am really walking through a dangerous part of the heathen world right now, liberal New York.

Josiah, I believe Brother Portway asked you a question. Please respect the senior upstanding members of this forum when they address you.

I'd also like to know what these garden hairs you mentioned are. Did this colored Pastor have green hair? That would make me very suspicious indeed.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: New True Christian™ Struggling with Thoughts of Homosexuality

If you are a True Christian(tm), why does it say "Unsaved Trash, Under Investigation" beside your name?

Are you on the drugs, son?

[Josiah Wheeler]

Re: New True Christian™ Struggling with Thoughts of Homosexuality

If you are a True Christian™, why does it say "Unsaved Trash, Under Investigation" beside your name?

Are you on the drugs, son?

Man Garden Hairs, as in, the hairs of a man garden. I think we can all agree that they hair of a nigra is that of a white man's pubic region.

That is another area in which I need prayer, for I cannot resist the temptation of using narcotics. Thankfully, I was turned right around from kinky (and all other forms of) masturbation upon the death of the heathen David Carradine.

Please forgive me for my disrespect.

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: New True Christian™ Struggling with Thoughts of Homosexuality

Man Garden Hairs, as in, the hairs of a man garden. I think we can all agree that they hair of a nigra is that of a white man's pubic region.

That is another area in which I need prayer, for I cannot resist the temptation of using narcotics. Thankfully, I was turned right around from kinky (and all other forms of) masturbation upon the death of the heathen David Carradine.

Please forgive me for my disrespect.

Son, you are sicker than I thought. I now believe you to be beyond hope and destined to burn in Hell.

[Josiah Wheeler]

Re: New True Christian™ Struggling with Thoughts of Homosexuality

Son, you are sicker than I thought. I now believe you to be beyond hope and destined to burn in Hell.

But, does not the Good Book state that he who giveth shall be without sin? Can my tithes not save me?

[Nobar King]

Re: New True Christian™ Struggling with Thoughts of Homosexuality

You're beyond that, boy, for willfully mocking God.

[Tertius The Scribe]

Re: New True Christian™ Struggling with Thoughts of Homosexuality

But, does not the Good Book state that he who giveth shall be without sin? Can my tithes not save me?

John 14:6: "6-Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me."

No, do you read nothing?

You must repent against faggotry, boy! Repent against your deathstyle!

[JennyD]

Re: New True Christian™ Struggling with Thoughts of Homosexuality

If you are a True Christian™, why does it say "Unsaved Trash, Under Investigation" beside your name?

Are you on the drugs, son?

Perhaps he's on the Meth?

Man Garden Hairs, as in, the hairs of a man garden. I think we can all agree that they hair of a nigra is that of a white man's pubic region.

What depraved part of the country do you live in, where Negroes scalp white men's nether regions for hairpieces?

But, does not the Good Book state that he who giveth shall be without sin? Can my tithes not save me?

Cite the Scripture, chapter and verse. Thanks.