[eliot mayfield]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

Where is everyone?? I just woke up in an alley. The nearest street appears to be named after a sneeze, something like Stagtagachoo!gade.

I don't know if I helped save Ilsabet's soul but gosh she sure is a pretty girl.

However, I may be receiving a punishment from God for not trying harder and longer. Does anyone know if there's a Biblical precedent for painful urination?

~~ OEJ

Don't pisseth against the wall!
I'm lost too. I found another internet cafe, this time a real one. I'm catching the train back to Prague. This place is dangerous.

[One-eyed Jack]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

Where is everyone?? I just woke up in an alley. The nearest street appears to be named after a sneeze, something like Stagtagachoo!gade.

I don't know if I helped save Ilsabet's soul but gosh she sure is a pretty girl.

However, I may be receiving a punishment from God for not trying harder and longer. Does anyone know if there's a Biblical precedent for painful urination?

~~ OEJ

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

I sure envy you all, out there preaching the word of God and ministering to all of those filthy fallen women (and transexuals). [...]

Transsexuals!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, Pastor B! Don't worry! We will save you. Shhhhhhh, thank me later. We can't lose you to Denmarkian harlots! You're coming back to Freehold, sir.

Did you read Capt. Portway's post?! Ignore what I said, I want out of here! Where in Damnation are you!

I don't know where I am, here's a few photos of my surroundings, someone must recognize the place.

PS, you don't think that one in the top right is a transsexual do you?

[Levi Jones]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

Do not attempt to rescue me… (no, really, don't)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, Pastor B! Don't worry! We will save you. Shhhhhhh, thank me later. We can't lose you to Denmarkian harlots! You're coming back to Freehold, sir.

[Gabriel Reproba]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

I am so upset that I must stay at home ministering to my mother's bunyons while you all are out there giving it to the unwashed with all you've got. Might I suggest that displaying the following test from the Bible on your sign will get your point across:

"Want zij op hun paramours doted, het waarvan vlees als vlees van ezels zijn, en de waarvan kwestie als de kwestie van paarden is."

This is, of course, Ez 23:20 which reads in American:

"For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses." Ez. 23:20

For those unsaved out there, I will translate to your hippy-liberal NON-bible called the NIV:

"There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses."

I hope that the BIBLE'S true message about lusting after male genitals as big as donkeys and which emit as much seed as a horse does really sends the message to those whores and shows the world what Landover Men are all about!

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

I sure envy you all, out there preaching the word of God and ministering to all of those filthy fallen women (and transexuals). I'm sitting here "watching the plane" as usual. I know it's my job and all, but dang it, just once I'd like to try my hand at saving a few souls.

Oh well, at least Jesus knows I flew everybody over here, so maybe that counts as saving souls by proxy or something. I don't know, I just get a little bored and jealous I guess.

And cold. I'm not allowed to run the heaters while it's just me in the plane, (it's a waste of church funds) and in all the excitement leaving Freehold, I forgot my sleeping bag. These little lap blankets do alright, as long as you use nine or ten of them.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

I just had a couple of Stjerneskud things. They were actually edible, and the beer was a bit heavy. Would have preferred a Bud lite ™



After that, I'm ready for some witnessing. After that I'm heading into the Christiania part of town. That sounds like a safe place to regather my strength and pray.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

I write this with weakness in my body and failing eyesight. Forgetting my age, I approached three of the young lady harlots in order to gather them to Jesus’ Bosom. It appeared that they had a prayer closet in a nearby house and we repaired thence last night local time.

My ministrations were, perforce, exhaustive and protracted. Now morning light has passed through the curtains and, whilst my spirit is still strong, my flesh is weak…

Do not attempt to rescue me… (no, really, don't)

if I do not make it back to Landover, tell my wife that I forgive her for gathering sticks on the Sabbath in 1957.

Now I see that 2 of them have entered the room… I will require all my strength to pr

[Wide-Open]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

Now Landoverites! We must get together. Where are you now. I'm resting my feet after some preaching at, or as near to as I could get, the Bella centre.

I'm currently in the ER of the Hudklinikken Hospital. The goat bit me. Don't ask.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

I left that place in a hurry, let me tell you! That's a figure of speech. I really don't want to talk about it. I am ashamed. When the Lord calls us I know we should answer and witness his word no matter how depraved the situation. I bow my head, because as I was fleeing, I am 100% certain I heard a certain Landover Pastor preaching like I've never heard it preached before.
Pastor, my hat is off to you. I did wilt in the face off the enemy, but you stood tall, erect, and proud while delivering the Lord's word!

I would envy you, but that's a sin. I left my sign in the "internet cafe" so i have made a new one,

"29": Do not prostitute thy daughter, to cause her to be a whore; lest the land fall to whoredom, and the land become full of wickedness.

Leviticus, chapter 19




Now Landoverites! We must get together. Where are you now. I'm resting my feet after some preaching at, or as near to as I could get, the Bella centre.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

What a nightmare. The gypsies got my goat somewhere along the way. I lost some of my luggage while I was sleeping. But, I am here now and ready to insert some of God's love into those harlots.

I'm the one carrying this sign

"8": Neither left she her whoredoms brought from Egypt: for in her youth they lay with her, and they bruised the breasts of her virginity, and poured their whoredom upon her.

Ezekiel, chapter 23


So where are you all at? I'm in an internet cafe, they call them "bøssebar" and I've been preaching to a girl named
kvinde medenpølse.

I'm leaving soon and I'll head off for Ricco's Kaffebar on Istedgade.

[One-eyed Jack]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

Praise Jesus, the prayer warriors of Landover shall triumph. There are no more upstanding Christians anywhere, and I'm sure every man jack of us will remain firm with these harlots. Indeed, if we hold God before us the Spirit shall penetrate even the most jaded and depraved of these fallen women.

Then I shall fall upon these old but disjointed knees and cast my gaze upon Paradise, dewy as with pearls and milky honey, and I shall cry aloud in praise as the Gates open before me! Oh, how sweet shall this taste upon my aged but still-flexible tongue!

Afterwards I'll catch up with you guys at Ricco's Kaffebar on Istedgade, OK? Amen.

~~ OEJ

[Levi Jones]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

Memorize these images, this is what you are up against Pastors:

Stand back! I'll witness to this one!

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

Almost there brothers! I'll be the first one off the plane (I often act as a Spiritual Shield when entering dangerous territory such as those strip clubs in downtown Des Moines) and we'll be ready to RATTLE SATAN's CAGE in Copenhagen!

Brother BJ and his boys in security are with us. The DOF reports a nest of boy prostitutes waiting for my ministrations. I can't wait to wade into that sea of sweaty foreign flesh, Bible in hand, rock hard for Jesus, shouting GLORY TO GOD!!

Glory Pastor. We will be all over any of those she-males the minute the even glance at your behind Pastor. Trust me these she-male-sisterhood of Satan is going down on this one. SATAN; JESUS IS COMING!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

Almost there brothers! I'll be the first one off the plane (I often act as a Spiritual Shield when entering dangerous territory such as those strip clubs in downtown Des Moines) and we'll be ready to RATTLE SATAN's CAGE in Copenhagen!

Brother BJ and his boys in security are with us. The DOF reports a nest of boy prostitutes waiting for my ministrations. I can't wait to wade into that sea of sweaty foreign flesh, Bible in hand, rock hard for Jesus, shouting GLORY TO GOD!!