Evil in my kitchen

[OheMGeSOPHIE]

I need your prayers, I think I am being possessed.

I was in my kitchen the other day, whipping up what was going to be the best apple pie when suddenly... the utmost, sick evil occured then and there

A piece of cage-egg shell broke off and fell into the mixture... it was too late. My industrial mix-master was whirring so fast that the egg was obliterated like a democrat being thrown into the firey turbines of HELL.

I felt possessed, I felt dirty, I started to hear screaming ungodly, evil noises (but then I realised that was Babara Walters from the View so I turned off the TV), I felt nausea and a faint feeling fell over me. I staggered to my chair and looked up at the sky and screamed "WHY ME GOD!" oh, and in anger "THANKS FOR THE SOCIALIZED HEALTHCARE!"

I think I need to be punished... but I have had no experience here so I want it to be perfect. I'd rather not burn down the kitchen because it is not mine... but I need something that fully captures the unspeakable evil that manifested in my kitchen that morning.

Kindly.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: Evil in my kitchen

Eggshell is just extra calcium, which your female body needs to produce milk.

Yes, God is punishing us with socialized dath panels. Yes, we should thank us for it. No doubt you thank God every night for Genesis 3:16, right?

Genesis 3:16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

[Nathan B. Forrest]

Re: Evil in my kitchen

Evil in my kitchen is when the wifey thinks hamburger helper is a real meal.

I then tell her to whip up some good food fit for a servant of the Lord.

[The Widow Anna]

Re: Evil in my kitchen

To be honest with you, I've only once suffered the indignity of being forced to try and fish out a piece of eggshell from the batter of a sponge cake with my pinky finger. I was a girl of fourteen, preparing some dainties for the upcoming church fete. I realised I had run out of flour, so I thought I'd pop next door to the neighbours' house, without permission, to fetch some. I should have known better.

I was trotting back from Ms Winterly's with my cup of flour and right there right in front of my eyes on my very own porch was our beautiful dog, Gertrude, being attacked by Clinton, the local mongrel. He was engaged with her in such a peculiar way that I turned and ran back inside sobbing. My father had to go outside and shoot her right then and there. With the tears clouding my eyes it was difficult to crack the eggs properly, so a little sliver of shame in the form of that eggshell slipped right into my cake batter. I had to throw the whole sinful mess right out.

So, I suppose this leads me to ask...what exactly where you doing prior to this 'evil in your kitchen'? I'd hazard a guess that the evil in the kitchen was in fact you, not any other problem, so if there were to be a burning, razing the kitchen would do little to fix the problem.

[TC Patriot]

Re: Evil in my kitchen

Eggshell is just extra calcium, which your female body needs to produce milk.

Yes, God is punishing us with socialized dath panels. Yes, we should thank us for it. No doubt you thank God every night for Genesis 3:16, right?

Genesis 3:16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

You are so right Brother Jeb! Jesus gave us W and we squandered that gift. We became prideful as we thought that McCain would kick the bucket and Sister Sarah would be our president and look what happened. Just the other day my otherwise perfect Glock 40 jammed. I prayed to Jesus and the jam cleared but it served as a reminder to never give up the fight for Godly free market capitalism and to reload and draw a bead on the Godless Demoncrats as per Sister Sarah's marching orders.

TC Patriot, Humble Servant of Christ