[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Pray for me

I should be gratefull of the things god has given me. Also, the pain of cutting off my arm would be intense, and I want to use it for other things.

Well, you could start by using it to tie off the noose you need to hang yourself with.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Pray for me

Only once?

JESUS probably scorched them off after that. Remember Star-Finder?

[Sister Noddy]

Re: Pray for me

I must confess, I touched my private parts once.

Only once?

[Mr. Jingles]

Re: Pray for me

I must confess, I touched my private parts once. The shame & guilt were more than I could bear; then I found Jesus, the LBC & started voting Republican.
I hear that George W Bush has declared the White House a 'masturbation-free zone.' I always knew he was a Godly man.

[Sven62]

Re: Pray for me

heh heh hehe... he said 'tallywhacker' he heheh

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Pray for me

Its not helping that I am getting porn pop-ups, which just add to the erection... Please, give me some advice

JesOS(tm) has a pretty good pop-up blocker.

[Sister Noddy]

Re: Pray for me

I should be gratefull of the things god has given me. Also, the pain of cutting off my arm would be intense, and I want to use it for other things.

You should be grateful God gave you two arms, Make-fun, one for holding a KJV1611 Bible, and the other for turning the pages ... time to get those clever little fingers out of your pants, and start reading!

[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

Re: Pray for me

This person has admitted to being an atheist on another thread. His pleas for help here are insincere. He doesn't want any help. He is just a troll.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

[Talitha]

Re: Pray for me

Friend, I expect you've seen the signs that say every time you partake in M'ing Jesus kills a Kitten?
Well, let me tell YOU!
I LIKE KITTENS!

We at Landover cherish our Menfolk's Seed.
As you know, every Sperm is Sacred and to "M" as often as you do is nothing short of Genocide.

The Department of Faith have located your address and all we need is the OK and we can start on your immediate Castration. Or was that Circumcision? I always get the two mixed up.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Pray for me

I should be gratefull of the things god has given me. Also, the pain of cutting off my arm would be intense, and I want to use it for other things.

But that still leaves you committing the disgusting sin of seed murder. Countless thousands of souls have been damned to hell at your’ hands! I think it is time you start asking yourself what is worse, the pain of a cut off arm or the pain of an eternity in the Lake of Fire.

If you are just too chicken to do the right thing with your' hand I suggest Sister Talitha’s Circumcision out-clinic. You don’t have to worry about the price since its free and you do your bit to make up for the damage you done by letting Sister Talitha’s students practice on a real patient. Those girls maybe new at this but they make up for what they lack in experience with their enthusiasm so I am sure her students can fix this problem of your's one way or another.

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: Pray for me

I should be gratefull of the things god has given me.

Stop lying. You're using that as an excuse.
Not that you're actually a Christian, as you're only a silly mocker.
..the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD..
Job 1:21

God gave you the bodyparts, and God Himself tells you to cut them off. (Matthew 5:30)
God wants them back since you abuse them. SO WHO ARE YOU TO ARGUE?

Also, the pain of cutting off my arm would be intense, and I want to use it for other things.

Then stop masturbating.
That's the only choices you have here if you want to avoid hell:
Either stop or cut off your hand.

[Makdun24 (Quarantined)]

Re: Pray for me

Why not?
Obviously, you aren't using them for anything important, nor good, anyways.

I should be gratefull of the things god has given me. Also, the pain of cutting off my arm would be intense, and I want to use it for other things.

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: Pray for me

Is cutting off my penis or arm the only solution? I can't do that..

Why not?
Obviously, you aren't using them for anything important, nor good, anyways.

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: Pray for me

I can't control the urge to not masturbate anymore. I feel like I am going crazy, the devil is practically taking off my pants. Its not helping that I am getting porn pop-ups, which just add to the erection. I don't know if I can control it. Please, give me some advice

Could you please specify your race/colour? This information will help me to provide you with correct advice.
Of course if you have a constant need to pull on your tallywhacker, I'm assuming you're nigra?

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Pray for me

Some ideas I give to parents. You can stick your hand in glue, then stick it in a bucket of sand and wait for it to dry. Failing that i have found that a good dose of Dumbass brand hot sauce poured over that area should eliminate that urge.