[Lycia The Repentant]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

If one is eating popcorn privately, I think the disgusting scenario you present is a perfectly logical consequence. You seem suspiciously well-versed on the subject. Did you use popcorn butter for self-gratification when you were once a lowly harlot?

Shameful as it is, yes.

In my unSaved(c) days, there was nothing I enjoyed better than going to the movie theater, buying a large tub of popcorn covered in fake butter, than taking a trip to the bathroom for some sinful, buttery pleasure. Eventually my addiction got so bad that I'd buy the tub, fill it completely with fake butter, and take it home with me, not caring about the looks I received.

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

Brother Hatchet, please forgive me for thinking for myself, but have you ever considered that there might be a link between popcorn-eating and Onanism?

I can easily see how a person's butter-slickened fingers could move from the popcorn bucket further south; no other sinful lubricants necessary.

If one is eating popcorn privately, I think the disgusting scenario you present is a perfectly logical consequence. You seem suspiciously well-versed on the subject. Did you use popcorn butter for self-gratification when you were once a lowly harlot?

[Lycia The Repentant]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

Brother Hatchet, please forgive me for thinking for myself, but have you ever considered that there might be a link between popcorn-eating and Onanism?

I can easily see how a person's butter-slickened fingers could move from the popcorn bucket further south; no other sinful lubricants necessary.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

Mercy me, I hope not! I know almost nothing of my father or his lineage, so I suppose it's technically possible. But I don't have routine urges to sacrifice my children to false forest spirits, and no White person has ever desired to set foot on my property, so all signs point to no.

No I suppose you don't. The bucks never really stick around, do they.


Keep Praying, girl. That's about all you've got.

[miss Pauletta]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

That stuff is injun food. Please don't tell me that you're doubly cursed with savage injun blood mixed with your coon blood.

Mercy me, I hope not! I know almost nothing of my father or his lineage, so I suppose it's technically possible. But I don't have routine urges to sacrifice my children to false forest spirits, and no White person has ever desired to set foot on my property, so all signs point to no.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

What bothers me about popcorn is the way some men eat it.

When they grab big handfulls and force into their mouths, that's fine.

But when they pick up just a few pieces with their index and middle finger, and, the pinky finger is extented, it has a homer look to it and makes me very uncomfortable. I move to the other side of the room.

JJH

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

Popcorn makes it easy for even the smallest-stomached to engage in gluttony. They give the stuff to you in huge tubs, and to chomp it by the handful. Next thing you know you're sucking the grease off your fingers - engaging in oral-digital sex - and a few fall off onto the floor and you're all "five second rule" and eating off the floor like an animal, and then you fall alseep and when you wake up there's bits of popcorn stuck in folds of your belley and lovehandle-fat, and you're all "come on, it never even touched the floor" and then you're eating food that's been fried in your own skin-grease

That's what I've heard from popcorn eaters. Of course I've never touched the stuff.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

I do love me a bowl of popcorn every now and again....

That stuff is injun food. Please don't tell me that you're doubly cursed with savage injun blood mixed with your coon blood.

[ChristKev]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

Many years ago, when I was young and in the clutches of sin (see my introduction thread for my backstory,) my morbidly obese wife engorged herself on KFC, the Chef Boyardee, and popcorn. What a vile creature she was. I thank the LORD everyday for taking her away in that house fire. I've never touch a box of popcorn since and never will. It always reminds me of that horrible time. My snack food is rice cakes! None of the flavored kinds the liberals crank out endlessly. Just good 'ol wholesome rice cakes.

[Cursed]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

I'm okay with popcorn turning savages away from God.

More room in Heaven for us! Yay!

[Alphonse Alban]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

I would be careful unbuckling my belt around anyone who has been eating popcorn.

There is the risk of course, but it is the risk I have to take as a parent. Sometimes loving care-beating with bare hands is just not enough. Sometimes you have to prove your point.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

Praise the Lord that I found these forums. I have been so naive, even blind for many of these things. I never thought like this about popcorn, but it is so clear now. Even the true driving force behind Pee-Wee Hermans movie theater debauchery.

Thank you for opening my eyes sir. I'll unbuckle my belt next time my kids tries to induge in popcorn frenzy!

I would be careful unbuckling my belt around anyone who has been eating popcorn.

[Alphonse Alban]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

Praise the Lord that I found these forums. I have been so naive, even blind for many of these things. I never thought like this about popcorn, but it is so clear now. Even the true driving force behind Pee-Wee Hermans movie theater debauchery.

Thank you for opening my eyes sir. I'll unbuckle my belt next time my kids tries to induge in popcorn frenzy!

[miss Pauletta]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

I do love me a bowl of popcorn every now and again, but I don't fall into the media's trap to lure me towards Satan: I never share my popcorn, I never use butter, and I never consume a gluttonous amount. I lightly adorn my popcorn with pure white table salt only, none of that "butter salt" crap which is just another liberal tool to teach our kids that mixing races is okay. I find a small bowl of dry popcorn, when consumed in accordance with True Christian™ practices and when NOT purchased from the Satanic zombie likes of Orville Redenbacher, makes a great afternoon snack!

I do agree, though, that because most people cannot eat popcorn responsibly, it needs to be taken off the market. The compelling case you have laid out against it here is surely enough to convince the voters to ban it when the proposition appears on a ballot. I'll start stockpiling!

[Nobar King]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

Iowa is part of America's breadbasket, and one of the leading producers of corn. It seems to me that it would be more patriotic to have all of that corn converted to ethanol to help us gain energy independence from the islamofascist oil block than to have it being popped up and buttered in sinful Jewish Hollywood run movie theaters all across the country.

That, or spicy cornbread.