[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Please Pray for CHRONIC MASTURBATORS

hey Bob how did you castrate yourself ?

John, all you have to do is smashing two rocks together, hard, and making sure your balls are between them. Repeat until it stops hurting.

Matthew 19:12 "For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it."

[johnsmith111]

Re: Please Pray for CHRONIC MASTURBATORS

hey Bob how did you castrate yourself ?

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Please Pray for CHRONIC MASTURBATORS

Please do continue to pray for me, brothers and sisters. I've been on a multi-day masturbation binge, or as I like to call it, a "masturbinge," since before Living_Water posted the above prayer request.

I am so ashamed of myself right now, and the more I hate myself for doing this, the more I do it!

I've even been looking at the Lane Bryant catalog.

I just wanted to check back and offer my sincere and heartfelt thanks to everybody who prayed for me! I'm coming up on nine months of complete abstinance, and let me tell you, the amount of energy I have is incredible!!!

[Lalli from Hellsinki]

Re: Please Pray for CHRONIC MASTURBATORS

Wouldn't it be better to sever my manhood? I feel I would be a burden to society if I had no hands, and would be forced to collect welfare.

Also, even without hands, I fear I would be tempted to visit the so-called "glory holes."

Have you heard about these things? Men put their manhoods through holes in wallls, and really attractive women on the other sides of these walls perform unnatural acts upon them.

Brother, are you implying that castration is OK?

Deuteronomy 23:1
He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Please Pray for CHRONIC MASTURBATORS

Wouldn't it be better to sever my manhood? I feel I would be a burden to society if I had no hands, and would be forced to collect welfare.

Also, even without hands, I fear I would be tempted to visit the so-called "glory holes."

Have you heard about these things? Men put their manhoods through holes in wallls, and really attractive women on the other sides of these walls perform unnatural acts upon them.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Please Pray for CHRONIC MASTURBATORS

Please do continue to pray for me, brothers and sisters. I've been on a multi-day masturbation binge, or as I like to call it, a "masturbinge," since before Living_Water posted the above prayer request.

I am so ashamed of myself right now, and the more I hate myself for doing this, the more I do it!

I've even been looking at the Lane Bryant catalog.

Boy this ain't the Cathlik Church. Sorry but Jesus does not accept the I quit then oops I did it again crap. The damn Catliks sin Monday through Friday, show up for confession, tell the Pedophile behind the curtain of their atrocities. Sure the Pedophile tells them they are bad and then has the sinner repeat some form of worship to Mary. On Sunday they come to church eat a death cookie and have a swallow of cheap wine. Come Monday they are right back at it masturbating and searching for whores!

If you cant keep your hands off your tallywacker with out abusing it, CUT OFF YOUR HANDS!

Mark 9:43


And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched:

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Please Pray for CHRONIC MASTURBATORS

Please do continue to pray for me, brothers and sisters. I've been on a multi-day masturbation binge, or as I like to call it, a "masturbinge," since before Living_Water posted the above prayer request.

I am so ashamed of myself right now, and the more I hate myself for doing this, the more I do it!

I've even been looking at the Lane Bryant catalog.

[Jack O'fagan]

Re: Please Pray for CHRONIC MASTURBATORS

All nonsense. It's easy to give up masturbating, you just need strength of character! I gave up yesterday and twice this morning with no problem.

Just get a grip!

YiC

Jack

[Living_Water]

Re: Please Pray for CHRONIC MASTURBATORS

Dear brothers and sisters,

As some of us may have noticed brother Faith_Machine strayed from his path and masturbated after devious woman told him pornographic stories today. This is a sad story indeed.

Let us all pray for him to find his way back to Jesus, and again forget his sinful masturbatory ways. Afterall he's clearly repenting and trying hard. He just needs a little bit of extra help.

I'm praying for him right now.

[Lalli from Hellsinki]

Re: Please Pray for CHRONIC MASTURBATORS

This prayer request open my eyes to see that I have done nothing to prevent my sons to masturbate. Of course I try to teach them to be good Christians, but sometimes Satan will corrupt them even you beat them regularly. My kids are only 5 and 7, so should I start to tie their hands during the night? Or is it too late?

Help them to follow the cutting advice above.

[hakkesei]

Re: Please Pray for CHRONIC MASTURBATORS

This prayer request open my eyes to see that I have done nothing to prevent my sons to masturbate. Of course I try to teach them to be good Christians, but sometimes Satan will corrupt them even you beat them regularly. My kids are only 5 and 7, so should I start to tie their hands during the night? Or is it too late?

Not yet. Pray for them, every night. Let their hands be free. Visible sign of masturbation is good mood and overall calmness. I used my self an Al pro B to convince my self that my child are'nt masturbating - it worked, and I trust them allmost as much as I trust Jesus, the holy father od God.

Yours in pure Faith in Jesus, Hakkesei

[MisterM]

Re: Please Pray for CHRONIC MASTURBATORS

This prayer request open my eyes to see that I have done nothing to prevent my sons to masturbate. Of course I try to teach them to be good Christians, but sometimes Satan will corrupt them even you beat them regularly. My kids are only 5 and 7, so should I start to tie their hands during the night? Or is it too late?

[Lalli from Hellsinki]

Re: Please Pray for CHRONIC MASTURBATORS

Amen!

Replace 1st "stumble" with "look at porn" and 2nd "stumble" with "masturbating" - we know what to do!

"If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell."

Matthew 5:29

Our Lord has granted us infinite wisdom through the Good Book! Unfortunately, most of us are too weak to live out the Word. Let us help out brothers and sisters to get rid of their weakness!

[True Disciple]

Re: Please Pray for CHRONIC MASTURBATORS

Brother Tannor I do agree that just the thought of Julie Andrews will cause the shrinking of any Christians Willy, the aspect of using Nasty Nancy Pelosi's photo is a form of masochism, she is rather sadistic. Myself I have a life size painting of Jesus.

I don't know, Brother. Usually thinking of Jesus fills my heart with fervor for the Lord, but when those despicable urges arise, More fervor isn't really the thing I need.

Nowadays I prefer to open my Bible and read either from Leviticus chapters 1-7 or chapters 1 Chronicles 1-9. Those are guaranteed to make you forget any excitement you might have felt.

I previously tried Song of Solomon, Ezekiel and Revelation, but they didn't work that way.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Please Pray for CHRONIC MASTURBATORS

Dear Friends,

Although this is a problem of which I have been relieved by my conversion to eunuchdom, I fear that many of our brothers and sister remain in thrall to the demon MASTURBATION. Just today, a female member of our congregation confided in me that she intended to spend all afternoon playing her "djuidoo." While I tried to convince her that she should djuidon't, I fear that she may have given in to the many-fingered self-lust that stunts the sexual development of so many Christian youths.

And so, I ask you to join me in the following prayer, and mention those poor afflicted souls for whom you particularly pray:

Dear Lord, who never improperly handled your own blessed genitals, we ask that your great self-control be a shining model unto others, who in treacherous sexual self-dealings have stimulated their orifices and glands with lascivious thoughts and deeds. We pray not only for those who use pornographic materials such as may be found at most Indian-run bodegas, but also for those who misuse lingere catalogs, childern's television shows, and pulsing shower heads. Grant that they who engorge and relieve like so many brute animals be filled instead with your grace, and spooge and cream no more, their hot fluttering fingers, racing pulse, and million spasming muscles being replaced by a mind and body dedicated to mortification and prayer.

Dear Lord, we particularly pray for all the tiny donged-Japaneesie floating down the Yahtzee river.

Yours in Him,
bab

Amen.

From my experience as a security officer here at Freehold having had to deal with some "youthful indiscretions" of various congratulation members I would also like to add the following items to BaB's heartfelt prayer to end masturbation; vacuum cleaners, toilet plungers, plastic models of the locomotive of the 20th Century Limited, brass decorative French style fence posts*, garden hoses and (as unlikely as it sounds) large restaurant style blenders.


* Don't ask when the security detail describes a woman as a "large gal"