My best friend has testicular cancer

[Jedediah]

Friends,

My buddy Earl called me earlier this evening to inform me that the LORD has chosen to test his faith by giving him testicular cancer. Earl agreed when I said he should be thankful for this wonderful opportunity to strengthen his personal relationship with Jesus Christ, and that the LORD never gives us more than we can handle with His help.

However, Earl is seriously considering having his cancerous testicle removed, despite the warnings from Scripture:

Deuteronomy 23:1
He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.

For those who know Earl, please pay him a visit and reinforce the warnings and admonishment I have given him about the perils of putting his faith in secular science rather than in the LORD of Hosts. Please remind him that prayer is sufficient for curing all illnesses if we truly have faith in Jesus, and that if God chooses not to cure his cancer, that it is all part of His Plan.

Mark 16:17-18
And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;
They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.

Perhaps several of us should visit him after services on Sunday to administer a laying-on of hands and exhort Earl not to follow the Godless, secular doctors' advice to mutilate his privy member.

And please, keep Earl and his family in your prayers.

[Little Donkey]

Re: My best friend has testicular cancer

Careful where you lay those hands tho. You don't want to catch cancer, or worse give Satan the chance to tempt one of the weaker members of the congregation into becoming gay. No, it's all just too risky. Better to leave it to prayer and private prayer at that. Using smutty language in public is very embarassing. Why is your "friend" inflicting this on you, I wonder?

[Jedediah]

Re: My best friend has testicular cancer

Careful where you lay those hands tho. You don't want to catch cancer, or worse give Satan the chance to tempt one of the weaker members of the congregation into becoming gay. No, it's all just too risky. Better to leave it to prayer and private prayer at that. Using smutty language in public is very embarassing. Why is your "friend" inflicting this on you, I wonder?

He has cancer, not the Aids. You can't get it by touching him.

Have you read the Bible, son? Mark 16:18 makes it very clear that True Believers heal the sick by the laying on of hands.

[James Hutchins]

Re: My best friend has testicular cancer

I will pray for your friends testicles, Brother Jedediah. Is he sure it is not just testicle demons? They are pretty easy to expell. A good swift kick or single swing of a stout peice of hickory will do it. Rev. Osborne has told me when he gets them from time to time, As long as you catch them early or as a preventative measure, he has them exercised out.

[María Gálvez-Villalobos]

Re: My best friend has testicular cancer



Isn't he going get some treatment like radioteraia or quimioterapia?
I think he should be a good idea too, no?

YIC, Mari

[Shela Tansper]

Re: My best friend has testicular cancer

Easy cure is using 2 housebricks but whoever is doing it make sure they keep their thumbs out of the way as the pain can be unbearable if they are caught between the bricks

[Humongous]

Re: My best friend has testicular cancer

well, i hope your friend gets well soon. and God willing he will!

on a side note, I was just finishing off the brine from a jar of cousin jeb's pickled hog testicles. is it possible to catch the cancer from eatin a tainted testicle? like say one of these poached hogs cousin jeb gelded had the cancer, like could I catch it too?

[Bob4God]

Re: My best friend has testicular cancer

This is a tricky situation, and one that does not need the input of dizzy females. Begone to your kitchens, women!

Now that it's only men here, let's have an honest, Christian discussion about this.

Deuteronomy 23:1 is definitely something to consider. JESUS is very particular about who He lets into His house, and He never made any exceptions for those who lost manly bits to cancer.

However, JESUS does advise us in Matthew 19:12 that if you've become a eunuch to please GOD, then you're okay.

For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it. - Matthew 19:12

Has Earl had any serious problems with lust or masturbation? If so, this may be GOD's way of punishing Earl with a painful and embarrassing disease, while also encouraging him to do something he should've done sooner: Become a eunuch.

But not just a half-eunuch. Even if the cancer affects only one testicle, he should order his doctor to remove them both. If he has a good Christian doctor, this should not be an issue, regardless of health.

[New Creation (Recalcitrant)]

Re: My best friend has testicular cancer

You bring up some good points Bob. There are several correct decisions that could be made in this case. I'm going to pray that Earl prayerfully makes the right decision.

[DDM1985]

Re: My best friend has testicular cancer

Friends,

My buddy Earl called me earlier this evening to inform me that the LORD has chosen to test his faith by giving him testicular cancer. Earl agreed when I said he should be thankful for this wonderful opportunity to strengthen his personal relationship with Jesus Christ, and that the LORD never gives us more than we can handle with His help.

However, Earl is seriously considering having his cancerous testicle removed, despite the warnings from Scripture:

Deuteronomy 23:1
He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.

For those who know Earl, please pay him a visit and reinforce the warnings and admonishment I have given him about the perils of putting his faith in secular science rather than in the LORD of Hosts. Please remind him that prayer is sufficient for curing all illnesses if we truly have faith in Jesus, and that if God chooses not to cure his cancer, that it is all part of His Plan.

Mark 16:17-18
And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;
They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.

Perhaps several of us should visit him after services on Sunday to administer a laying-on of hands and exhort Earl not to follow the Godless, secular doctors' advice to mutilate his privy member.

And please, keep Earl and his family in your prayers.

I'll pray for him. Maybe, the cancer will he taken away, and his stones will be twice as healthy; just like the way God blessed Job with twice everything he lost...

[María Gálvez-Villalobos]

Re: My best friend has testicular cancer

I'll pray for him. Maybe, the cancer will he taken away, and his stones will be twice as healthy; just like the way God blessed Job with twice everything he lost...

Why you call them 'stones' ?
You are refer to his 'eggs', yes?

[DDM1985]

Re: My best friend has testicular cancer

Why you call them 'stones' ?
You are refer to his 'eggs', yes?

The KJV refers to them as "stones".

Technically, "eggs" are usually made in females, so I don't think it really fits that well... like the way a hen lays eggs, while a rooster doesn't. See the difference? But, I suppose some people could call them that, considering the shape of an egg...

[María Gálvez-Villalobos]

Re: My best friend has testicular cancer

The KJV refers to them as "stones".

Technically, "eggs" are usually made in females, so I don't think it really fits that well... like the way a hen lays eggs, while a rooster doesn't. See the difference? But, I suppose some people could call them that, considering the shape of an egg...

OK. Is just that in spanish we call them 'eggs' I suppose cos thay feel the same. * Not hard like stones* exactly.** But OK, I wasn't sure, thank you for the explains.


YIC, Mari.

(*My uncle wgo is a urologist sayed me this!**)

[StephenGould]

Re: My best friend has testicular cancer

Sad news brother,

I think you might comfort your friend were you to suggest that his children might have grown up to be murderers or rapists. Everything follows His plan for us and perhaps God sought to nip something terrible in the bud.

God is, if nothing else, truly ingenious.

YIC

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: My best friend has testicular cancer

OK. Is just that in spanish we call them 'eggs' I suppose cos thay feel the same. * Not hard like stones* exactly.** But OK, I wasn't sure, thank you for the explains.


YIC, Mari.

(*My uncle wgo is a urologist sayed me this!**)

Maria, why do you NEVER listen? Brother Fore asked that ALL ladies (and with you, I use that term loosely) leave this thread and let the men figure this out. First, you shouldn't even be THINKING about about the stones of any man, let alone those of a married Christian!

Second, (and again this goes double for you) women are of little help in discussing spiritual matters of any kind, unless it involves sewing, cooking, or in your case, whoredoms. But in cases that involve stones or tallywhackers, women are more than useless, that actually make it harder to get anything solved. We men feel we cannot completely express ourselves when discussing male naughty bits if there is even a CHANCE that a woman might read it!

So please Maria, do us all a favor and keep your greasy nose out of this thread. This goes for all of the Ladies of Landover, except for the greasy part of course.