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  • #1

    IT IS TIME TO PRAY! Satan has Been Gaining Strength!

    After checking with our sources at Fox News and Landover affiliate Fox news anchors, I have verified that the following story is true...

    http://www.blippitt.com/33-foot-dead-whale-found-in-english-field-video/


    A 33-ft long SEI whale was found more than 800 feet from the beach in England in a grassy field. The "experts" say this was caused by "arctic water currents", causing whales to be beached. But of course, this is a satanic lie. This sort of thing does not happen on Jesus' earth.

    True Christians™ know the true cause of this--demons. Jesus casted out devils from men made so strong from the forces of wickedness that they could break fetters in pieces. (Mark 5:1-15)

    This hell-energized creature was so empowered by the forces of darkness that it no longer needed its natural element. It made it all the way up on land before finally dying!

    Folks, this is a terrible sign. It means we're not praying hard enough. it means we're not trying hard enough. Somewhere along the way, we got slack and the Lord is giving us indications like these by letting the forces of satan dominate us.

    In what ways have we sinned? Maybe we've started letting our women give lip to their husbands. Maybe we've been slack on beating our children with extension cords until those cords turn bright red with blood running down the legs. Maybe we've been a little less diligent than we should be in hunting down and stoning witches and women who leave no bloody sheets after conjugation on the wedding night (Exodus 22:18; Deut. 22:13-21).

    I don't know where we've lost our way, but something is wrong! It's time to take a long, hard look inward and do some soul-searching. Somehow, we've let Jesus down.

    Let us pray, brethren, that we find in what ways we have offended Jesus and get back on the good side of He who calms the winds and seas.

    A tearful and very concerned,

    Pastor Ed

    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: IT IS TIME TO PRAY! Satan has Been Gaining Strength!

    This could well be true, Pastor, and, if so, we should all be deeply concerned.

    I contacted one of my operatives in that area and asked him to investigate this highly unusual occurance.

    His report to me:
    "Judge, I went to the field and examined the carcass. In the area around the anus, I saw a number of indentations.

    I have concluded this whale beached itself out of fear of further attacks by a rogue homosexual male whale attempting to (crude, graphic language deleted - but the description indicated an attempted anal sex act) do something naughty.

    I mean, Your Honor, have you ever seen of those things? I enclose a photo of me alongside a preserved whale who-who."





    Therefore, Pastor, considering this possibility, the next time you venture off-shore, you might want to keep your dinghy's rear facing the beach.

    The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court

    "Credo elvem etiam vivere"

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: IT IS TIME TO PRAY! Satan has Been Gaining Strength!

      And just when I thought I might have a better day today I see this. A demon-energized, homer whale out there looking to pulverize the seats of other male whales--same terrible situation, just a different variable.

      After hours of prayer last night, I'm not going anywhere near England or there beaches (not that I can say I would anyway), but this is a sign of the times. Demon-possessed men are terrible, but whales, oh Jesus help us!

      I'd imagine any sort of oceanic sodomy or rimming or same-sex activity puts the elite of God in that area with some serious responsibility. I hope they have a number of very good harpoons.

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: IT IS TIME TO PRAY! Satan has Been Gaining Strength!

        Brother Nathanael told me they drink whale semen in England. They put it in their beer (Heyniken) and people drink it for breakfast, lunch and dinner (and in between). Absolutely sickening!

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: IT IS TIME TO PRAY! Satan has Been Gaining Strength!

          When I see things like this I am reminded of the Lord's promise in Malachi! GLORY!

          Malachi
          4:1 For, behold, the day cometh, that shall burn as an oven; and all the proud, yea, and all that do wickedly, shall be stubble: and the day that cometh shall burn them up, saith the LORD of hosts, that it shall leave them neither root nor branch.
          4:2 But unto you that fear my name shall the Sun of righteousness arise with healing in his wings; and ye shall go forth, and grow up as calves of the stall. 4:3 And ye shall tread down the wicked; for they shall be ashes under the soles of your feet in the day that I shall do this, saith the LORD of hosts.

          And again in Romans.

          Romans
          16:20 And the God of peace shall bruise Satan under your feet shortly. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. Amen.

          Truly, God is not a man that he should lie, his word will do that which he sent it out to do. Praise!

          Isaiah
          55:11 So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.

          Dear Lord Jesus, we pray, according to Your Word that you will do that which you promised, amen.
          sigpic

          Psalm 50:22 Now consider this, ye that forget God, lest I tear you in pieces, and there be none to deliver.
          Deuteronomy32:35 To me belongeth vengeance and recompence; their foot shall slide in due time: for the day of their calamity is at hand, and the things that shall come upon them make haste.
          Jerimiah 13:14 And I will dash them one against another, even the fathers and the sons together, saith the LORD: I will not pity, nor spare, nor have mercy, but destroy them.
          Numbers 32:23 But if ye will not do so, behold, ye have sinned against the LORD: and be sure your sin will find you out.
          Leviticus24:14 Bring forth him that hath cursed without the camp; and let all that heard him lay their hands upon his head, and let all the congregation stone him.
          Ephesians5:5 For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.5:6 Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience. 5:7 Be not ye therefore partakers with them.

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: IT IS TIME TO PRAY! Satan has Been Gaining Strength!

            Originally posted by Pastor Ed Lowman View Post
            And just when I thought I might have a better day today I see this. A demon-energized, homer whale out there looking to pulverize the seats of other male whales--same terrible situation, just a different variable.

            After hours of prayer last night, I'm not going anywhere near England or there beaches (not that I can say I would anyway), but this is a sign of the times. Demon-possessed men are terrible, but whales, oh Jesus help us!

            I'd imagine any sort of oceanic sodomy or rimming or same-sex activity puts the elite of God in that area with some serious responsibility. I hope they have a number of very good harpoons.
            I have been inspired to read more scripture of late, due to the disturbing information provided in this thread. God brought my attention to some versus I wish to share:

            Genesis 1:27, Genesis 1:28

            (27)So god created man in his owne Image, in the Image of God created hee him; male and female created hee them.
            (28)And god blessed them, and God said vnto them, Be fruitfull, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it, and haue domination ouer the fish of the sea, and ouer the foule of the aire, and ouer euery liuing thing that mouueth vpon the earth.

            Gods' words are clear to me. We should be putting on the armor of God and bringing the battle to the demonic. The homosexual whales are perverted creatures influenced by Satan himself. I strongly believe it is Gods will that we rid the world of these evil abominations.

            It brings a tear to my eye that organizations such as: http://www.seashepherd.org/ (Sea Shepherd Conservation Society) are persecuting those who seek to do Gods work. God hates the SSCS (as evident from the scripture above). We should do everything in our earthly power to bring down societies such as this which are PRO demon. England or not -- these creatures are a threat against the Christian People.
            Yours in Christ,
            Bob (in compliance with Matthew 23:9)

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: IT IS TIME TO PRAY! Satan has Been Gaining Strength!

              Originally posted by father bob View Post
              I have been inspired to read more scripture of late, due to the disturbing information provided in this thread. God brought my attention to some versus I wish to share:

              Genesis 1:27, Genesis 1:28

              (27)So god created man in his owne Image, in the Image of God created hee him; male and female created hee them.
              (28)And god blessed them, and God said vnto them, Be fruitfull, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it, and haue domination ouer the fish of the sea, and ouer the foule of the aire, and ouer euery liuing thing that mouueth vpon the earth.

              Gods' words are clear to me. We should be putting on the armor of God and bringing the battle to the demonic. The homosexual whales are perverted creatures influenced by Satan himself. I strongly believe it is Gods will that we rid the world of these evil abominations.

              It brings a tear to my eye that organizations such as: http://www.seashepherd.org/ (Sea Shepherd Conservation Society) are persecuting those who seek to do Gods work. God hates the SSCS (as evident from the scripture above). We should do everything in our earthly power to bring down societies such as this which are PRO demon. England or not -- these creatures are a threat against the Christian People.

              tl/dr

              Do you have some Cliff's Notes for this drivel?
              The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court

              "Credo elvem etiam vivere"

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: IT IS TIME TO PRAY! Satan has Been Gaining Strength!

                Originally posted by HTannor View Post
                tl/dr

                Do you have some Cliff's Notes for this drivel?
                God has shown me his everlasting light and commanded me to encourage hunting of whales. He put all creatures on this earth for us to hunt and dominate. We should use this god-given right for the purpose of purifying our oceans of homosexual, demon-possessed whales.
                Yours in Christ,
                Bob (in compliance with Matthew 23:9)

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: IT IS TIME TO PRAY! Satan has Been Gaining Strength!

                  I think I might pray for you this time guys!

                  Oh Satan, please bless the people of Landover with eternal love and happiness, and please prevent whales from walking on earth again. I thank you for your obviously holy power and influence on the world. I now offer you this goat. Enjoy it!
                  Amen.

                  amiright?

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: IT IS TIME TO PRAY! Satan has Been Gaining Strength!

                    Originally posted by Kotadiatu View Post
                    I think I might pray for you this time guys!...
                    In your obvious attempt to make mockery of the serious concerns of the Godly people of Landover; may I say a prayer for you...

                    Dear Baby Jesus;

                    Please place this Godless sinner over the blowhole of a homer whale as it climaxes its filthy sinner spooge over the lifeless body of a mo-mo sailor clinging on to the demon's ten foot weiner.

                    Comment

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