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  • Yea-tho-we-walk
    Forum Member
    Forum Member
    • Nov 2010
    • 390
    #1

    Prayers needed for our lost pastor!

    Would you all please say a few words to Jesus next time you pray, for our missing pastor? He has been missing for almost three weeks now and was last seen heading to Florida to buy a couple of jet-skis. Our congregation is afraid that he may have been tempted by Satan yet one more time again and was victim to the father of all lies. You see, the red hoofed beastmaster himself tests our pastor frequently with hookers, prescription meds, alcohol, rubber marital aids and little boys. And like all men of flesh, our pastor strays from grace occasionally.
    Ever since the "indident" at our sunday school, our beloved pastor has a restraing order to stay at least two hudred yards from young boys and public restrooms. But in his defense, adolesent girls have never been successful in proving any one of their cases in a court of law. Praise Jesus!
    Tags: None
    • Dr Laurence Niles
      Psychotheological Analyst Therapist
       
      • Jan 2012
      • 9063
      #2
      Re: Prayers needed for our lost pastor!

      It seems as if Satan is up to his old tricks, again.

      Myself and my dull wife have just returned from the local disused quarry (it took quite some time to get home as she is now limping) but I will go straight to my prayer closet and read Matthew 4:10
      "Then saith Jesus unto him, Get thee hence, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve."

      Surely, the power of prayer will prevent precipitous pastor persecution.

      Praise Jesus!
      Posted via Mobile Device
      1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

      Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

      Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

        Comment

        • Faith_Machine
          Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
          True Christian™
          • Mar 2011
          • 10050
          #3
          Re: Prayers needed for our lost pastor!

          What's your pastor's name? Being formerly Jewish, I have a lot of relatives in Florida. I could ask them to keep an eye out for him.
          WARNING:
          In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
          REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

            Comment

            • Dr Laurence Niles
              Psychotheological Analyst Therapist
               
              • Jan 2012
              • 9063
              #4
              Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
              What's your pastor's name? Being formerly Jewish, I have a lot of relatives in Florida. I could ask them to keep an eye out for him.
              I bet they charge you 'through the nose', for their services.



              Jesus' hand rest upon me.
              Posted via Mobile Device
              1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

              Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

              Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

                Comment

                • Faith_Machine
                  Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                  True Christian™
                  • Mar 2011
                  • 10050
                  #5
                  Re: Prayers needed for our lost pastor!

                  If he's really unlucky, and if he has a decent income, they'll probably try to get him to marry one of their daughters.
                  WARNING:
                  In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                  REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                    Comment

                    • Dr Laurence Niles
                      Psychotheological Analyst Therapist
                       
                      • Jan 2012
                      • 9063
                      #6
                      Re: Prayers needed for our lost pastor!

                      I've been sick in my mouth.
                      Posted via Mobile Device
                      1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

                      Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

                      Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

                        Comment

                        • Faith_Machine
                          Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                          True Christian™
                          • Mar 2011
                          • 10050
                          #7
                          Re: Prayers needed for our lost pastor!

                          It's an especially dangerous situation if a pastor happens to hold a doctorate of divinity degree from a Bible college. Those Jewish mothers see the letters "Dr." in front of a man's name and they'll do anything to get him to marry one of their daughters.
                          WARNING:
                          In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                          REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                            Comment

                            • RighteousYouth22
                              Unsaved trash
                              Under Investigation
                              • Feb 2012
                              • 12
                              #8
                              Re: Prayers needed for our lost pastor!

                              I will have him in my prayers, only our Father knows where he stands.
                              Praise our Heavenly Father

                                Comment

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