[Dr. Santiago Solo]

Re: Pray for Brother Buford - lost in Panama!

I hear you Brother Santiago (hmmm, not a Hispanorican name, I hope)

Sadly it is, Brother, I thought about changing it in my Baptism, but I kept it to remind me not to fall in those dirty Catlicks behaviours again...,

and the fact that you are a doctor lends even more credibility to your excellent common sense suggestion.

And a LBU Doctor, nonetheless!

However, after nearly a week of starvation, I realized that I needed to eat something to keep up my strength. Fortunately, here in the capital - Bananama City - they do have a few branches of McDonald´s. Needless to say, this is the only place where I dare buy a meal. I just thank the Lord that safe, wholesome, hormone-enriched food imported from the USA is available.

Beware the homer agenda of Mc Donald's though, but I guess is far better than anything you could get in such ungodly place...

And I wouldn´t think of touching the water! Fortunately, they do have Coca-Cola - it´s the only safe thing to drink. Indeed, I use it for everything, including brushing my teeth, bathing, and washing my clothes.

Well, Coca Cola has so diverse uses, good for you!

My great fear though comes from the fact that I was here in Panama for 3 days before I realized it was a foreign country. Prior to that revelation, I thought that this was Panama City, Florida. Therefore, during those 3 days, I bought and actually ate some of the local food products including bananas. I mistakenly thought that they were 100% American-grown bananas, but now I realize they weren´t because they didn´t have the Chiquita label attached.

Oh, Chiquita, such a Godly company indeed...

So it´s too late now, I may have been poisoned with AIDS or Montezuma´s revenge, or some other Third World illness that will cause my tallywacker to swell up to the size of a tamale and explode.

I do hope you have kept your hands off the women, they are the main transmitting device of deceases there!

I´m not really sure what to do, but I´m hoping that if I keep drinking blessed Coca-Cola, I can flush out the poison. It´s worth a try anyway.

YIC,
Buford

It should cleanse you alright .

[Dr. Santiago Solo]

Re: Pray for Brother Buford - lost in Panama!

Brother Solo,

I have a few troubling geoligical Q's that I need answering (regarding the "flood"). But I would like it in person.

Can you come over ...say 10:30 tonight? Zeke will be gone and Tater should be asleep.....


Let me know, I'll keep a light on for ya.

Oh, it's time to speak about <ehem> "the flood" again, Sister? I will certainly be there, and I'll bring the champagne, candles, strawberries and whipped cream you enjoy so much, I do hope you have some ice cubes ready, you know, for modelling and explanation, oh, and honey of course, for viscosity testings . Oh, and in a totally unrelated issue, you do know where Pastor Zeke keeps his disciplinary objects collection, right? I am sure he won't mind me admiring it!

[JennyD]

Re: Pray for Brother Buford - lost in Panama!

Oh, it's time to speak about <ehem> "the flood" again, Sister?

Doctor Solo, Sister BTB was telling me just the other day what wonderful lectures you give.

Next time I'm in Freehold, checking in on The Monthly Visitor and making sure work is progressing on schedule, would you be so kind as to educate me further on the parting of the Red Sea? Sister BTB says you shared with her a most edifying discussion of this subject!

[Don the Baptist]

Re: Pray for Brother Buford - lost in Panama!

Brother Hank Jr once had a similar problem:

"I'm stuck here in Honduras
I'm a desperate Man
Send Lawyers, Guns and Money
The %&#@ has hit the fan!

Help!"

, Praise Jesus for all of this Godly help that springeth forth. God truly works in mysterious ways and I am sure Brother Buford will be stronger for his trials.

[Dr. Santiago Solo]

Re: Pray for Brother Buford - lost in Panama!

Doctor Solo, Sister BTB was telling me just the other day what wonderful lectures you give.

Next time I'm in Freehold, checking in on The Monthly Visitor and making sure work is progressing on schedule, would you be so kind as to educate me further on the parting of the Red Sea? Sister BTB says you shared with her a most edifying discussion of this subject!

Oh, my dear Sister, nothing would give me more pleasure than explaining to you all about parting... how Moses took his powerful hand, and guiding it firmly, separated the trembling sea in two trembling mountains, and got his People in, fast and swiftly, until all of it was between the two humid walls! Tonight I'll be busy with dear sister BTB, but when you are in Freehold, we'll have plenty of time for these discussions

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Pray for Brother Buford - lost in Panama!

Oh, my dear Sister, nothing would give me more pleasure than explaining to you all about parting... how Moses took his powerful hand, and guiding it firmly, separated the trembling sea in two trembling mountains, and got his People in, fast and swiftly, until all of it was between the two humid walls! Tonight I'll be busy with dear sister BTB, but when you are in Freehold, we'll have plenty of time for these discussions

That´s really generous of you, Brother Santiago, to take time off from your busy medical practice to educate a sister in need.

It brings tears to my eyes when I see how selfless are the members of LBC.

YIC,
Brother Buford, marooned in Bananaland

[Dr. Santiago Solo]

Re: Pray for Brother Buford - lost in Panama!

That´s really generous of you, Brother Santiago, to take time off from your busy medical practice to educate a sister in need.

It brings tears to my eyes when I see how selfless are the members of LBC.

YIC,
Brother Buford, marooned in Bananaland

Oh, dear Brother, I am a doctor, yes, but in Flood Geology and Biblical Science (you know they don't give those titles just because! You have to work hard!) But yes, I am willing to take some of my valuable time away from the academy, to spend it with my dear Sisters, in loving discussion of the mysteries of the Lord... Have you had a chance to use the words I sent you? Have they work properly? Are Big Macs there as good as the American ones? Are you still chaste?

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Pray for Brother Buford - lost in Panama!

And work hard he does PRAISE JESUS!

Bless his hard working heart!

LORD-A MERCY!

See you tomorrow Bother Doctor!

[Dr. Santiago Solo]

Re: Pray for Brother Buford - lost in Panama!

And work hard he does PRAISE JESUS!

Bless his hard working heart!

LORD-A MERCY!

See you tomorrow Bother!

Oh, I am looking forward to it, dear Sister, why, I'm sure we will study about the Flood harder than ever this time, until I have you shouting Glory to the Lord and asking Jesus to come to you right now and give you all of his Precious Love deep within you... The whole idea already has me hot and trembling, full of the Holy Spirit, ready to give it all to you...

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Pray for Brother Buford - lost in Panama!

Ohhhhhhh, Yes! yes! yes! bring it now! I'm ready and trembling to testify.

Don't tarry Brother I'm in a state of pert near GLORY that just needs your touch to take it to completion. Thank you LORD. I'm HEALED!


Breathless, Sister T.

[Dr. Santiago Solo]

Re: Pray for Brother Buford - lost in Panama!

Yes! yes! yes! bring it now! I'm ready and trembling to testify.

Don't tarry Brother I'm in a state of pert near GLORY that just needs your touch to take it to completion. Thank you LORD. I'm HEALED!


Breathless, Sister T.

I'll be there in an hour.

[Dr. Otto Bond Sr.]

Re: Pray for Brother Buford - lost in Panama!

Don't drink the water.

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Pray for Brother Buford - lost in Panama!

Oh, I am looking forward to it, dear Sister, why, I'm sure we will study about the Flood harder than ever this time, until I have you shouting Glory to the Lord and asking Jesus to come to you right now and give you all of his Precious Love deep within you... The whole idea already has me hot and trembling, full of the Holy Spirit, ready to give it all to you...

A cold shower will help that.

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Pray for Brother Buford - lost in Panama!

Oh, dear Brother, I am a doctor, yes, but in Flood Geology and Biblical Science (you know they don't give those titles just because! You have to work hard!) But yes, I am willing to take some of my valuable time away from the academy, to spend it with my dear Sisters, in loving discussion of the mysteries of the Lord... Have you had a chance to use the words I sent you? Have they work properly? Are Big Macs there as good as the American ones? Are you still chaste?

Dear Dr Santiago,

Whenever I get out of this God-forsaken banana republic, I´ll schedule an appointment. I´m impressed by your credentials in Flood Geology - I´ve been having a problem with my prostate for a couple of years now.

Also, thanks for letting me know about all the fine work Chiquita Bananas is doing supporting right-wing death squads in Columbia. It´s great to know that some American companies are willing to fight the terrorists over there, so that we don´t have to fight them in God´s chosen country, the USA.

Of course I am remaining chaste! I wouldn´t touch Panamian harlot with a 10-foot pole, even if the pole was wearing a condom. I understand that they have a form of AIDS here so contagious that you can catch it by just talking to a Panamanian by telephone.

To answer your other question, the Big Macs taste the same here, surely they are imported from the USA, was there ever any doubt? You wouldn´t be suggesting that they use any local cows or vegetables to produce burgers, are you? Or that the Coca-Cola is bottled any place other than the good old USA? Why, if they produced any of that stuff here, it would be...FRAUD! A violation of America´s intellectual property laws! A crime against humanity. Please tell me it ain´t so!

The horror, the horror!

Buford,
lost in the Devil´s lair

[Dr. Santiago Solo]

Re: Pray for Brother Buford - lost in Panama!

Dear Dr Santiago,

Whenever I get out of this God-forsaken banana republic, I´ll schedule an appointment. I´m impressed by your credentials in Flood Geology - I´ve been having a problem with my prostate for a couple of years now.

I'm sorry to hear that, I will pray for you, and direct you to an appropriate especialist about that, for I haven't made a prostate examination in ages...

Also, thanks for letting me know about all the fine work Chiquita Bananas is doing supporting right-wing death squads in Columbia. It´s great to know that some American companies are willing to fight the terrorists over there, so that we don´t have to fight them in God´s chosen country, the USA.

Amen, Brother! Why, using terrorism to fight terrorism is indeed God's way, I'm sure, and who really cares about Culombians killing each other anyway? That is just worth maybe a bit of a mention in the Presidential candidates 20-second interviews, or something (and you know what they say, the only good beaner is a...)

Of course I am remaining chaste! I wouldn´t touch Panamian harlot with a 10-foot pole, even if the pole was wearing a condom. I understand that they have a form of AIDS here so contagious that you can catch it by just talking to a Panamanian by telephone.

Avoid all public telephones, of course, and needless to say, public toilets.

To answer your other question, the Big Macs taste the same here, surely they are imported from the USA, was there ever any doubt? You wouldn´t be suggesting that they use any local cows or vegetables to produce burgers, are you?

Does McDonald's actually use cows? Nothing says "America" like the aftertaste of a Big Mac shipped all the way from good ol' USA, I can tell you that, Glory!

Or that the Coca-Cola is bottled any place other than the good old USA? Why, if they produced any of that stuff here, it would be...FRAUD! A violation of America´s intellectual property laws! A crime against humanity. Please tell me it ain´t so!

The horror, the horror!

Buford,
lost in the Devil´s lair

Oh, Brother, do you really think the Coca Cola Company could be so greedy as to sell the franchise of the name and just sell the concentrate, and actually let America's favourite drink be made with just any water from any sewer Latin American river or sugar from ungodly jungle sugar cane and not good old Midwest corn syrup? Oh, and don't even think in crossing the border into Culombia, that place is most surely the entrance to Hell itself