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I received this e-mail and was asked to pass it along. Here it is unedited and complete:
(I apologize for some un-Christain words)
1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a
queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and
have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and
doing the Oprah diet...You Nancy-pants bone smoker.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog,
but queer-- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself,
has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be
fed. And just think about how you call a dog.. 'Killer, come here! I
said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a
cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeezus, you're fit to be
framed, you're so queer.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifie rs, or any such
nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks
on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs
feet, or tits. Anything else and you are a Homo in training and
undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world
is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as queer as
a $3 bill. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy
Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man
there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four
different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as
well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory
space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out
chartreuse or you know what a 'fressier' is you're gay. And if you can
name ANY type of
textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying
to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to
honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off The rest of the time
he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or
hold his beer.
8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list
because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are
definitely on the verge on being a fudgepacker.
OH YEAH.............. IF THIS EMAIL OFFENDS YOU........ YOURE A FAG TOO
(I apologize for some un-Christain words)
1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a
queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and
have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and
doing the Oprah diet...You Nancy-pants bone smoker.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog,
but queer-- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself,
has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be
fed. And just think about how you call a dog.. 'Killer, come here! I
said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a
cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeezus, you're fit to be
framed, you're so queer.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifie rs, or any such
nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks
on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs
feet, or tits. Anything else and you are a Homo in training and
undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world
is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as queer as
a $3 bill. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy
Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man
there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four
different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as
well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory
space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out
chartreuse or you know what a 'fressier' is you're gay. And if you can
name ANY type of
textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying
to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to
honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off The rest of the time
he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or
hold his beer.
8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list
because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are
definitely on the verge on being a fudgepacker.
OH YEAH.............. IF THIS EMAIL OFFENDS YOU........ YOURE A FAG TOO
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