[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Look out for Erections! and report them to the police!

That's why I said it was a thankless job! Do you think Brother L likes what he has to do?

No, of course not!

But he is doing the Lord's good work and we should all be on our knees thanking him for his sacrifices! Praise!

[Meek and Humble]

Re: Look out for Erections! and report them to the police!

Here are some laws right here in our home state we can use as a pretense to have undesirables put away.

It is a violation of the law to sell or distribute drugs or narcotics without having first obtained the appropriate Iowa drug tax stamp.

A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.

One-armed piano players must perform for free.

Kisses may last for no more than five minutes.

Tanning bed facilities must warn of the risk of getting a sunburn.

A board was created to regulate among other things, hearing aids.

Ministers must obtain a permit to carry their liquor across state lines.

Doctors who treat a person with gonorrhea must report this to the local board of health and include the disease’s “probable origin”.

All boxes used to pick hops must be exactly 36 inches long.

And in case you need to leave the town limits (God forbid!)

Bettendorf
Liquor stores may not place advertisements for beer outside the store.

Cedar Rapids
It is illegal to read persons palms in the city limits.

Dubuque
Any hotel in the city limits must have a water bucket and a hitching post in front of the building.

Fort Madison
The fire department is required to practice fire fighting for fifteen minutes before attending a fire.

Indianola
The “Ice Cream Man” and his truck are banned.

Marshalltown
Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants.

Mount Vernon
One must obtain written permission from the City Council before throwing bricks into a highway.

No person may pick a flower from a city park.

All softball diamond lights must be turned off by 10:30 PM.

Ottumwa
Within the city limits, a man may not wink at any woman he does not know.

[Brother Lazarus]

Re: Look out for Erections! and report them to the police!

I don't know why you guys are looking out for erections. My eyes would never gaze that low when looking at a man. How would you even know unless you were looking for that?

Brother Palmer

It is my JOB to seek out obscenities that may disrupt the normal discourse of True Christians in the Great State of South Carolina. The job is both exciting necessary and eye popping demanding. Though my authority does not go beyond the borders of my Godly Christian RED State, I stand for all the good WORD spread by Landover Baptist Church. I speak for myself and all agents of SCOOP. We stand firm to assist in any obscenity investigations that may be necessary beyond the borders of South Carolina.

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

[JennyD]

Re: Look out for Erections! and report them to the police!

Brother Palmer

It is my JOB to seek out obscenities that may disrupt the normal discourse of True Christians in the Great State of South Carolina. The job is both exciting necessary and eye popping demanding. Though my authority does not go beyond the borders of my Godly Christian RED State, I stand for all the good WORD spread by Landover Baptist Church. I speak for myself and all agents of SCOOP. We stand firm to assist in any obscenity investigations that may be necessary beyond the borders of South Carolina.

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

Pastors, I hate to post in the Men's Only section, but I felt a need to express my admiration for Brother Lazarus's commitment . . . nay, obsession with the stamping out of illicit erections wherever he may find them!

Kudos to you, Brother!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Look out for Erections! and report them to the police!

Ministers must obtain a permit to carry their liquor across state lines.

I don't have one of those because they infringe on my right to practice Christianity as I see fit.

I just have my 14 year old Indonesian houseboy carry it for me.

[you people are nuts.]

Re: Look out for Erections! and report them to the police!

Omg you are so stupid like allot of weird people on this site. I bet you would get a boner too if you walked down the street and saw some super hot chic bending over or maybe you thought of how your gonna get dirty later with your wife who fuckin cares if some guy has a penis that you can see through his pants your just jealous that its way bigger then yours.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Look out for Erections! and report them to the police!

Omg you are so stupid like allot of weird people on this site. I bet you would get a boner too if you walked down the street and saw some super hot chic bending over or maybe you thought of how your gonna get dirty later with your wife who pifflein cares if some guy has a penis that you can see through his pants your just jealous that its way bigger then yours.

Listen Mr. Nuts,
It is you that is stupid, because you are obviously NOT a True Christian™. Anyone who follows our Lord knows that erections are for one thing and one thing only, making a True Christian™ wife heavy with child.

Walking around on the streets "afflicted" in that way is like slapping the Baby Jesus across His precious little face! Erections should only happen in the marriage bed in total darkness. Nobody should ever have to seen one!

[you people are nuts.]

Re: Look out for Erections! and report them to the police!

Listen Mr. Nuts,
It is you that is stupid, because you are obviously NOT a True Christian™. Anyone who follows our Lord knows that erections are for one thing and one thing only, making a True Christian™ wife heavy with child.

Walking around on the streets "afflicted" in that way is like slapping the Baby Jesus across His precious little face! Erections should only happen in the marriage bed in total darkness. Nobody should ever have to seen one!

The rest of the world seems to think other wise. I go to church ever freaking Tuesday with my gf and if the people at my church heard all this crap they would laugh.

[Nobar King]

Re: Look out for Erections! and report them to the police!

The problem is with people showing off their huge peckers in public. If the pants are too tight and you can see his 'thing', call the cops. He's likely a sexual predator.

[you people are nuts.]

Re: Look out for Erections! and report them to the police!

God gives some guys big enough penises that you can see them through your pants you gonna blame God for that?????? Some guys don't like wearing really baggy pants to hide their big penis.

[Nobar King]

Re: Look out for Erections! and report them to the police!

Then they can go to jail. I'm sure they will make friends easily, with their tight pants, and all.

[you people are nuts.]

Re: Look out for Erections! and report them to the police!

How is that such a bad thing??? People can wear what they wanna wear do what they wanna do. If God didn't want us to do stuff then he would make sure we couldn't

[Nobar King]

Re: Look out for Erections! and report them to the police!

How is that such a bad thing??? People can wear what they wanna wear do what they wanna do. If God didn't want us to do stuff then he would make sure we couldn't

Are you on drugs? You don't get to wear whatever you want to wear. You will be arrested and charged with something dire like trying to pervert a minor. Is that what you want?

[Mollywhop]

Re: Look out for Erections! and report them to the police!

As long as they're not wearing basketball shorts; it's pretty hard to tell.
You think being so against homosexuality as you people are, you wouldn't be so focused on other men's crotches to be offended.
Usually, men don't just stroll around with their tent fully pitched; they get pretty embarrassed.
Not like they're dropping their pants and doing pelvic thrusts in your face.

[you people are nuts.]

Re: Look out for Erections! and report them to the police!

How many people do you see a day get arrested for their clothing???