Marketing Ideas for Jesus

[Pastor Ezekiel]

I happened upon THIS secular news story about talking urinal cakes, brothers, and at that moment Jesus spoke to me.

What about programming those things to shout scripture? Any thoughts?

[Rev. Dr. Davidson]

Re: Marketing Ideas for Jesus

Judging the contents of one of the other threads, this idea may well soon be illegal. Good idea though.

[lilith]

Re: Marketing Ideas for Jesus

The words "urinal cakes" may have frozen my brain for a second there...till I realised what you meant! Need to go & poke out my mind's eye!

[Rev. Dr. Davidson]

Re: Marketing Ideas for Jesus

The words "urinal cakes" may have frozen my brain for a second there...till I realised what you meant! Need to go & poke out my mind's eye!

Lilith..... I had such high hopes for your salvation. Please tell me you weren't thinking biscuits and milk? Even my dog wouldn't eat urinal cakes.

[H. Montague Worthington]

Re: Marketing Ideas for Jesus

urinal cakes

In the Phillipines, urinal cakes are a delicacy. At least that's what they tell me every time I make a trip there to check up on my factories.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Marketing Ideas for Jesus

The words "urinal cakes" may have frozen my brain for a second there...till I realised what you meant! Need to go & poke out my mind's eye!

A 12" knitting needle inserted deep through your left ear, then twisted for a few seconds. should do the trick.

[lilith]

Re: Marketing Ideas for Jesus

A 12" knitting needle inserted deep through your left ear, then twisted for a few seconds. should do the trick.

That's ok Zeke,a cup...of Herbal tea did the trick.
You have to admit "Urinal cake" IS a rather unfortunate name!

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Marketing Ideas for Jesus

I believe the Lord has truly inspired you, Pastor Ezekiel. I think, however, that the urinal cake is a bit restrictive, as it only would apply to men.

Certainly we would all agree that the public bathroom presents an occasion of sin for both men and women. I would take a cue from the automated air fresheners that I have observed deployed in many public facilities. Much like eliminating odors, they could be enhanced to provide messages that would help everyone remain pure and chaste before Jesus. Women could be reminded (with proper quotes from scripture) to avoid the use of tampons, and the application of excessive makeup to avoid becoming a harlot. It would be appropriate in bars to remind them to go straight home (alone) when the leave. Men need to be reminded to keep their eyes straight ahead and that shaking it more than once is considered playing with it. There will also need to be stern warnings that engaging in any form of homer activity is against God's laws. Do your business and leave immediately.

[lilith]

Re: Marketing Ideas for Jesus

"Certainly we would all agree that the public bathroom presents an occasion of sin for both men and women."

An OCCASION of sin? That sounds very Catholic.

Any chance these deodorisers will also remind the MEN to go home alone,then?

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Marketing Ideas for Jesus

Any chance these deodorisers will also remind the MEN to go home alone,then?

Coming from someone who refers to men in the Navy as "sea food", you should know why women must go straight home alone from bars. Even Ogden Hash observed that "candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker".

The men must remain out to perform their duties on the neighborhood watch, on the lookout for pie thieves and menacing virgin whores dressed as Mary Magdalene corrupting our youth.

[lilith]

Re: Marketing Ideas for Jesus

Coming from someone who refers to men in the Navy as "sea food", you should know why women must go straight home alone from bars. Even Ogden Hash observed that "candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker".

The men must remain out to perform their duties on the neighborhood watch, on the lookout for pie thieves and menacing virgin whores dressed as Mary Magdalene corrupting our youth.

Okaaaaaaay...so sticking with that story,then are you?

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Marketing Ideas for Jesus

Okaaaaaaay...so sticking with that story,then are you?

We need some signage to keep some order and respect around here.

[Larry Lee]

Re: Marketing Ideas for Jesus

Brothers! The scripture-spouting urinal cake is a terrific way to market God's Good News. I would just add one additional component to the campaign -- and that would be, of course, the deft use of telemarketing.

Imagine, if you will, that you and Sister Sue Vera have just dinned on Denny's signature Dung Cakes and Non-alcoholic Beer. Before you two wild kids duck out for some mad browsing at the Bible Superstore, you excuse yourself and retreat to the little boy's room. And there you find the urinals are helpfully equipped with keypad-activated shields that sweep from sight, once you enter your home telephone number and waive your right to prosecute direct marketers. Glory. And then you begin to hear scripture...

Later that evening -- and for every evening after that, for the rest of the year, at all hours of the evening and weekends -- an adenoidally voiced telemarketer-in-Christ will call you to alert you to your nearly lapsed subscription to the Church's faith-enhancing, celebration in tithing program. You'll love it and truly come to cherish those calls as a source of value in your life. (Also, I think I know a telemarketing company that would be perfect for the job.)