Not sure about something...

[Emil Sledge]

Im just curious. Lets say just completely hypertheticly speaking that a baby gets conceived before his parents are married cause they sinned but good but they were real sorry for sinning like that and it were all the gals fault and then they get married in a Independent Baptist church by a Baptist pastor before they know they got one in the oven and then later he gets born. Would that hypertheticle baby be a bastard when he gets born and could he still be a soldier for Christ? Im just curious is all. I dont know any body like that I just got to thinking and I knew the men here would know the answer. Just a silly question you know how things just pop in to a guys head once in a while. Already forgot about it furthest thing from my head now all ready.

[Brother Enoch]

Re: Not sure about something...

I might be wrong, Emil, it's been known to happen. But I think as long as you are married at the time of birth, the child is not bastard, regardless of your status at the time of conception.

That's why there were so many 'shotgun weddings' back in my parents day. Hey, they were married in April and I was born in October.

My grandpa and his shotgun saw to it I wasn't born a bastard.

Thanks gramps!

[Rev Jeffrey Lebowski]

Re: Not sure about something...

Brother Emil,
Don't worry ya little head none.
Bastards can be soldiers for Christ .
Our future 2012 President ~ Sister Sarah Palin ~ has one as a grand-kid, and thus that makes bastards perfectly A-OK acceptable here in the USA.

When Sister Sarah takes the 2012 Commander in Chief stick, we will need all the bastards we can git to fight the hundred year Mooslamic Wars she will wage in HIS name, and thus our Christian soldiers will drill-baby-drill for the Lord up to the gates of Armageddon.
PRAISE!

Now, maybe your concerns are more about the little crittter being a simple 'tard.
Well, that is possible.
Depends on the level of sinning while conceiving.

Can a 'tard baby be a soldier for Christ?
You Betcha!
Again, Sister Sarah Palin has one of them too. And she will raise it to be an avenging force to slay liberal vermin. Kinda like an Alaskan Baby-Slingblade Christian Soldier.

See little Buddy, either way , no problemo....

{note to Br. Avatar>>> Shotgun Weddings ???: Likely a Great White North by-product of them frenchie lumberjacks fraternizing with beavers. I don't think it's legal to marry a shotgun here in the USA , must be a Canukie thing. Good idea though, happiness is a warm gun! }

[Emil Sledge]

Re: Not sure about something...

OK, so Lola's been acting a little.....I don't know.....not quite the way she usually does, I guess. She sits on the floor a lot over in the corner of the room and I hear her talking, but there's nobody but me within earshot. She thinks about demons morning, noon, and night. She checks me before I leave and when I get home for demons. She is a hard worker when it comes to trying to make soldiers for Christ's army. I think she thinks we ought to make a whole battalion but we ain't made a one yet. But this morning she was up awful early and I heard her in the bathroom talking, then puking, then taking, then puking some more. She says today that her "unclean" time never came when it was supposed to and, to be honest, I was sort of hoping it would so I could take a breather but now I don't know what might be wrong with her. This whole having a wife thing is all new to me and I didn't know they could be such weird creatures. I want her to see a LBC doctor right away and I know Jesus will guide us to the right one. I went to see the nice doctor Rev. Rodimer hooked me up with the day after me and Lola got married, you know the one who gave me the vasectomy to make sure all my male parts were in good working order for making soldiers for Christ's army. There was one Lola was supposed to see, but we never made it over there and now we can't find his name. I want to make sure she is fine and maybe see if there's something he can give her to make her not want to work so hard at soldier making. That woman's going to wear me out, I swear!

[Rev Jeffrey Lebowski]

Re: Not sure about something...

Brother Emil,

You worry too much, boy!

The only part that a True Christian Baptist man has to play in the birthing process (yuk) is the initial act of seeking pleasure in his wife's feminine goodies.
After that fast & fun deed, roll-over-boy and have yo'self a cigarette.

You been watching that TV Aunt Jemima ~Oprah?
You ain't getting soft and committed to group hugs; and maybe gettin' in touch with your inner child is you???

LQQK >>>> Once your seeds been planted, then its time to focus on things you want.
Like , isn't it huntin' season?
Don't ya need to bag a deer?
And how about some football on the TV, and what about Nascar?

Friend, let the lady-folks worry about all the trivial baby stuff, and get back to manly pursuits with your friends. That's the way the Lord wants it to be.
You done your part in simply trying..... anything goes wrong , well it was something she did.

Rev Jeffrey Lebowski
Sister Verna is in the penance closet

[James Hutchins]

Re: Not sure about something...

Keep in mind Emil, if a woman is raped and she follows Gods commandment to marry the man she lay with, God will let the out of wedlock mishap slide.

I assume in this hypothetical case, it merely a timing issue, so to speak. Marriage was intended all along and the 'bump in the night' was a premature wedding night, right?

[Emil Sledge]

Re: Not sure about something...

Keep in mind Emil, if a woman is raped and she follows Gods commandment to marry the man she lay with, God will let the out of wedlock mishap slide.

I assume in this hypothetical case, it merely a timing issue, so to speak. Marriage was intended all along and the 'bump in the night' was a premature wedding night, right?

Well, yeah, but it was her fault. I mean she came to my motel room with that piece of pie, I dropped some on my pajamas, she tried to clean it up before the stain could set in, and, well.........we ended up raping each other, I guess, only she started it. We knew we were getting married anyway, yes, and we paid for all that sinning, just ask Pastor Zeke!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Not sure about something...

Did somebody say pie?

[Emil Sledge]

Re: Not sure about something...

Did somebody say pie?

Pecan this time, Pastor Zeke? Me and Lola, we take care of our favorite pastor.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Not sure about something...

Pecan this time, Pastor Zeke? Me and Lola, we take care of our favorite pastor.

That'll be fine, Emil. Just have Lola bring it around about 11pm tonight. And don't wait up for her.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Not sure about something...

Well, yeah, but it was her fault. I mean she came to my motel room with that piece of pie, I dropped some on my pajamas, she tried to clean it up before the stain could set in, and, well.........we ended up raping each other, I guess, only she started it. We knew we were getting married anyway, yes, and we paid for all that sinning, just ask Pastor Zeke!

I know it was her fault. It is always the womans fault. If only the empty headed females could hold their raging s*x hormones in check, we would not have all these problems. Goes back to Eve with the Apple. Many women just do not seem to realize when they are like that, they are a different person. Just like that nasty attitude during the 'monthly visitor'. Then when their hormones return to normal, they deny any responsibility. Bottom line, it is the womans fault. Undeniably and indefensibly.

In the Hutchins house, when the missus gets 'that look' in her eye, I toss her in a bathtub of ice water for 30 minutes. If that does not calm her down, a session of switching followed by prayer closet time.

[Emil Sledge]

Re: Not sure about something...

I know it was her fault. It is always the womans fault. If only the empty headed females could hold their raging s*x hormones in check, we would not have all these problems. Goes back to Eve with the Apple. Many women just do not seem to realize when they are like that, they are a different person. Just like that nasty attitude during the 'monthly visitor'. Then when their hormones return to normal, they deny any responsibility. Bottom line, it is the womans fault. Undeniably and indefensibly.

In the Hutchins house, when the missus gets 'that look' in her eye, I toss her in a bathtub of ice water for 30 minutes. If that does not calm her down, a session of switching followed by prayer closet time.

I appreciate your help, Brother James. But the problem of her wanting to work almost constantly on making soldiers for Christ isn't getting any better. I used to threaten her with spanking, but now she wants me to spank her. I swear sometimes I just feel like I can't stop myself from setting to work whenever Lola wants to so I guess it's just Jesus egging us on to do our Godly part in making His army bigger.

There is something troubling me, though, Brother James. I know I can trust you and I will try to say this in such a way as to not offend you or any other of my trusted brothers. You know I haven't had any experience with women until I met Lola. There's this thing she done a couple nights ago and it like to scared me half to death, but I went along with it just to keep the peace, you know. She's been a little testy lately. Anyway, well, I was sitting on the couch watching the Bears game (awful aren't they?) and she came crawling across the floor on all fours and she looked up at me with "that look" again and she says, "We got work to do Mister Sledge" and commences to......oh, how do I say this......she just sort of helped herself to ..........oh, here she comes again, looks like she's got the same thing in mind again.........yeah she just helps herself to my.......can't say no.........she takes it in her mou......her mou......her miuywetVUBIEJKLMNEWKLouihuyie .............................................back. ............................lattertkoi.....raping me..........................help.................. ...9...1....1...............

[Jake Beck]

Re: Not sure about something...

OK, so Lola's been acting a little.....I don't know.....not quite the way she usually does, I guess. She sits on the floor a lot over in the corner of the room and I hear her talking, but there's nobody but me within earshot. She thinks about demons morning, noon, and night. She checks me before I leave and when I get home for demons. She is a hard worker when it comes to trying to make soldiers for Christ's army. I think she thinks we ought to make a whole battalion but we ain't made a one yet. But this morning she was up awful early and I heard her in the bathroom talking, then puking, then taking, then puking some more. She says today that her "unclean" time never came when it was supposed to and, to be honest, I was sort of hoping it would so I could take a breather but now I don't know what might be wrong with her. This whole having a wife thing is all new to me and I didn't know they could be such weird creatures. I want her to see a LBC doctor right away and I know Jesus will guide us to the right one. I went to see the nice doctor Rev. Rodimer hooked me up with the day after me and Lola got married, you know the one who gave me the vasectomy to make sure all my male parts were in good working order for making soldiers for Christ's army. There was one Lola was supposed to see, but we never made it over there and now we can't find his name. I want to make sure she is fine and maybe see if there's something he can give her to make her not want to work so hard at soldier making. That woman's going to wear me out, I swear!

Mr. Slege, I'm young and I know that I'm not the smartest of all men here, however, given by the information that you have stated, your wife may be pregnant. You see, when women don't get their "unclean time" it means that your seed has met with her egg within her and has began to form another soldier for Christ. I might be wrong, so don't hold me to it, but I would suggest a pregnancy test.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Not sure about something...

I appreciate your help, Brother James. But the problem of her wanting to work almost constantly on making soldiers for Christ isn't getting any better. I used to threaten her with spanking, but now she wants me to spank her. I swear sometimes I just feel like I can't stop myself from setting to work whenever Lola wants to so I guess it's just Jesus egging us on to do our Godly part in making His army bigger.

There is something troubling me, though, Brother James. I know I can trust you and I will try to say this in such a way as to not offend you or any other of my trusted brothers. You know I haven't had any experience with women until I met Lola. There's this thing she done a couple nights ago and it like to scared me half to death, but I went along with it just to keep the peace, you know. She's been a little testy lately. Anyway, well, I was sitting on the couch watching the Bears game (awful aren't they?) and she came crawling across the floor on all fours and she looked up at me with "that look" again and she says, "We got work to do Mister Sledge" and commences to......oh, how do I say this......she just sort of helped herself to ..........oh, here she comes again, looks like she's got the same thing in mind again.........yeah she just helps herself to my.......can't say no.........she takes it in her mou......her mou......her miuywetVUBIEJKLMNEWKLouihuyie .............................................back. ............................lattertkoi.....raping me..........................help.................. ...9...1....1...............

Emil, something else you need to keep in mind is you two are newlyweds. The second a Christian woman says "I Do", a hormone explosion occurs. The compulsion to pack her belly chock full of babies is the same as a guy feels watch the Game with a few cases of beer. She has to have buns in the oven as a man must have the beers in the belly.
No offense to Lola, but she is not the sharpest Holy Scribe in the pew. Swallowing does not work the same. You must really 'Do it". I suggest a sheet (or wall) between the two of you with a Glory Hole. Anyways, too many sweet will rot her teeth.
Once she has a full brace of a dozen or so young'uns yanking on her teat, those hormones will begin to subside.