Metrosexuals

[Old Man Hatchet]

I've already delved into the subject of shaving one's genitals; now let us explore a broader threat: metrosexuality. Many men are grooming themselves excessively and wearing fruity, ostentatious clothing, strutting around like peacocks and making complete asses of themselves. It is a fact that metrosexuality is an early stage of homosexuality. It is a transitional period. It is the cocoon from which the homosexual emerges. Gentlemen, if you use any of the following items, you are in grave danger:

1. Tweezers
2. Mousse
3. Shower cap
4. Moisturizer
5. Loofah
6. Conditioner
7. Anything that says "herbal" or "exfoliating"
8. Sunscreen
9. Q-tips
10. Body Wash
11. Lip balm
12. Floss

If I knew what was on this man's face, I'd add it to the list.




You should spend a maximum of 7 minutes getting ready, this includes shaving. NO PRIMPING. And you should not even be eating cucumbers, let alone wearing them on your eyes.



Clothing should be modest. You have four colors from which to choose: black, white, navy blue, and gray. Undershorts should be exacty that--shorts. They should be white and extend to the knee or nearly so. No briefs, and certainly no "banana hammocks."



Many men are "teasing" their hair. I shouldn't even have to point out how gay this is. There are only two genuine types of hairsytles for men: combed straight back or parted to the side. Brilliantine and hairdressing are perfecty acceptable to achieve either end, provided it is done in a timely manner.



Be wary, gentlemen, or this might happen to you:

[Marshall]

Re: Metrosexuals

Wait, so if you're not gay why would you make yourself look gay with cosmetics? Like a woman?

That is beyond the pale.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Metrosexuals

Is this about those sodomites who pose as well-groomed normal men but secretly want to be females, defying God's Divine Plan? I've never understood vermin like that. Possession by demons is the only possible explanation.

"I will punish ... all such as are clothed with strange apparel. -- Zephaniah 1:8

God does not want us to dress in strange garb or keep abnormal habits. I have always found the mens' department at J. C. Penney's more than adequate for my needs. Praise Jesus.

[Marshall]

Re: Metrosexuals

I looked up that term on the Interweb and it was a bunch of gay pornstars and effeminate men with gelled hair and perfumed bottoms. None of the men appeared to be able to drive a tractor or survive in the woods should the Communist Chinese or the Islamists invade. They looked soft and damp palmed. Like girls with tallywackers.

[Seeker]

Re: Metrosexuals

Ryan Seacrest is gay because of his millions,(he is in the top twelve millionare thingy in the US now) not because of some gel on his hair. He kissed girls many of times but chose the wide road. Hope it is worth it too him. That camel eye thing....

[Sister Noddy]

Re: Metrosexuals

Ryan Seacrest is gay because of his millions, (he is in the top twelve millionare thingy in the US now) not because of some gel on his hair. He kissed girls many of times but chose the wide road. Hope it is worth it too him. That camel eye thing ....

Oh you mean this thingy here, in two of the Gospels ...

Mark 10:25
It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.

Luke 18:25
For it is easier for a camel to go through a needle's eye, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.

... But! ... is wealth really Ryan Seacrest's downfall? ... I think it's his hairdo ...

... and that quirky-twisted homer smile of his ...

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Metrosexuals

That is one good looking guy! Are you saying you wouldn't want to look like that? The more fool you!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Metrosexuals

That is one good looking guy! Are you saying you wouldn't want to look like that? The more fool you!

As a True Christian™ Pastor, I can assure you that I look better than that queer you so admire. Jesus gave me rock hard abs and looks that draw women like flies to honey. Only I don't need a bunch of girly perfumed goo in my hair, and I wear my boxers from the Godly JC Penney company, and I do not think that my God-given raw sexuality is the most important thing in my life.

My relationship with Christ is.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Metrosexuals

As a True Christian™ Pastor, I can assure you that I look better than that queer you so admire. Jesus gave me rock hard abs and looks that draw women like flies to honey.

Oh yeah? I don't see pictures of you on any underwear model sites. Your avatar only shows your face, so I have only your word that you resemble that guy with his long hair and his seemingly quite well endowed-ness and muscles and perfect tone etc

Only I don't need a bunch of girly perfumed goo in my hair, and I wear my boxers from the Godly JC Penney company, and I do not think that my God-given raw sexuality is the most important thing in my life.

So then what, you let your hair stay greasy and have a weekly wash with lye soap? Blechhh

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Metrosexuals

Oh yeah? I don't see pictures of you on any underwear model sites. Your avatar only shows your face, so I have only your word that you resemble that guy with his long hair and his seemingly quite well endowed-ness and muscles and perfect tone etc

I cannot begin to tell you how many offers I have had to be a masculine, Manly model for companies such as JC Penney and Ramrod Monthly. I have devoted my life to Jesus, and doing His bidding. I am not some boymeat for you to look at while you sin.


So then what, you let your hair stay greasy and have a weekly wash with lye soap? Blechhh

For your information, every morning and every evening I take a cake of soap and lather it into my hair, rinse it out, then repeat. I am able to maintain my stunning good looks without resorting to any artificial pomades or brilliantines.

I only use lye soap when I have come into contact with filthy females who are experiencing their monthly curse. Which is far too often.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Metrosexuals

I cannot begin to tell you how many offers I have had to be a masculine, Manly model for companies such as JC Penney and Ramrod Monthly. I have devoted my life to Jesus, and doing His bidding. I am not some boymeat for you to look at while you sin.

Again, I have only your word. And don't worry, I don't look at boymeat, I prefer looking at fullgrown manmeat...like that divine specimen whose pic I pointed out in this thread.

For your information, every morning and every evening I take a cake of soap and lather it into my hair, rinse it out, then repeat. I am able to maintain my stunning good looks without resorting to any artificial pomades or brilliantines.

If not lye soap then what? I thought that was a favorite product for you hillbilly er...christian types.
I didn't think that you hillbilly umm...christian types were a fan of daily bathing either.

I only use lye soap when I have come into contact with filthy females who are experiencing their monthly curse. Which is far too often.

How so? The women you 'minister' to while watching them in strip clubs?

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: Metrosexuals

Oh yeah? I don't see pictures of you on any underwear model sites.

I think you are trying to provoke Pastor Zeke into accepting one of the many offers he has received from modeling agencies so you can see him in his skivvies. Shameless hussy.

[SUV]

Re: Metrosexuals

Brother Hatchet and all,

Forgive me for intruding on you Mens' inner sanctum. I just came in to pull that witch Hellsinker out before she winks at you-all.

As long as I am in here, I'd like to add to the list those "Men" who wear those sissified pullover sweaters like neegroe Bill Cosby does.

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: Metrosexuals

Brother Hatchet and all,

Forgive me for intruding on you Mens' inner sanctum. I just came in to pull that witch Hellsinker out before she winks at you-all.

As long as I am in here, I'd like to add to the list those "Men" who wear those sissified pullover sweaters like neegroe Bill Cosby does.

I second the apology and concern about Mz. VanHellthinker . . . And my concern is that Rachael will have us all wearing hemp unisex underwear with button up fronts that encourage the "M" activity!

[Marshall]

Re: Metrosexuals

It's a sorry world. I have heard of this Seacrest fellow and from the looks of him I could beat him stupid in a few seconds. he gives me the impression of a no talent hack who has nothing going for him except his looks. He'd never last in my Compound.