Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence"

[JoshuaJohnson]

Re: Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence"

All I've been told all my life is that the Bible is just plain against lying. I've never ever heard of any lying being instituted to save another, per the example you just gave.

I also spotted another member of this forum's signature area listing various things that are wrong, and buy you a ticket to hell. One of them was ''Liars''. Everything seems pretty black and white to me, Liars are liars and they are damned. But oh wait, what's this? as soon as the lie is in their favour, any given Christian will start explaining some way to bend the rule, because it turns out in their favour.

A lie is a lie.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence"

I think there's a big difference between an outright lie and a simply withholding the full truth.

Contrast:
"Honey does this dress make me look fat?"

• Yes. [Truth]
• Oh my god, you're a blimp. You might want to put a 'Wide Load' sign on your butt when you walk down the street in that thing. [Very honest truth]
• No (The dress itself doesn't make you look fat, because you already are.) [Withholding the full truth, not a lie]

True Christians(tm) don't lie and you should be ashamed to insinuate a good man is a liar.

[JoshuaJohnson]

Re: Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence"

All I've been told all my life is that the Bible is just plain against lying. I've never ever heard of any lying being instituted to save another, per the example you just gave.

I also spotted another member of this forum's signature area listing various things that are wrong, and buy you a ticket to hell. One of them was ''Liars''. Everything seems pretty black and white to me, Liars are liars and they are damned. But oh wait, what's this? as soon as the lie is in their favour, any given Christian will start explaining some way to bend the rule, because it turns out in their favour.

A lie is a lie.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence"

Ok, correct me if I'm wrong, but this sounds an awful lot like deception, lying, however you want to put it.

I'm also quite sure that that sort of thing is frowned upon by God.

So please, proceed to use the Bible as a get out of jail free card and tell me why I'm wrong.

If Hitler came knocking at your door, and you had a bunch of Jews hidden up in the attic, and he asked you if you were harboring any Jews....would it be a sin to lie?

I bet you're the type of person that would turn them in to be used as firewood for the winter, hmm?

[JoshuaJohnson]

Re: Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence"

Brothers in Christ,

Tell them your son is studying Criminal Justice at the community college and wants to be just like them.


Place your Buck knife in her handbag and tell the cops that she pulled a knife on you first. It's your home after all...

In Christ!

Ok, correct me if I'm wrong, but this sounds an awful lot like deception, lying, however you want to put it.

I'm also quite sure that that sort of thing is frowned upon by God.

So please, proceed to use the Bible as a get out of jail free card and tell me why I'm wrong.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence"

If you can afford it, a crack legal team can work wonders. My third wife tried pressing charges on me saying I committed "domestic violence" on her. In my defense, she was being unruly and wanted to watch Dynasty while I was watching Monday Night Football. I did not want her mind to be tainted by that sleazy show, and in my righteous anger smashed a hole in the big screen with a hammer and choked her until she was unconscious. The judge ultimately ruled that she instigated the whole affair and I was simply acting in self defense.

I'm thankful for that judge for viewing the law in an objective, unbiased manner instead of going along with the feminist agenda. I'm also thankful that the judge was a lifelong friend and frequent golfing buddy who has provided me fellowship and help throughout the years.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence"

I keep a door knob bolted to a wall at eye level. A fresh banana peel and it is perfectly plausible. Though my missus is not allowed to use the phone or speak to outsiders so I have never had to use the banana peel, we do test it regulary to ensure it functions as designed.

[barton]

Re: Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence"

I will share a few tips that have kept me out of jail every time my sobbing wife dialed 911:

Thank you! This will all be of great help once I marry!

I do have a few tips of my own to offer. Prior to becoming a Christian (and regaining my virginity), I had many women in my life... many women that needed strong discipline.

In my father's day, police knew nothing of defensive wounding and would easily arrest the woman for scratching a man's arms... wounds sustained because she wouldn't settle down whilst being choked a little bit. These days, however, feminist bull dykes have ruined this and officers tend to arrest the man anyway. So, if your woman won't shut up and you have to strangle her a little, please remember to wear long sleeves... a leather jacket is probably best. If you do it enough, just putting on your Choking Leathers will shut her up half the time!

Also, it pays to have a small razor blade handy. Whenever you've left visible traces on her body... bruises, blood, etc ...it's easy to one-up that by making a few small cuts in your scalp with a razor. These bleed profusely and trump anything she's got going on.

Of course, it's sad we live in such unGodly times. Once we achieve a stable, True Christian™ government, we won't have to worry about all this nonsense. Meanwhile, we'll have to tolerate and work around all this interference into our lives!

[Levi Jones]

Re: Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence"

Amen, Broter Porter. Godly advice.

Let me share with you a couple of tips for disciplining your wife as well.

The phone book. Who the heck uses a phone book these days you might ask. I do. You place the phone book up against her face and then punch it.

It will rattle her brain all to heck, but it won't leave any bruises.

Also, a beating with a rubber garden hose will leave deep tissue bruises that won't show up on the skin's surface.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Brothers in Christ,

As Christian men, we constantly walk a fine line in this secular society between maintaining order with the woman in our Christian home, and incarceration as a result of domestic “violence”. Here in the US, most states have passed inane laws that require the aggressor in a domestic violence “incident” to be arrested and jailed without question.

However, missing in the legal code is the explanation that in the Christian home, the aggressor is also the instigator. We know that discipline in the Christian home is only required when the sassmouth woman instigates it.

In most civil issues, we are commanded to obey secular law as Paul tells us:

Romans 13:1-2 “Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.

Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.”

1 Peter 2:13-14 “Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme;

Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well.”

But let’s take a closer look at Scripture in our defense as men of God:

1 Corinthians 11:3 “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.”

God, Jesus AND Paul are all in agreement that the man has absolute rule over the simple woman. And in Romans 13 above, we see that every soul must be “subject unto the higher powers”. This is as clear as it can be. The lowly woman is subject to the True Christian™ man, we are subject to Christ and Christ is subject to God! Praise Jesus for such a simple plan for order in life!

So can we ever justify physical discipline for the wife? Yes, we can. We serve Jesus Christ and were made in His image. He took action when it was called for and so can we:

Matthew 10:34 “Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword”

Matthew 21:12 “And Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves,”

Luke 19:27 “But those mine enemies, which would not that I should reign over them, bring hither, and slay them before me.”

This doesn’t mean Jesus had a temper. He was simply serving His Father, we must serve Christ, and the woman MUST serve us.

Nevertheless, few police officers will take the time to study His Word and truly understand God’s law. It’s all too easy in this day and age to get handcuffed, read your rights and stuffed in the back of a police car for no reason at all.

I will share a few tips that have kept me out of jail every time my sobbing wife dialed 911:

1.) Make friends with the neighbors. Whatever it takes. In any neighborhood, there are always the nosy busybodies that look for excitement beyond their living rooms. These are the type that will tromp outside to meet the police, even with sponge rollers in their thinning hair. Compliment them often, offer to make a dump run when the debris in their yard is substantial, whatever. You NEED them on your side!

2.) Make friends with the police. I cannot overstate the importance of having connections within the PD, especially with detectives. I try to rise early each day and jog to the donut shop at 5 AM with a D.A.R.E. T-shirt on. I give generously to ALL the local Police Benevolent Leagues. Think up cop jokes that make them laugh, but never insult them. Tell them your son is studying Criminal Justice at the community college and wants to be just like them.

3.)Try to avoid physical discipline for the wife when at all possible. There are so many ways to punish the woman without your fist. And likely more painful in her simple mind. No phone, no bingo games, no access to the bathroom, etc. Here’s a great example: My wife opened her pie hole last night asking how much I lost at the Poker For Christ tournament. I gave her a smile and asked if she wanted the belt across her face or her Internets privileges suspended? I didn’t need the belt…

4.) If it gets physical and she has bruises, or there is any indication of trauma, be smart and think quick before the police and EMTs get there. There are many reasons she could have such symptoms. You bought her a new wash board and wringer and she didn’t know how to use? She thought the new CuisineArt was supposed to be cleaned with the blades spinning? She wanted to see how the pitching machine worked at your son’s Babe Ruth baseball game. You get my point?

5.)Place your Buck knife in her handbag and tell the cops that she pulled a knife on you first. It's your home after all...

In Christ!