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Brothers,
You would think that after many years of marriage, during which I have been a faithful husband and devoted father, that I could count on enjoying one of the holiest days of the year with a little peace and quiet and carnal knowledge of my wife. But no! Here is a brief rundown of my day - the day I call "My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken me?"
I woke up to fresh coffee and a hot breakfast, perfectly prepared - except I had asked for scrambled eggs and was instead given hard-boiled. Well, perhaps in getting the boys ready for bed, Jennifer forgot, I thought to myself. Still, when she descended the stairs, I smacked her soundly and reminded her of my desire for fluffy scrambled eggs. I dragged her into the kitchen and told her to clean my plate and prepare what I had requested. Imagine my surprise when she said, "Fix them yourself. I have to get your sons ready for church." My heart sank. Just then, my 2nd eldest son entered the room. I saw this as a learning opportunity for him and grabbed Jennifer lovingly, placing her over my lap. I swatted her behind 27 times as my son watched. "Son, someday you will know the joys of a wife. I am displaying my love for her through this discipline and also honoring God as head of this household. Do you understand?" My precious boy smiled and asked if he, too, could give his mother a spank. I was so proud, I admit that a tear almost fell - but being a man, I caught it, forcing it back into my tear ducts.
Imagine my pride as he held up his hand and came down with a loud THWAP on Jennifer's rump. He asked if he could do it again but I was hungry. Once again I ordered Jennifer to prepare my breakfast while I enjoyed the morning newspaper. Once she had finished with them, I told her that church was only an hour away and the boys were to be perfectly groomed and dressed in enough time to make it to church without delay. I also told her which dress to wear and gave her a backhand when she tried to insist on one she had already chosen. Yes - you read that correctly - she had made a decision without me.
All was well from that point until we returned home. We took the boys to spend the afternoon with our youth pastor, by the way - so we had the house to ourselves. I told Jennifer that we were going to know one another and to prepare herself for it. She looked at me and said that she was sorry, but she was in no mood to know me. She even suggested that I commit a sin of self-love. I locked her in the prayer closet after I dressed her wounds (as you can imagine, I delivered still more discipline upon hearing her words).
Is it too soon to write a letter of divorcement? Remember, her womb is full and it is another son. I had hoped for at least seven more sons - or still more if the Lord blessed me in that way. We have many years of obedient marriage during which she has been a saint when necessary and a whore when ordered to be. I am a distraught man, and yet I take courage in knowing that the LORD is pleased with me. I ask for your input. I feel she should remain in the prayer closet indefinitely, and yet I must also consider the medical care of my son.
Praise GOD I have the brothers here to come to and also Mrs. Carson down the street to fix my evening meal. I look forward to your advice.
You would think that after many years of marriage, during which I have been a faithful husband and devoted father, that I could count on enjoying one of the holiest days of the year with a little peace and quiet and carnal knowledge of my wife. But no! Here is a brief rundown of my day - the day I call "My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken me?"
I woke up to fresh coffee and a hot breakfast, perfectly prepared - except I had asked for scrambled eggs and was instead given hard-boiled. Well, perhaps in getting the boys ready for bed, Jennifer forgot, I thought to myself. Still, when she descended the stairs, I smacked her soundly and reminded her of my desire for fluffy scrambled eggs. I dragged her into the kitchen and told her to clean my plate and prepare what I had requested. Imagine my surprise when she said, "Fix them yourself. I have to get your sons ready for church." My heart sank. Just then, my 2nd eldest son entered the room. I saw this as a learning opportunity for him and grabbed Jennifer lovingly, placing her over my lap. I swatted her behind 27 times as my son watched. "Son, someday you will know the joys of a wife. I am displaying my love for her through this discipline and also honoring God as head of this household. Do you understand?" My precious boy smiled and asked if he, too, could give his mother a spank. I was so proud, I admit that a tear almost fell - but being a man, I caught it, forcing it back into my tear ducts.
Imagine my pride as he held up his hand and came down with a loud THWAP on Jennifer's rump. He asked if he could do it again but I was hungry. Once again I ordered Jennifer to prepare my breakfast while I enjoyed the morning newspaper. Once she had finished with them, I told her that church was only an hour away and the boys were to be perfectly groomed and dressed in enough time to make it to church without delay. I also told her which dress to wear and gave her a backhand when she tried to insist on one she had already chosen. Yes - you read that correctly - she had made a decision without me.
All was well from that point until we returned home. We took the boys to spend the afternoon with our youth pastor, by the way - so we had the house to ourselves. I told Jennifer that we were going to know one another and to prepare herself for it. She looked at me and said that she was sorry, but she was in no mood to know me. She even suggested that I commit a sin of self-love. I locked her in the prayer closet after I dressed her wounds (as you can imagine, I delivered still more discipline upon hearing her words).
Is it too soon to write a letter of divorcement? Remember, her womb is full and it is another son. I had hoped for at least seven more sons - or still more if the Lord blessed me in that way. We have many years of obedient marriage during which she has been a saint when necessary and a whore when ordered to be. I am a distraught man, and yet I take courage in knowing that the LORD is pleased with me. I ask for your input. I feel she should remain in the prayer closet indefinitely, and yet I must also consider the medical care of my son.
Praise GOD I have the brothers here to come to and also Mrs. Carson down the street to fix my evening meal. I look forward to your advice.
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