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  • Daisy Mae Johnson
    The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
    Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
    aka the Biblethumpin Blonde
    True Christian™
    • Sep 2006
    • 15708
    #1

    Men's Reading Material

    Pardon me for posting in the Men's Section gentlemen. I tried to post most of this with my eyes closed.

    It seems our Messican cleaning lady happened upon these magazines in a brown paper bag while she was cleaning the men's restroom at church. They were stuffed behind a toilet.

    Does anyone know who they belong to?
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    • Johny Joe Hold
      Mayor of Freehold
       
      • Feb 2010
      • 12847
      #2
      Re: Men's Reading Material

      Originally posted by Daisy Mae Johnson View Post
      Pardon me for posting in the Men's Section gentlemen. I tried to post most of this with my eyes closed.

      It seems our Messican cleaning lady happened upon these magazines in a brown paper bag while she was cleaning the men's restroom at church. They were stuffed behind a toilet.

      Does anyone know who they belong to?

      As I understand Church policy, we're to turn porn material that might be found on Church property to Pastor Zeke. He will evaluate it and punish the owner.
      Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.

        Comment

        • Alvin Moss
          Serving Jesus
          True Christian™
          • Aug 2013
          • 4468
          #3
          Re: Men's Reading Material

          I believe that material may have been left behind by Nazi and Jap spies from back in WWII.

          They were godless perverts, all of them, and that is the kind of filth they would have been reading. I believe they may have translated the magazines into American so no one else would notice.
          God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11

            Comment

            • Faith_Machine
              Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
              True Christian™
              • Mar 2011
              • 10050
              #4
              Re: Men's Reading Material

              Am I missing something here? Those look to me like perfectly fine magazines addressing controversial, yet important, issues.
              WARNING:
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              REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

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                • Godfly
                  Descended from Rapes
                  True Christian™
                  • Jan 2010
                  • 1552
                  #5
                  Re: Men's Reading Material

                  Fire that cleaning lady! We have strict rules about cleaning ladies being blindfolded when cleaning the rest rooms. I think it's time to hire negro men to do the job again!

                  Sister Thumper! You are to blindfold yourself immediately and put those magazines back where the wetback found them. Then pray that God removes any memory of them from your mind! Never ever speak of this again! I pray that this interference has not disrupted important Church business!
                  Leviticus 13:40 And the man whose hair is fallen off his head, he is bald; yet is he clean.

                    Comment

                    • Pastor Ezekiel
                      Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                       
                      • Sep 2006
                      • 78556
                      #6
                      Re: Men's Reading Material

                      Didn't those come from the Freehold Barber Shop out on Injun Scalp Road?
                      Who Will Jesus Damn?

                      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

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