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  • Mary Etheldreda
    Gushing for Jesus
     
    • Sep 2011
    • 23765
    #1

    From Ass To Preacher, God Talks To The Faithful And The Faithful Hear Him

    When the messenger of God boldly speaks through an ass, people sit up and listen (Numbers 22:28-30). Well, it's happened again! Praise Jesus! This time, the Holy Ghost has boldly spoken through a Birmingham, Alabama preacher to set the record straight, prophesy the future, and solve the mystery about who is behind Gay Marriage (no pun intended)!



    Short version:

    February 9th, 2016, we'll see the end of Traditional Marriage, and the beginning of Anything Goes Marriage, including dogs, cats, cockroaches, and inanimate implements of housekeeping. Watch for it.

    Duracell profits the most from the end of morality. Stock up now and your local store shopkeeper will know you're a pervert. Don't stock up and your neighbors will. When you hear the faint buzz and low lights emanating from your neighbors' windows, you'll know they've fallen to the Dark One. And have powered him with 9 volts.
    Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

    Tags: None
    • Jim Farmer
      True Christian™
      True Christian™
      • Sep 2014
      • 2293
      #2
      Re: From Ass To Preacher, God Talks To The Faithful And The Faithful Hear Him

      Sister Mary, I can't understand a single word he's saying. I hope that next time God want to tell us something that he again uses an ass to tell us. An ass is surely more intelligible than this nigra, who must be an episicicolian tongue speaker.
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