Gay Oral Sex May Be Safe if You Keep the Invading Penis in Your Mouth until You Die!

[Elmer G. White]

The following post is intended to inform you about some latest developments in the field of Creation Science. It is not recommended that it be read by any person whose Salvation® is not secured by our Pastors.

Recently, I was eating helping at the Charity which I frequent when a Sodomite approached me with a question. He was obviously trying to mock Jesus but he knew his Bible and in my usual unbiased manner I offered him my advice. The issue at hand is as follows: We know that gay intercourse between two men of the male kind is sinful and causes Fall from Grace.

1 Timothy 1:10
For whoremongers, for them that defile themselves with mankind, for menstealers, for liars, for perjured persons, and if there be any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine;

The case is clear and familiar. Gay oral intercourse is bad and those engaging in it cannot enter Heaven. If Jesus does not enter them and make them stop their evil habits, they remain without hope. Now it is time we discuss in detail what constitutes the "defiling oneself with other men". Which parts of the homosexual sexual congress are pivotal. Jesus has the answer, the answer that the Sodomite at my charity also offered me.

Matthew 15:11
Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man.

It seems obvious to us because of the apparent improbability of the alternative that this is about food regulations. But why should it be only about that? The irrefutable logic of this case goes as follows (profanities unavoidable):

1. A man lets another man enter him orally by inserting his penis into the mouth of the other man.
2. The act of the penis going into the mouth does not defile a man.
3. When the penis comes out, the man is defiled.
4. If the penis remains in the mouth, there is no defiling.

The scenario is thus imaginable but obviously hard to realize. The aspiring Christians would have to spend the rest of their lives in tight congress with the penis of the other in the mouth of his partner. It can be done. A suitable tube can be inserted to provide the receiving man sustenance in the form of liquid foods, or parenteral nutrition can be used. If the penetrating partner perishes, postmortem amputation followed by swallowing prevents the penis from exiting from the mouth. It is hard but Jesus did not want to make life easy for us!

1 Peter 4:18
And if the righteous scarcely be saved, where shall the ungodly and the sinner appear?



This is thus feasible. It is not likely that many sinner sodomites will have the patience to use this method as they are insatiable creatures craving for new partners to penetrate and receive. But a True Christian™ man may end up in a situation like this by accident. A rattlesnake or a surucucu may bite his partner's groin area during Missionary Work and the man will have to save his friend by oral suction. This suction will then make them very close friends for the rest of their lives (but that is nothing compared to eternity). A True Christian™ man may preach in a gay bar and enter a dark room and suddenly notice an engorged organ in his mouth just when he opens it to recite some verses.



Now, the Big Question. Is this applicable only to the oral joys of gay men? Not necessarily.

Mark 7:18
And he saith unto them, Are ye so without understanding also? Do ye not perceive, that whatsoever thing from without entereth into the man, it cannot defile him;

Mark 7:20
And he said, That which cometh out of the man, that defileth the man.



A Staggering Concept! Male sodomy may escape God's Wrath if the invading penis remains within the other man permanently. This needs to be looked into in detail and I urge all my True Christian™ Brethren to contemplate and pray on these exciting developments!


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Bjorn Jensen]

Re: Gay Oral Sex May Be Safe if You Keep the Invading Penis in Your Mouth until You Die!

The interesting thing is, does this open up a possibility for Christians to infilrate gay bar bathrooms, lure the homos into what they think will be oral sodomy, and bite off their genitals as long as you chew and swallow all of it and thus saving them from ever commiting sodomy again and save thousends of potential rape victims?

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Gay Oral Sex May Be Safe if You Keep the Invading Penis in Your Mouth until You Die!

This is indeed an interesting development, and we might wish to further consider it should the day arrive that the Supreme Court would force us to marry homers.

Given that homers are driven to insert their throbbing members into just about any orifice, I assume that the proper interpretation of Mark 7:18 / Mark 7:20 would include rectums as well. The latter would seem next to impossible - and my guess is that even that filthy dot-head book the Kama Sutra would not have discovered a suitable position for this given the lifetime penetration requirement.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Gay Oral Sex May Be Safe if You Keep the Invading Penis in Your Mouth until You Die!

I might add here that one possible outcome is that Christian bakeries can now safely respond to requests for gay wedding cakes if the traditional figurines on the top of the cake are depicted with each other's throbbing members in each other's orifices.

[Dude123 [Slovenian and slow]]

Re: Gay Oral Sex May Be Safe if You Keep the Invading Penis in Your Mouth until You Die!

Homophobia is sin, and sin is what homosexuals do...

[Jim C. Lombardo]

Re: Gay Oral Sex May Be Safe if You Keep the Invading Penis in Your Mouth until You Die!

This is a staggering discovery Brother Elmer, and one I've never considered to be a righteous loophole in the Holy Word. It leaves me wondering, does this Godly rule only apply to men only?

You see, I've been contemplating similar concepts, and had been designing a device that prevents one from resurfacing while their performing the described deed. It was only meant to be a silly dabbling of thought, something intended for the likes of Bill Clinton, but then I realized it would be a perfect mechanism for keeping women's mouth's occupied permanently... and from what you just described, keep them safe from sin.


That is if this rule may apply to females too.


If anyone is interested in seeing the patent for my invention, or wishes to try it out, we can arrange for a meeting at my private chapel, though be warned. The Truth is like a porcupine. Once you start swallowing it, you have no choice but to follow through, if you get me.

[DolliMoans]

Re: Gay Oral Sex May Be Safe if You Keep the Invading Penis in Your Mouth until You Die!

A brilliant revelation, Brother! This will help discourage gay sex all together, and make homers more choosy as to whom they orally copulate with. They will be forced to pick someone who they won't mind dedicating the entire function of their oral cavity to the sole purpose of sheathing their partner's member for the rest of their lives!

I, like Brother Jim, am anxious to know if this only applies to gay men, or can women take advantage learn from this Godly venture too?

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Gay Oral Sex May Be Safe if You Keep the Invading Penis in Your Mouth until You Die!

It would depend on your delivery system.

Because of their nit-picking and therefore invalid interpretation of The Law, ancient Jewry overlooked an obvious fact. From their point of view (erroneous, as Jesus made clear) whether the substance was delivered by a spoon or a fork or a pair of chopsticks was immaterial. It was not the spoon that defiled but what the spoon contained. Removing the spoon then was not what Jesus meant either, given that He was addressing nit-pickers whose sole interest was what was in the spoon. Spoons, forks or chopsticks could be removed frequently without defilement.

Pastor will confirm if the same principle applies to other delivery systems as may be required for other foodstuffs or condiments.

Having accepted the cocktail [LEFT] it would be rude to spit it out I feel even if it were more piquant than anticipated, but the straw could be removed. Similarly for ants [RIGHT] which are separate from the delivery system (ant tongs in this case) so the thing to be removed from the mouth would be the tongs. Not the ant. It's never necessary to make a fuss simply by saying "Mmm, is that a ———?" (insert item of preference) and moving towards it, the ants can be avoided. Of course if you wind up somewhere serving only ants, you'll have a problem. Enquire what's on the menu before accepting the invitation but otherwise I suppose you'd just have to work that one out on the fly. Or climb out the window. Once I even had no choice but to get up on the roof and happily there was a lovely little gathering there which all worked out nicely in the end. But I could share that another time, this thread is about something else.


Is that any help?

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Gay Oral Sex May Be Safe if You Keep the Invading Penis in Your Mouth until You Die!

I, like Brother Jim, am anxious to know if this only applies to gay men, or can women take advantage learn from this Godly venture too?

No.

As much as anyone would want to silence the endless, deep and inexhaustible chatterbox that the female throat is, the answer does not yield to our wishes but must be based on God's Will. Of course, muffling the woman with a suitable organic plug would please everyone but the verses this method is based on only refer to men.

Mark 7:18
And he saith unto them, Are ye so without understanding also? Do ye not perceive, that whatsoever thing from without entereth into the man, it cannot defile him;

Mark 7:20
And he said, That which cometh out of the man, that defileth the man.

Women must use other means to gain Salvation®.

1 Timothy 2:15
Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.

Two points:

i) Childbearing with orally ingested seed would not work even with a recto-vaginal fistula, as the powerful digestive juices of a female would make the sperm immobile long before it reached the end of the digestive tract.
ii) You can't really suggest that a life-long intoxication with the precious bodily fluids of God's Image (i.e., man) would fall into the category of "sobriety", would you?

OK, three things.

iii) Nor would it fall into the category of "holiness", while I'm OK to classify it into some twisted kind of "charity".

Hence, no.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Gay Oral Sex May Be Safe if You Keep the Invading Penis in Your Mouth until You Die!

So you are confirming Mary's rejection of the "scientific" theory of homunculus, proposed to be sprouted in numerous ways from what I've heard. All of them revolting.

Scientists once thought men deposited fully developed, but very tiny, miniature babies into the woman to be gestated for nine months. This theory of the homunculus is but one of many scientific theories that have been rejected over the many years.

Some examples of the myriad errors and retractions, and ignorance, of people following science falsely so called I Timothy 6:20 are in that thread, along the lines you have described.