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  • Bob4God
    Moderator
    Arms Dealer for CHRIST
    Hands folded for Jesus
     
    • Apr 2008
    • 5274

    #1

    Saving The Lesbians

    Sinful women, being crafty and cunning, sometimes assert that the Bible has nothing to say about lesbians, and only condemns gay men.

    Get a load of this:

    For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: -Romans 1:26

    There's no escaping GOD's wrath, no matter how many loopholes you try to pull out of Scripture!

    I believe that it is far more dangerous to minister to lesbians than it is gays because when you're dealing with a gay, you're dealing with somebody who wants to be a woman; the weaker sex. When dealing with a lesbian, you're dealing with somebody who wants to be a man; the stronger sex.

    To complicate the situation further, most lesbians have a fiery hatred for men, so they hate what they're trying to become. This causes them to be constantly volatile, seething with lesbian rage, which drives them to wear flannel shirts, buzz their hair and stuff random household objects down their pants to feel masculine. (I once visited a lesbian's house to minister to her, and the smell emanating from everything smaller than a softball in the room was gagging!)

    What we need to do is to show these 'women' the joys of GOD's design for traditional marriage!

    What I have in mind is an instructional video that acquaints lesbians with verses like the one above, and then introduces them to the pleasures of serving a True Christian husband.

    We could have shots of the Ladies of Landover getting up before their husbands to pretty themselves pretty, cooking breakfast, making the bed, washing the dishes, doing the laundry, cooking lunch, doing the dishes, weeding the garden, buying the groceries, cooking dinner, taking off their husband's shoes when he gets home from work and fetching his slippers and newspaper, doing the dishes, and tending to the children and pets.

    I'm convinced that after seeing what GOD intended them for all along, these lesbians will cry tears of shame over their previous lifestyle choices and come to JESUS for forgiveness, and quickly settle down with a husband.

    Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
    Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
    Ephesians 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

    What do you think?
    sigpic
    The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.
    - Proverbs 15:3

    CHILDREN'S STORY: TIMMY ON TRIAL


    CHRISTIAN ADVICE AND MESSAGES OF HOPE! GOD'S GREATEST HITS!


  • Brother Lazarus
    Forum Member
    Forum Member
    • Jul 2008
    • 1062

    #2
    Re: Saving The Lesbians

    Good plan Brother!

    Who will have the privilege holy duty unpleasant task of teaching these lezbos how to submit to their husbands to produce Soldiers?

    Yours in Christ
    Brother Lazarus
    In the Beginning God created the Heaven and the Earth. Genesis 1.1. This scripture is the first verse of the Bible for a reason. It lays the foundation for the absolute truth found in God's Holy WORD, the Bible.

    Comment

    • Brother Temperance
      Senior Usher
      True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
      A very nice young man
      True Christian™
      • Sep 2006
      • 15621

      #3
      Re: Saving The Lesbians

      I'm not convinced that things will be that simple. I have hands-on experience of the lesbian menace, and I can attest that those creatures are just stuffed to the gills with hatred of Jesus, heterosexuality, masculinity, and everything else that's good. They're basically just like Islamists with slightly less facial hair.
      O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



      God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

      Comment

      • Pastor Ezekiel
        Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
         
        • Sep 2006
        • 78556

        #4
        Re: Saving The Lesbians

        Sounds like a great project, Brother Bob4. I've said all along that all these lezbeans need is a good Christian Man to set them straight.

        There has been a little research into this already, but I'm hoping that you can find some younger, more nubile decent girls to use than this old negress.



        Send your funding request along and I'll see to it that your project gets going right away.
        Who Will Jesus Damn?

        Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

        Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

        Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

        Comment

        • Brian Dyk
          Forum Member
          Forum Member
          • Apr 2009
          • 48

          #5
          Re: Saving The Lesbians

          Whoever takes on this dangerous duty should be careful to have his privates well protected. Lezbeens tend to want to kick men or otherwise harm men in their privates. Should that happen, you would have to be banished from Landover.

          Deut 23:1 He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.

          This is an extremely dangerous mission. What kind of Armor of God do we have to protect ourselves from this?
          I DON'T WANT TO GO TO HELL!!!

          Comment

          • Larry Lee
            Predestinated Servant of Jesus Christ by the Will of God
            True Christian™ Theologian
            True Christian™
            • Sep 2006
            • 4464

            #6
            Re: Saving The Lesbians

            Originally posted by Brian Dyk View Post
            Whoever takes on this dangerous duty should be careful to have his privates well protected. Lezbeens tend to want to kick men or otherwise harm men in their privates. Should that happen, you would have to be banished from Landover.

            Deut 23:1 He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.

            This is an extremely dangerous mission. What kind of Armor of God do we have to protect ourselves from this?
            Arm yourself? Brother, the power of the vagina dentata is strong indeed. Your surest protection from the lezbeen terror is to cleave to the company of other men, whose counsel will bring your mission to glorious fruition.
            sigpic

            I loved Newt before Newt was invincible

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