Cure For AIDS

[Glendora Christianson]

There is a cure for AIDS and the HIV virus; His name is Jesus and if He can walk on water, if He can come back from the dead, If He can heal the sick, Then He certainly can turn a little HIV+ into an HIV-! Question is: Can YOU believe in HIM?

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Cure For AIDS

Jesus can certainly cure AIDS! Is that effeminate hippy in that picture trying to pass his disease on to the poor child?

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: Cure For AIDS

Jesus can certainly cure AIDS! Is that effeminate hippy in that picture trying to pass his disease on to the poor child?

No, Sister M&M, it is Jesus, only it looks a bit Cathylick to me. It was the best I could find in short order. But we all know our Jesus is rough and tough, so no harm done.

PS Perhaps our Un-Gay friends will find effiminate Jesus more appealing? EXCITED THOUGHT: Maybe someone should start an Effeminate Jesus thread for our Un-Gay friends???

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Cure For AIDS

No, Sister M&M, it is Jesus, only it looks a bit Cathylick to me. It was the best I could find in short order. But we all know our Jesus is rough and tough, so no harm done.

PS Perhaps our Un-Gay friends will find effiminate Jesus more appealing? EXCITED THOUGHT: Maybe someone should start an Effeminate Jesus thread for our Un-Gay friends???

Oh, my mistake, Sister Glendora! The way some of those homers have depicted our Lord over the years, it's often an easy mistake to make.
As for your thought about an effeminate Jesus thread, I liked it at first, but thinking about it I'm not sure it would be such a good idea. First, we may not want to offend Him by giving credence to such blasphemous depictions. Second, I'd be afraid that it might tempt our Un-Gay friends to be a little less "Un". What if they find effeminate depictions of Jesus too much to resist and they debase themselves to those pictures?

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: Cure For AIDS

Oh, my mistake, Sister Glendora! The way some of those homers have depicted our Lord over the years, it's often an easy mistake to make.
As for your thought about an effeminate Jesus thread, I liked it at first, but thinking about it I'm not sure it would be such a good idea. First, we may not want to offend Him by giving credence to such blasphemous depictions. Second, I'd be afraid that it might tempt our Un-Gay friends to be a little less "Un". What if they find effeminate depictions of Jesus too much to resist and they debase themselves to those pictures?

This is getting too complicated for my female mind, Sister M&M. Perhaps one of our menfolks can help us make the right decision. Until then, I will go back to my baking. PERPLEXED GLENDORA

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Cure For AIDS

This is getting too complicated for my female mind, Sister M&M. Perhaps one of our menfolks can help us make the right decision. Until then, I will go back to my baking. PERPLEXED GLENDORA

Praise, Sister Glendora. My famous (amongst the Nigras who keep stealing them) pecan pies aren't going to bake themselves!

[Rev. Dr. Davidson]

Re: Cure For AIDS

This is getting too complicated for my female mind, Sister M&M. Perhaps one of our menfolks can help us make the right decision. Until then, I will go back to my baking. PERPLEXED GLENDORA

I'm afraid that to feminize the image of Jesus would be a costly mistake. Already homers think they're better than God, as do demoncrats. To make Jesus appear as the weaker sex, would only cause more to turn down the path to hell.

Think of little Johnny at church. His father is a manly man, and works in a steel mill. His father has tried to instill the same virtues, but little Johnny attends public school and watches TV. So little Johnny looks to the image of an effeminate Jesus and thinks, "Maybe it's okay to be like a girl." So little Johnny starts hanging out too much in the kitchen with his mother, and starts avoiding his father. By high school little Johnny is wearing makeup, has pictures of naked men on his hard drive, and is "taking one for the team" in the locker room during gym class.

No, I'm afraid that Jesus is the manliest man of them all, and he should be depicted as such. We dishonor Him, and the words of God, if we do otherwise.

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Cure For AIDS

I'm afraid that to feminize the image of Jesus would be a costly mistake. Already homers think they're better than God, as do demoncrats. To make Jesus appear as the weaker sex, would only cause more to turn down the path to hell.

No, I'm afraid that Jesus is the manliest man of them all, and he should be depicted as such. We dishonor Him, and the words of God, if we do otherwise.

I agree wholeheartedly, RDD!

A Manly Jesus thread would be far better!

[Virginia Day Templeton]

Re: Cure For AIDS

If even a demon-channeling nigra sorcerer can cure AIDS, I'd say there's no doubt whatsoever that our Savior can do so as well. There just haven't been any Un-Gays repentant enough to earn His healing touch... but I'm confident that we can change that!

[TwinkBoy]

Re: Cure For AIDS

I'm so...ah...happy...that the "cure" for HIV (according to you pulpit pounders)...is your Jesus. Gosh I guess now all the funding for AIDS research can be stopped right? Gee Whiz and to think that the whole time the "cure" was so simple! Amazzinggg, Loves!!

(snicker, snicker...good lord what will these people come up with next?)

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Cure For AIDS

I'm so...ah...happy...that the "cure" for HIV (according to you pulpit pounders)...is your Jesus. Gosh I guess now all the funding for AIDS research can be stopped right? Gee Whiz and to think that the whole time the "cure" was so simple! Amazzinggg, Loves!!

(snicker, snicker...good lord what will these people come up with next?)

Faith-based treatment was working quite well under Reagan. Why, just look at this comparison!

1986: Not a dime of US funding spent on so-called "AIDS Research and Treatment". Total deaths in the US: 2,960. That's right, fewer than three thousand, as we followed Reagan's faith-based initiatives!

2006: Billions spent annually on "highly effective" treatment. Over 3 MILLION deaths worldwide!!

See where "research" and "secular medicine" get us, TwinkBoy? Billions wasted, when all the homers needed to do is PRAY and BELIEVE!

[H. Montague Worthington]

Re: Cure For AIDS

Faith-based treatment was working quite well under Reagan. Why, just look at this comparison!

1986: Not a dime of US funding spent on so-called "AIDS Research and Treatment". Total deaths in the US: 2,960. That's right, fewer than three thousand, as we followed Reagan's faith-based initiatives!

2006: Billions spent annually on "highly effective" treatment. Over 3 MILLION deaths worldwide!!

See where "research" and "secular medicine" get us, TwinkBoy? Billions wasted, when all the homers needed to do is PRAY and BELIEVE!

You are OH so right, Brother On Your Knees!! Only PRAYER™ can cure any ailment!*





* Individual results may vary. Ask your pastor if PRAYER™ is right for you. PRAYER™ is a prescription that should only be taken by patients experiencing one of the following disorders: metabolism, binocular vision, digestion (solid and liquid), circulation, menstruation, cognition, osculation, extremes of emotion. For patients with coronary heart condition (CHC) or two separate feet (2SF), the dosage of PRAYER™ should be doubled. PRAYER™ can also be utilized to decrease the risk of death caused by not taking PRAYER™, being beaten to death by zealots, or death relating from complications arising from impure thoughts or disagreeing with the Republican Party. Epileptic patients should take care to notify their pastor that they are engaging in PRAYER™, in order to guard against speaking in tongues, caused by PRAYER™.

WHEN PRAYER™ SHOULD NOT BE USED

There are no known medical circumstances (based on extensive internal testing) in which PRAYER™ cannot be used.


WARNINGS

Muscle: In a small number of tested cases (84%) PRAYER™ was found to cause abdominal wall muscle breakdown coupled with spasmodic activity in lower back/spinal muscles, resulting in most patients violently bending forward like a book slamming shut. While some other drugs promote similar responses (gemifbrozil, nicitonic acid, cyclosporine, mustard gas, and acetomenaphin) PRAYER™'s reactions are over 48X as powerful and take place with a great deal more panache and flash.

IMPORTANT INFORMATION FOR WOMEN

Pregnant women, or women who plan to become pregnant, should avoid PRAYER™. Women considering some day becoming pregnant, who have ever been pregnant, who have had a pregnant friend or pet, or who have seen other pregnant women, naked or otherwise, should also follow these precautions: Do not handle PRAYER™ or related literature. If a PRAYER™ nears your field of vision, avert your eyes. Try not to say the word "PRAYER™." If you do happen to pronounce the syllables, spit thrice and soak your hands in iodine. If you hear the words spoken, live or via recorded medium, cover your ears and immediately see a specialist to try and staunch the bleeding. Try not to think too hard about PRAYER™. In fact, don't ever even think about it at all. Pretend you never heard of PRAYER™, and never will.

If you should be aware of a pregnant woman who has considered PRAYER™, attempt to warn the peoples of earth of the mind-numbing horror that is about to unfold. Also, drink plenty of liquids.

SIDE EFFECTS

Most patients (2%) tolerate treatment with PRAYER™ well, especially when compared with prisoners of war of comparable size and weight. However, like all drugs, PRAYER™ can produce some notable side effects, all of which are probably really, really terrific and nothing that anyone should be concerned about, let alone notify any medical regulatory commission about. Most side effects of PRAYER™, or their sufferers, are usually short-lived, and are rarely so fatal that the remains can no longer be identified, provided good dental records are available.

[Deaner]

Re: Cure For AIDS

I got a cure for AIDS; how about a syringe full of morphine and me waving bye-bye? What's next? We gonna start coddling the darkies 'cause they don't have any brains?

Dean

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Cure For AIDS

I'm so...ah...happy...that the "cure" for HIV (according to you pulpit pounders)...is your Jesus. Gosh I guess now all the funding for AIDS research can be stopped right?

What? Who's funding this research? Please don't tell me that taxpayers' money is REALLY being used to fund secular "research" into how to prevent God's gift?

[Virginia Day Templeton]

Re: Cure For AIDS

What? Who's funding this research? Please don't tell me that taxpayers' money is REALLY being used to fund secular "research" into how to prevent God's gift?

Exactly! AIDS doesn't need a cure because AIDS is a cure—it's God's cure for sinful behavior. He even talks about it in the Bible.