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  • Eminelle
    Confirmed Enemy of God
    • Feb 2007
    • 1
    #1

    Another way into Heaven?

    God is the One and Only god, correct? I'm just wondering, but wouldn't he get pretty lonely up there? Sexually, that is. My girlfriend and I, (Yes, we are Homers), we have the idea that perhaps (since we're going to Hell, as things currently stand) perhaps we could trade admission to Heaven for an orgasmic threesome. What do y'all think?
    Tags: None
    • Rev. Carlton Green
      Confirmed Enemy of God
      BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
      • Nov 2006
      • 311
      #2
      Re: Another way into Heaven?

      Too late. As you already said, you already purchased a one-way ticket to Hell. No extra stops on the way. You can have your threesome with Satan on the corner of Brimstone Blvd. and Lakofire Ave.

        Comment

        • OnYourKnees
          On Extended Furlough
          True Christian™
          • Nov 2006
          • 4729
          #3
          Re: Another way into Heaven?

          Originally posted by Eminelle View Post
          God is the One and Only god, correct? I'm just wondering, but wouldn't he get pretty lonely up there? Sexually, that is. My girlfriend and I, (Yes, we are Homers), we have the idea that perhaps (since we're going to Hell, as things currently stand) perhaps we could trade admission to Heaven for an orgasmic threesome. What do y'all think?
          While I've no doubt God would appreciate your generous offer, you forget that He can have anyone He wants. Why would He want sex -- which He created, by the way -- with two lesbian harlots who wouldn't even have the first clue how to please a man?

          I'm sorry. I shouldn't call you harlots. That's not appropriate.

          You're actually whores, since you're trying to trade sex for something of value (eternal salvation).

          Wouldn't it be easier to give up the sex now, and follow Jesus? Then you could be guaranteed Salvation, rather than trying to talk God into a web of depravity! And you can still be friends with your girlfriend; the orientation isn't the sin, it's the act that's sinful. Oh, and thinking about the act (lusting in your heart).

          Since homosexuality is a choice, you can simply stop doing it. Jesus loved you enough to die (temporarily) for you; can't you give up licking things better left unlicked for Him?
          Last edited by OnYourKnees; 02-14-2007, 03:57 AM.

            Comment

            • Brother Temperance
              Senior Usher
              True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
              A very nice young man
              True Christian™
              • Sep 2006
              • 15621
              #4
              Re: Another way into Heaven?

              I won't even degrade myself by commenting on this poster's blasphemous offer, but does anyone else find that their username brings to mind a sort of horrific combination of Eminem and Emmanuelle? A more unappealing prospect is difficult to imagine.
              O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



              God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                Comment

                • Appelfap.
                  Suspected Belgian - treat with caution
                  Forum Member
                  • Jan 2007
                  • 130
                  #5
                  Re: Another way into Heaven?

                  I don't think you're going to like the threesome with the Devil
                  =/=

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