How do I get Saved and Cured of homosexuality?

[Brother J.H.]

Good people of LBC, please tell me how I can get saved and overcome my disgusting filthy affliction? I want so badly to be saved, and marry a woman and live a straight man's life. Please tell me how.
When I get saved will I be cured instantly?

[Nobar King]

Re: How do I get Saved and Cured of homosexuality?

Changing your name will be a big step.

[JennyD]

Re: How do I get Saved and Cured of homosexuality?

Wow.


Just . . . wow.

Poor Shirlee, if she sees this she WILL have a stroke!

You should at the least ask the Pastors to rename you MisterSidPhelps!

[Sister Noddy]

Re: How do I get Saved and Cured of homosexuality?

Good people of LBC, please tell me how I can get saved and overcome my disgusting filthy affliction? I want so badly to be saved, and marry a woman and live a straight man's life. Please tell me how.
When I get saved will I be cured instantly?

You can stop lying to us, and to yourself, about who you are and what you are, for starters, and start learning about Jesus instead, mister sad impersonator person.

[Mr Godwin]

Re: How do I get Saved and Cured of homosexuality?

Good people of LBC, please tell me how I can get saved and overcome my disgusting filthy affliction? I want so badly to be saved, and marry a woman and live a straight man's life. Please tell me how.
When I get saved will I be cured instantly?

You could change your name and move to a strange town where nobody knows you.

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: How do I get Saved and Cured of homosexuality?

I want so badly to be saved, and marry a woman and live a straight man's life. Please tell me how.

It's a no-brainer, fool.
You marry a woman and live a straight life with her.
And you stop fornicating with and lusting over men. Simple.

As for getting Saved, now that's more complicated..
Do you see the PayPal button at the bottom of the page?
A good first step would be to click it and send Jesus a love-offering.

[caitlin]

Re: How do I get Saved and Cured of homosexuality?

Good people of LBC, please tell me how I can get saved and overcome my disgusting filthy affliction? I want so badly to be saved, and marry a woman and live a straight man's life. Please tell me how.
When I get saved will I be cured instantly?

Easy, bend over, take it and be proud of who you are

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: How do I get Saved and Cured of homosexuality?

Good people of LBC, please tell me how I can get saved and overcome my disgusting filthy affliction? I want so badly to be saved, and marry a woman and live a straight man's life. Please tell me how.
When I get saved will I be cured instantly?

First step; click on the Paypal buttong at the bottom of this page, and send in your Love Offering to Jesus. U.S. Dollars only.

To get Saved you need to study the Holy Bible and repent of your disgusting perverted hobby.

To stop being a disgusting pervert you just need to stop getting naked with other men and find a wife of the female variety, the way God intended.

Just stop it, ok?

And don't forget to Tithe.

[Eugene Hackwith]

Re: How do I get Saved and Cured of homosexuality?

Easy, bend over, take it and be proud of who you are

He, she, whatever it is wants to be saved, it doesn't sound like it wants to go to Hell.

[caitlin]

Re: How do I get Saved and Cured of homosexuality?

He, she, whatever it is wants to be saved, it doesn't sound like it wants to go to Hell.

don't be rude

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: How do I get Saved and Cured of homosexuality?

don't be rude

But it's polite to encourage people to damn themselves to Hell? What a twisted, sick mind you have!

[Born Again Bob]

Re: How do I get Saved and Cured of homosexuality?

Dear Friend,

There is a sure-fire cure for homosexuality!

Do as I did -- become a True Christian(tm) Eunuch! It is a relatively simple surgery. After that, your sex drive will diminish to practical nil. No more boy-chasing for you!

Yours in Him,
bab

[Roberta]

Re: How do I get Saved and Cured of homosexuality?

THAT IS NOT THE ANSWER!
Deuteronomy 23:1
He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.

[Born Again Bob]

Re: How do I get Saved and Cured of homosexuality?

Dear, Sweet, Kind, Stupid Sister,

I did not wound my stones, I removed my testes. Do you see the word "testes" in your quote? And my privy member is quite well thank you.

Beloved, now shut up and listen to what Jesus has to say:

Matthew 9:12
For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

Yours in Him,
bab

[Roberta]

Re: How do I get Saved and Cured of homosexuality?

Dear, Sweet, Kind, Stupid Sister,

I did not wound my stones, I removed my testes. Do you see the word "testes" in your quote? And my privy member is quite well thank you.

Beloved, now shut up and listen to what Jesus has to say:

Matthew 9:12
For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

Yours in Him,
bab

I guess I misunderstood, sorry.

When it became too much, I listened to the counsel of good Christians, and did away with that member which led me into temptaion. BAB

I have pants full of nothing because of my adherence to the Scripture. BAB