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  • Johny Joe Hold
    Mayor of Freehold
     
    • Feb 2010
    • 12496
    #1

    Finally, Proof Landover Baptist Cures Homers.

    For the longest time, the system used here at LBC to force homers into repentance for their sinful behavior has been scoffed at. So called scholars have said, "Oh forget it. Gays cannot change."

    But, our program just went right on doing its good work. One homer after another was taken in and given a good dose of Bible-based preaching and powerful praying. After being saved they went out into the world to marry and produce children.

    Now, a new study confirms that our approach to the homer cure is the right one. It just proves that when you are right, people eventually have to admit it.

    Survey Suggests Unwanted Same-Sex Attractions Can Be Reduced Through Counseling
    http://www.christianpost.com/news/survey-suggests-unwanted-same-sex-attractions-can-be-reduced-through-counseling-80956/
    Survey results from a study conducted by People Can Change, a nonprofit organization that seeks to help people with unwanted same-sex attractions SSA , show that over half of those who sought ...
    Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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    • Mary Etheldreda
      Gushing for Jesus
       
      • Sep 2011
      • 23775
      #2
      Re: Finally, Proof Landover Baptist Cures Homers.

      Amen, Mayor!

      This is testimony to the Power of the Word!

      This is what happens when people don't live by the laws of man but by the laws of the LORD!

      Hallelujah!!

      Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

        Comment

        • Dutch Girl
          Unsaved trash - God mocking whore
          • Nov 2010
          • 283
          #3
          Re: Finally, Proof Landover Baptist Cures Homers.

          This is crazy. All what these "cure the gay" programs do, is teach people to become better liars. Whether it be lying to their narrow minded Christian fellows or to themselves.

          Now please excuse me while I go have some fun in a threesome .


          Jesus loves you seriously bigtime. He’d hug you until your eyeballs exploded out of your skull if he ever met you. He’d windsurf across oceans of dead Nazis which he personally slaughtered just to tell you that your new haircut is the bee’s knees. Jesus is like the monster truck of love and you are an old Geo Metro which he will roar his massive engine over and crush your pathetic fiberglass frame into a crumpled heap. Praise Jesus, especially when it’s sunny outside because Jesus would totally be cool with you praising while you get a nice tan.

          - Ecclesiastes xii.7

            Comment

            • Born Again Bob
              True Christian™
              True Christian™
              • Sep 2006
              • 2318
              #4
              Re: Finally, Proof Landover Baptist Cures Homers.

              Dear Friend,

              Originally posted by Dutch Girl View Post
              Now please excuse me while I go have some fun in a threesome .
              Sitting on the running washer and dryer doesn't count.

              Or maybe that's being narrowminded too.

              Yours in Him,
              bab

                Comment

                • Johny Joe Hold
                  Mayor of Freehold
                   
                  • Feb 2010
                  • 12496
                  #5
                  Re: Finally, Proof Landover Baptist Cures Homers.

                  Originally posted by Dutch Girl View Post
                  This is crazy. All what these "cure the gay" programs do, is teach people to become better liars. Whether it be lying to their narrow minded Christian fellows or to themselves.

                  Now please excuse me while I go have some fun in a threesome .
                  It it clear, Dutchy, you need to be preached to and prayed over here at Landover Baptist. You need to be cured of your "threesome" habit.
                  Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.

                    Comment

                    • Dutch Girl
                      Unsaved trash - God mocking whore
                      • Nov 2010
                      • 283
                      #6
                      Re: Finally, Proof Landover Baptist Cures Homers.

                      Originally posted by Born Again Bob View Post
                      Sitting on the running washer and dryer doesn't count.
                      Yet you bring it up anyway.

                      Originally posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
                      It it clear, Dutchy, you need to be preached to and prayed over here at Landover Baptist. You need to be cured of your "threesome" habit.
                      You seem tense. I know what would fix that but I am not going to say on this nice family friendly website.

                      Now please excuse me while I am going to "cure" some heterosexual ladies.


                      Jesus loves you seriously bigtime. He’d hug you until your eyeballs exploded out of your skull if he ever met you. He’d windsurf across oceans of dead Nazis which he personally slaughtered just to tell you that your new haircut is the bee’s knees. Jesus is like the monster truck of love and you are an old Geo Metro which he will roar his massive engine over and crush your pathetic fiberglass frame into a crumpled heap. Praise Jesus, especially when it’s sunny outside because Jesus would totally be cool with you praising while you get a nice tan.

                      - Ecclesiastes xii.7

                        Comment

                        • Pastor Isaac Peters
                          Senior Pastor
                          Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™
                          Always Biblically correct
                          True Christian™
                          • Sep 2006
                          • 10639
                          #7
                          Re: Finally, Proof Landover Baptist Cures Homers.

                          Originally posted by Dutch Girl View Post
                          Now please excuse me while I am going to "cure" some heterosexual ladies.
                          And lead them to hell (Romans 1:26)? How can you be so hateful? Does your cruelty know no bounds?
                          This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

                          Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance

                          sigpic

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                            • Dutch Girl
                              Unsaved trash - God mocking whore
                              • Nov 2010
                              • 283
                              #8
                              Re: Finally, Proof Landover Baptist Cures Homers.

                              Originally posted by Pastor Isaac Peters View Post
                              And lead them to hell (Romans 1:26)? How can you be so hateful? Does your cruelty know no bounds?
                              Your religion says rape victims only have to blame themselves (1st Timothy 2:9), are not allowed an abortion (Psalm 139:13-16) and then they have to marry their rapist (Deuteronomy 22:28-29). And if they refuse to follow these horrible rules, then will burn in Hell (John 3:36). And you call me the cruel one here!?


                              Jesus loves you seriously bigtime. He’d hug you until your eyeballs exploded out of your skull if he ever met you. He’d windsurf across oceans of dead Nazis which he personally slaughtered just to tell you that your new haircut is the bee’s knees. Jesus is like the monster truck of love and you are an old Geo Metro which he will roar his massive engine over and crush your pathetic fiberglass frame into a crumpled heap. Praise Jesus, especially when it’s sunny outside because Jesus would totally be cool with you praising while you get a nice tan.

                              - Ecclesiastes xii.7

                                Comment

                                • Zechariah Smyth
                                  Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
                                  True Christian™
                                  • Feb 2011
                                  • 15251
                                  #9
                                  Re: Finally, Proof Landover Baptist Cures Homers.

                                  Originally posted by Dutch Girl View Post
                                  Your religion says rape victims only have to blame themselves (1st Timothy 2:9), are not allowed an abortion (Psalm 139:13-16) and then they have to marry their rapist (Deuteronomy 22:28-29). And if they refuse to follow these horrible rules, then will burn in Hell (John 3:36). And you call me the cruel one here!?
                                  What's cruel about setting a few ground rules? Good grief, is anarchy the only worldview you envision?

                                  sigpic

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