Tweet
An Addition to My Motivational Playlist: Noise Music–The Holy Scourge of God Upon Your Reprobate Eardrums!
Hello Faithful! 
A couple of years ago, I resolved to make myself right with the Lord and abandon the sodomite deathstyle. I realized pretty quickly that my path to salvation–if I ever got there–wouldn’t be an easy one. No sir! Before I could present myself at the Lord’s House and beg plaintively for entrance, I had to surmount a veritable K2 of Sin! And as I stood there at the bottom looking up like a sad sack, I felt the scornful gaze of God upon me as he impatiently tapped his holy foot. I could almost hear his mighty voice: “Alright Girly Boy, I am NOT waiting an eternity.” Time to get climbing!
Now Brothers, when you’ve got a mountain to climb, you’ve got training to do! I knew that I would have to be at least as obsessive about my spiritual training as my abdominal routine to have a shot at hitting my new target of PERSONAL SALVATION in time for Rapture–heck, probably even MORE focused! So I’m always on the lookout for motivational aids to help keep me energized on the brutal ascent into the Bosom of the Lord.
Throughout my tortured climb, one of my favorite motivational aids has been GODLY music. I’m sure that a lot of you listen to gospel music to put a “little pep in your step” on your journey toward Christ. After all, an angelic choir is a great reminder of the rewards that await the faithful after they collapse across the threshold just before God slams the door of salvation shut!
But one day I got to thinking: Pete, these honeyed tones are beautiful–but aren’t they only half of the equation? All carrot and no stick? Where is music that channels the Thunderous FURY of the Lord for the Abomination of Sin in your playlist? I turned to the Good Book to test my intuitions:
Proverbs 14:26 - In the fear of the LORD [is] strong confidence: and his children shall have a place of refuge.
Proverbs 14:27 - The fear of the LORD [is] a fountain of life, to depart from the snares of death.
Job 28:28 - And unto man he said, Behold, the fear of the Lord, that [is] wisdom; and to depart from evil [is] understanding.
Philippians 2:12-13 - Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.
…among many other passages!
Glory! The Lord knew that a man will run fast if he has something wonderful to run to–and even FASTER if he ALSO has something horrifying to run from! Time to update my playlist!
After falling to my knees in tears and thanking Jesus for his insight, I jumped on my PC to run an internet search, keywords “Pain Hate Torment Agony Fury Music.”
Well, Faithful, the Lord indeed works in mysterious ways, because amongst the very devices of the enemy, I believe I have found a POWERFUL motivational aid for recovering homers such as myself: Noise Music.
Noise Music is… kind of difficult to describe. I don’t suppose it’s really music at all in the proper sense. It’s basically a screeching metallic cacophony: Try to imagine a few poorly oiled industrial lathes sandwiched between a dozen microphones and a concert speaker array in a continuous feedback loop. Or just listen to this: Merzbow – Venereology Or this: Masonna – Inner Mind Mystique
Now, there’s no question that auditory insanity like this could only be the product of a fevered mind lashed by a whole chain gang of demons and scourged by a regiment of Avenging Angels. But that’s just it! I believe that these “artists”–obviously desperate to vent the Boiling Righteous Fury that God is pouring into their pathetic cellophane cup souls–have unwittingly distilled the VERY WRATH OF GOD into the medium of sound!
Just try to listen to either of the linked tracks on full volume for as much as five minutes and TELL me you don’t feel closer to understanding the torments of the damned! Terrifying! And think, fellow recovering homers: This is at most a SPOONFUL of the raging river of agony that WILL ENGULF US ALL if we don’t mind our willies!
Now, imagine listening to your NEW motivational playlist on random, suitably fortified with Noise Music. A recommendation from the fine folks at the Landover Baptist Church Forum draws to a serene conclusion. Pregnant pause. Suddenly, VENEREOLOGY FROM MERZBOW POUNDS INTO YOUR SKULL LIKE A JACKHAMMER!
When the assault on your ears mercifully ends an hour later and the beautiful chorus of a gospel choir flows once again into your earbuds, HOW MUCH SWEETER will those heavenly sounds seem? You may weep in thanks, Brothers! You certainly should. 
Finally, entirely apart from its profound spiritual significance, Noise Music is a quick and effective boner deflator: After you’ve listened to something akin to The Bagger 288 ripping into a Titanic-sized organ grinder for an hour, I feel pretty sure that you won’t be “in the mood” for anything but a date with a bottle of Advil.
Well, most of you, anyway. I guess I can’t speak for all of you queers.
May the blessings of Noise Music enrich YOUR Spiritual Motivational Playlist!
Good luck fellow recovering homers, and God bless!
Yours in Christ
Peter
A couple of years ago, I resolved to make myself right with the Lord and abandon the sodomite deathstyle. I realized pretty quickly that my path to salvation–if I ever got there–wouldn’t be an easy one. No sir! Before I could present myself at the Lord’s House and beg plaintively for entrance, I had to surmount a veritable K2 of Sin! And as I stood there at the bottom looking up like a sad sack, I felt the scornful gaze of God upon me as he impatiently tapped his holy foot. I could almost hear his mighty voice: “Alright Girly Boy, I am NOT waiting an eternity.” Time to get climbing!
Now Brothers, when you’ve got a mountain to climb, you’ve got training to do! I knew that I would have to be at least as obsessive about my spiritual training as my abdominal routine to have a shot at hitting my new target of PERSONAL SALVATION in time for Rapture–heck, probably even MORE focused! So I’m always on the lookout for motivational aids to help keep me energized on the brutal ascent into the Bosom of the Lord.
Throughout my tortured climb, one of my favorite motivational aids has been GODLY music. I’m sure that a lot of you listen to gospel music to put a “little pep in your step” on your journey toward Christ. After all, an angelic choir is a great reminder of the rewards that await the faithful after they collapse across the threshold just before God slams the door of salvation shut!
But one day I got to thinking: Pete, these honeyed tones are beautiful–but aren’t they only half of the equation? All carrot and no stick? Where is music that channels the Thunderous FURY of the Lord for the Abomination of Sin in your playlist? I turned to the Good Book to test my intuitions:
Proverbs 14:26 - In the fear of the LORD [is] strong confidence: and his children shall have a place of refuge.
Proverbs 14:27 - The fear of the LORD [is] a fountain of life, to depart from the snares of death.
Job 28:28 - And unto man he said, Behold, the fear of the Lord, that [is] wisdom; and to depart from evil [is] understanding.
Philippians 2:12-13 - Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.
…among many other passages!
Glory! The Lord knew that a man will run fast if he has something wonderful to run to–and even FASTER if he ALSO has something horrifying to run from! Time to update my playlist!
After falling to my knees in tears and thanking Jesus for his insight, I jumped on my PC to run an internet search, keywords “Pain Hate Torment Agony Fury Music.”
Well, Faithful, the Lord indeed works in mysterious ways, because amongst the very devices of the enemy, I believe I have found a POWERFUL motivational aid for recovering homers such as myself: Noise Music.
Noise Music is… kind of difficult to describe. I don’t suppose it’s really music at all in the proper sense. It’s basically a screeching metallic cacophony: Try to imagine a few poorly oiled industrial lathes sandwiched between a dozen microphones and a concert speaker array in a continuous feedback loop. Or just listen to this: Merzbow – Venereology Or this: Masonna – Inner Mind Mystique
Now, there’s no question that auditory insanity like this could only be the product of a fevered mind lashed by a whole chain gang of demons and scourged by a regiment of Avenging Angels. But that’s just it! I believe that these “artists”–obviously desperate to vent the Boiling Righteous Fury that God is pouring into their pathetic cellophane cup souls–have unwittingly distilled the VERY WRATH OF GOD into the medium of sound!
Just try to listen to either of the linked tracks on full volume for as much as five minutes and TELL me you don’t feel closer to understanding the torments of the damned! Terrifying! And think, fellow recovering homers: This is at most a SPOONFUL of the raging river of agony that WILL ENGULF US ALL if we don’t mind our willies!
Now, imagine listening to your NEW motivational playlist on random, suitably fortified with Noise Music. A recommendation from the fine folks at the Landover Baptist Church Forum draws to a serene conclusion. Pregnant pause. Suddenly, VENEREOLOGY FROM MERZBOW POUNDS INTO YOUR SKULL LIKE A JACKHAMMER!
When the assault on your ears mercifully ends an hour later and the beautiful chorus of a gospel choir flows once again into your earbuds, HOW MUCH SWEETER will those heavenly sounds seem? You may weep in thanks, Brothers! You certainly should. Finally, entirely apart from its profound spiritual significance, Noise Music is a quick and effective boner deflator: After you’ve listened to something akin to The Bagger 288 ripping into a Titanic-sized organ grinder for an hour, I feel pretty sure that you won’t be “in the mood” for anything but a date with a bottle of Advil.
Well, most of you, anyway. I guess I can’t speak for all of you queers.
May the blessings of Noise Music enrich YOUR Spiritual Motivational Playlist!
Good luck fellow recovering homers, and God bless! Yours in Christ
Peter
If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed. – John 8:36 
Comment