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Hello fellow worshippers
Hey there fellow believers, some of you may remember me as a bigoted unsaved trash who was defending the lifestyles of homosexual satan loving scum. I have repented thousands of times since I left that dark lifestyle choice and I want to be saved. I got rid of all the satanic entertainment options in my house, burned my xbox, threw out my disgusting heavy metal albums and got jesOS operating systems on all my computers. I never have more than $665 dollars because throw out my cash so I don't have $666 dollars. I don't want Satan entering into my lifestyle of purity. May I be forgiven brothers?
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Re: Hello fellow worshippers
We are not God, we are True Christians who FOLLOW God. Only God forgives.Originally posted by nickbailey View Post
You have to ask God for forgiveness.
Yours in Christ.I take my orders from Jesus H. Christ, supernatural born US citizen
Be wary of false Kumbaya Christians who use a highlighter and scissors to read the Bible. God wants us to read the lines, not between the lines. False Christians will go to Hell:
Matthew 7:22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
Matthew 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
Asking a Christian to prove God exists is like asking him to prove his phone rings because yours doesn't. Make that call yourself! Dial 0800-get-on-your-knees-and-pray.
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Re: Hello fellow worshippers
I prayed to my
god and he has approved my lifestyle now and saved me from the pits of 
. But the question I really want an answer to is may I be accepted into your brotherhood of 
believers despite my dark past?
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Re: Hello fellow worshippers
It does help to capitalize "God". That's how Christians refer to God. You can capitalize "I" so capitalizing "God" should be trivial. Also: there's no "I" in "God"Originally posted by nickbailey View Post
What is your favorite Bible verse? (hint: it has to be from the KJV 1611 Bible)Originally posted by nickbailey View Postis may I be accepted into your brotherhood of believers despite my dark past?I take my orders from Jesus H. Christ, supernatural born US citizen
Be wary of false Kumbaya Christians who use a highlighter and scissors to read the Bible. God wants us to read the lines, not between the lines. False Christians will go to Hell:
Matthew 7:22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
Matthew 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
Asking a Christian to prove God exists is like asking him to prove his phone rings because yours doesn't. Make that call yourself! Dial 0800-get-on-your-knees-and-pray.
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Re: Hello fellow worshippers
Brother Nick,
satan (I refuse to capitalize the devil's name) can be deceving. Have you had a proper exorcism? It's quite inexpensive if you have it performed by a junior pastor but can get pricey if it requires the help of one of the senior pastors. Mine was just under $25,000, but it was so worth it to feel the blood of Jesus showering me from head to toe as the foul spirits of uppityness left my soul.
I still falter from time to time, but as a True Christian(TM), sin is impossible for me. I hope that you'll consider an evaluation by someone experienced in possession/oppression. Ask yourself these questions:
1. Are you sometimes tempted to look at clothing labels? Straight men could care less (unless you're a pastor at the level of Ezekiel Flint, and then it's all about the designer, for God's Glory)
2. Do you spend time with boys half your age under the guise of witnessing to them but then end up in the heated swimming pool of your expansive mansion? Again, a senior level pastor might have reason for this, but no straight man in a normal stage of life.
3. Have you ever been in a scandal involving yourself and another man? Unless you have the resources to prove it was all a lie - such as certain Baptist ministers - you should avoid all semblance of wrongdoing!
These are just a few of the symptoms that you're a faggot piece of crap that strings along women making them think you're straight and that someday you will marry them when all you really crave is your poolboy - but of course, this probably doesn't apply to you. I can't think of anyone to whom it applies - at the moment.
Lovingly in Jesus,
NRL1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
Locations in 50 States and Canada
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Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.
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Re: Hello fellow worshippers
Just remember not to mix fabrics.Originally posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb View Post
Leviticus 19:19 (1611 King James Bible)
¶ Yee shall keepe my Statutes: Thou shalt not let thy cattell gender with a diuerse kinde: Thou shalt not sowe thy field with mingled seed: Neither shall a garment mingled of linnen and woollen come vpon thee.
JHL.
The word of God is the word of love.A whip for the horse, a bridle for the ass, and a rod for the fool's back. Proverbs 26:3Comment
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Re: Hello fellow worshippers
Hello Mr. (?) Nick,Originally posted by nickbailey View Post
I have a few questions for you.
1) Bailey is a female name. If you are a straight man, why do you have a female name...that's very wrong!
2) I'm glad you got rid of the bad outside influences. However, did you accept Him inside your heart? That's what matters most!
3) How did you get the JesOS software? I thought only True Christians could get it. (I'm a forum member and I don't have this. Will a TC please look into this and confirm my information, please?)
4) Why are you asking us for forgiveness. You have to answer to Him and He can forgive you.
Yours in Christ,
Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1Comment
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Re: Hello fellow worshippers
Where did you get that idea? It's not as far as I know. Although you may need to pay a fee.Originally posted by Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson View Postsigpic
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Re: Hello fellow worshippers
Thank you for letting me know, Mr. Farmer! I'll talk to my husband about buying it for our family!Originally posted by Jim Farmer View Post"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1Comment
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